If you are a child of the late 80s and early 90s, then you know there's no super group better than New Kids on the Block. You weren't cool unless you had books, bed sheets, T-shirts, and buttons with the faces of 5 man-boys named Danny, Donnie, Joey, Jordan, and Jon. It's not that this song is bad. This song is down right horrible. Take a gander:
Ho, ho, ho, oh, little train, my little elf, another great Christmas.
Ah, man, it's boring, it's boring, same thing every year,
so let's have a funky Christmas!
Have a funky funky Christmas, have a funky funky Christmas.
New Kids On The Block, let's rock, it's Christmas time.
We're gonna celebrate it with a rhyme.
Danny D, are you ready? - Ready as I'll ever be
Steady - you know, Joey Joe is ready
Jordan and Jon, yeah, come on, we got a funky, funky Christmas going on.
Have a funky...
Funky Christmas and a funky new year, I swear we got ourselves a party here
Girls on the floor knows our posse at the door
Should I stop - nah cool - here's more of this song, a funky Christmas melody
'cause Jordan K feels so Christmasy
Throw your hands in the air pause, kick the ballistics Santa Claus
Have a funky...
Sneaking downstairs on Christmas Eve
I saw a sight that you just wouldn't believe
St. Nick by the fireplace dusting off his head with a frown on his face
He said hay - said what - he said you - I said what
He said you left the fire burning and I burnt my butt
so now I've learned you've got to turn the fireplace down
so Santa won't get burned
Have a funky...
Have a funky...
Slipping and sliding through the city streets
I'll be in town getting down to the Christmas beat
it's Danny D I'm here with Christmas cheer
no feeling to end the party of the year
it's going I'm showing fresh rhymes I'm throwing
it's snowing outside but we ho-ho-hoing
Santa's on the way, sleigh bells are ringing, swinging, everybody start singing
Have a funky....
It's Christmas, can you swing this?
Funky, dope jam top on your Christmas list, do you dig this?
Boy, there ain't no twist, just something you wish for and you almost missed huh
Funky Christmas and a Happy New Year, how could you be booing it
with Donnie D doing it?
Have a funky....
Ho, ho, ho, this is the MC Santa Claus and my elf little Joe
Yeah, merry Christmas, merry Christmas, we gonna kick the ballistics
of our Christmas wishes.
He's the thing... you can't try and be gangsta by rapping and then have the worst word you sing be "butt". It just doesn't match. 5 guys from Boston don't exactly scream "funky" either. I'm looking at you, Marky Mark. Whoever gave the Wahlburg boys the idea that they had street cred, you just ended up on the naughty list, my friend. When I want to hear a Christmas song that makes me feel cool and awesome, I listen to this song because it really puts things in perspective.
Those NKOTB bed sheets were sweet though.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Monday, November 24, 2014
Banned
Today, I'm not highlighting a song. Rather, a singer of songs who really doesn't have any business singing Christmas music. When I listen to Christmas music, I want hot cocoa, fuzzy socks, and snow frosting my window. I don't want hip gyration and overdone vibrato on E-VER-Y SY-LLA-BLE. That's right, I'm talking about the King. Elvis Presley. The worst offender? Blue Christmas.
I'll have a Blue Christmas without you
I'll be so blue thinking about you
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree
Won't be the same dear, if you're not here with me
And the when those blue snowflakes start fallin'
That's when those blue memories start callin'
You'll be doin' all right, with your Christmas of white
But I'll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas
Usually, the word "I'll" has one syllable. Somehow, Elvis turns it in to ten. The sad ladies moaning in the background don't help his cause. I think he also had a bet with his manager to see how many times he could say "blue" in the last line. Only the first three notes of this song have to play before I turn it off. If I want to party in a jail cell or serenade Michelle Tanner about her Teddy Bear, I'll go with Elvis. Nothing about Elvis screams mistletoe and sleigh rides.
Even though I picked Blue Christmas, Here Comes Santa Claus could have easily been my pick. It's equally as horrible and Elvis somehow makes his voice even lower than usual. It's like he knew he was singing crap and was just trying to milk it for all its worth. Make no mistake, I love me some Elvis...on a rainy April day.
I'll have a Blue Christmas without you
I'll be so blue thinking about you
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree
Won't be the same dear, if you're not here with me
And the when those blue snowflakes start fallin'
That's when those blue memories start callin'
You'll be doin' all right, with your Christmas of white
But I'll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas
Usually, the word "I'll" has one syllable. Somehow, Elvis turns it in to ten. The sad ladies moaning in the background don't help his cause. I think he also had a bet with his manager to see how many times he could say "blue" in the last line. Only the first three notes of this song have to play before I turn it off. If I want to party in a jail cell or serenade Michelle Tanner about her Teddy Bear, I'll go with Elvis. Nothing about Elvis screams mistletoe and sleigh rides.
Even though I picked Blue Christmas, Here Comes Santa Claus could have easily been my pick. It's equally as horrible and Elvis somehow makes his voice even lower than usual. It's like he knew he was singing crap and was just trying to milk it for all its worth. Make no mistake, I love me some Elvis...on a rainy April day.
Saturday, November 22, 2014
Headed for Divorce
Today's song is I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus:
I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night.
She didn't see me creep
Down the stairs to have a peek
She thought I was tucked
Up in my bedroom fast asleep.
Then, I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white.
Oh, what a laugh it would have been,
If Daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night!
First of all, this mom is kind of a hussy. I mean, does she go for older men? Is she like Adam Sandler's first girlfriend in Big Daddy? Does Santa have a more appealing five year plan? Not only is she kissing Santa, but then she tickles him too. Kissing can be taken any number of ways. Maybe she's French and it was one of those one cheek, two cheek, quick on the lips deals. She'd easily be able to explain that to the kid. But no, then she goes and tickles him. Not easy to explain that away. "Don't worry, Timmy. Mommy was just brushing some crumbies out of Santa's beard." Not even a kid who still believes in Santa is going to buy that one.
The kid can't help what his mom does though. We can't choose family, only the sauce on our chicken wings. However, he didn't need to laugh thinking about his dad catching her in the act. Do you want your parents to get divorced? Is that your end game? Mom and Dad making passive aggressive comments every other weekend. "Oh sweetie, you look three pounds lighter! Isn't your father feeding you!" You think it's all extra presents and double the birthday celebrations until you're at home with a sitter while Daddy is out shopping for a new Mommy. Do yourself a favor, kid. Don't tell Daddy about Mommy's little indiscretion. It's doubtful that Santa is on Mommy's "list". You'd save your parents loads of money in legal fees and they'd be together for at least one more Christmas.
I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night.
She didn't see me creep
Down the stairs to have a peek
She thought I was tucked
Up in my bedroom fast asleep.
Then, I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white.
Oh, what a laugh it would have been,
If Daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night!
First of all, this mom is kind of a hussy. I mean, does she go for older men? Is she like Adam Sandler's first girlfriend in Big Daddy? Does Santa have a more appealing five year plan? Not only is she kissing Santa, but then she tickles him too. Kissing can be taken any number of ways. Maybe she's French and it was one of those one cheek, two cheek, quick on the lips deals. She'd easily be able to explain that to the kid. But no, then she goes and tickles him. Not easy to explain that away. "Don't worry, Timmy. Mommy was just brushing some crumbies out of Santa's beard." Not even a kid who still believes in Santa is going to buy that one.
The kid can't help what his mom does though. We can't choose family, only the sauce on our chicken wings. However, he didn't need to laugh thinking about his dad catching her in the act. Do you want your parents to get divorced? Is that your end game? Mom and Dad making passive aggressive comments every other weekend. "Oh sweetie, you look three pounds lighter! Isn't your father feeding you!" You think it's all extra presents and double the birthday celebrations until you're at home with a sitter while Daddy is out shopping for a new Mommy. Do yourself a favor, kid. Don't tell Daddy about Mommy's little indiscretion. It's doubtful that Santa is on Mommy's "list". You'd save your parents loads of money in legal fees and they'd be together for at least one more Christmas.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
The Christmas Season
I've just completed my second full body workout of the day, thank you Mother Nature, and it's only 11:26 AM Eastern Standard Time. Snow in mid November will do that to you. That's right, nature is my personal trainer. You know you live in the Midwest if your arms get mysteriously big while the rest of you stays the same every winter. With the snow and the shushing and the general merriment, it's enough to put anyone in the holiday spirit. With that in mind, I'll be highlighting some classic Christmas songs and carols that maybe shouldn't have stood the test of time. I'm all for holiday cheer, but I draw the line at ridiculous.
Our first song is "I'll Be Home For Christmas"
I'll be home for Christmas
You can count on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents by the tree
Christmas eve will find me
Where the love light gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams
Buzz kill alert. Where's the merriment there? First off, some requests are reasonable to make of your family at Christmas time. Mistletoe, presents, maybe even a cookie or two? Fine, your mother is more than happy to accommodate. But asking her to provide snow is just plain cruel. You know she's going to be hitting up Menards for their fake snow and plastering it to your childhood bedroom window in hopes of making your dream come true. Try not to be so demanding, you mama's boy.
The real kicker is the ending though. It's such a nice sentiment to want to come home for Christmas and experience the nostalgia of childhood, but then to drop the line of "If only in my dreams" at the end is ridiculous. This might be the most depressing Christmas song written before 1950. Now there are loads of depressing Christmas songs to please the Grinches and Scrooges of the world, but this may have set the standard. What a Debbie Downer.
Our first song is "I'll Be Home For Christmas"
I'll be home for Christmas
You can count on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents by the tree
Christmas eve will find me
Where the love light gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams
Buzz kill alert. Where's the merriment there? First off, some requests are reasonable to make of your family at Christmas time. Mistletoe, presents, maybe even a cookie or two? Fine, your mother is more than happy to accommodate. But asking her to provide snow is just plain cruel. You know she's going to be hitting up Menards for their fake snow and plastering it to your childhood bedroom window in hopes of making your dream come true. Try not to be so demanding, you mama's boy.
The real kicker is the ending though. It's such a nice sentiment to want to come home for Christmas and experience the nostalgia of childhood, but then to drop the line of "If only in my dreams" at the end is ridiculous. This might be the most depressing Christmas song written before 1950. Now there are loads of depressing Christmas songs to please the Grinches and Scrooges of the world, but this may have set the standard. What a Debbie Downer.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
The Captain
While watching the All Star game last night, there was obviously a lot of attention on Derek Jeter. He got an ovation before his first at bat, when he exited the game, and with each of his hits. During his first at bat, there was a very clear voice that was shouting, "Overrated!" The question is...is he?
Usually, I wouldn't let a Yankee take up an entire blog post, but this is no regular Yankee. This is Jeter. He spent most of his childhood in Michigan and graduated high school in Kalamazoo. Although he was a Jersey boy who loved the Yankees, he's given a lot back to the Kalamazoo community. His Turn 2 Foundation works to get kids and teens involved so they turn to better influences and lives. Anyone who invests in a community who helped him develop as a person is someone that I can respect. It also has departments in Florida and New York, helping inner city kids in multiple states.
Nowadays, you don't see many franchise players. You see fewer who signed right out of high school. You see fewer still who spend their entire career with the Yankees. Baseball players are traded more frequently than the cards that hold their likeness. Off season, mid season, trade deadline, designation, release...transactions happen everyday. For one player to stay with one team for his entire career (1992-2014) with the Yankees is amazing. Yankee fans are demanding and the organization responds by trying to construct a championship team every year. Jeter fit the bill every year, making himself valuable to a team looking for a World Series title. He was a shortstop for his entire career, a demanding position that requires agility, strength, and leadership. Most guys don't make it their whole career at shortstop.
Jeter helped his team to win five World Series championships, becoming the MVP of the WS in 2000. He made appearances in 14 All Star games (out of 20 seasons...that's 70% of the time). He has five Gold Gloves and Silver Sluggers and was the Rookie of the year in 1996. He probably has multiple houses just to keep all his awards.
What's more, Jeter has been the captain of the Yankees since 2003. That's not a title that is given out freely and not very many MLB teams advertise an official "captain." Jeter's name is synonymous with the Yankees and it's hard to tell where one ends and the other begins.
Do we even have to talk about his numbers? His career batting average is .311 with over 3,400 hits and 258 home runs. Not only are his numbers great, but he's consistent. He doesn't have one fantastic year and a bunch of fair ones. No, he seems to have a great season every year.
There's no doubt that he will be elected to the Hall of Fame, it's only a matter of if it's the first year or second year of eligibility. His number (2 for those new to baseball) is sure to be retired with many other single digits at Yankee Stadium. Every stadium he's visited this year has celebrated him as if he was their own. He's not just a New York figure or a baseball figure...he's a sports figure with the likes of Tiger, Jordan, and Namath. He's also not bad to look at (see here) and has dated some pretty high profile women.
So, is he overrated? No, he's not. Did Derek prove that guy wrong? Ya, by hitting a double immediately. Wainwright might have admitted to serving Jeter a lollipop, but it's still a way to go out. Congrats, Cap. You will be missed by this Tigress.
Usually, I wouldn't let a Yankee take up an entire blog post, but this is no regular Yankee. This is Jeter. He spent most of his childhood in Michigan and graduated high school in Kalamazoo. Although he was a Jersey boy who loved the Yankees, he's given a lot back to the Kalamazoo community. His Turn 2 Foundation works to get kids and teens involved so they turn to better influences and lives. Anyone who invests in a community who helped him develop as a person is someone that I can respect. It also has departments in Florida and New York, helping inner city kids in multiple states.
Nowadays, you don't see many franchise players. You see fewer who signed right out of high school. You see fewer still who spend their entire career with the Yankees. Baseball players are traded more frequently than the cards that hold their likeness. Off season, mid season, trade deadline, designation, release...transactions happen everyday. For one player to stay with one team for his entire career (1992-2014) with the Yankees is amazing. Yankee fans are demanding and the organization responds by trying to construct a championship team every year. Jeter fit the bill every year, making himself valuable to a team looking for a World Series title. He was a shortstop for his entire career, a demanding position that requires agility, strength, and leadership. Most guys don't make it their whole career at shortstop.
Jeter helped his team to win five World Series championships, becoming the MVP of the WS in 2000. He made appearances in 14 All Star games (out of 20 seasons...that's 70% of the time). He has five Gold Gloves and Silver Sluggers and was the Rookie of the year in 1996. He probably has multiple houses just to keep all his awards.
What's more, Jeter has been the captain of the Yankees since 2003. That's not a title that is given out freely and not very many MLB teams advertise an official "captain." Jeter's name is synonymous with the Yankees and it's hard to tell where one ends and the other begins.
Do we even have to talk about his numbers? His career batting average is .311 with over 3,400 hits and 258 home runs. Not only are his numbers great, but he's consistent. He doesn't have one fantastic year and a bunch of fair ones. No, he seems to have a great season every year.
There's no doubt that he will be elected to the Hall of Fame, it's only a matter of if it's the first year or second year of eligibility. His number (2 for those new to baseball) is sure to be retired with many other single digits at Yankee Stadium. Every stadium he's visited this year has celebrated him as if he was their own. He's not just a New York figure or a baseball figure...he's a sports figure with the likes of Tiger, Jordan, and Namath. He's also not bad to look at (see here) and has dated some pretty high profile women.
So, is he overrated? No, he's not. Did Derek prove that guy wrong? Ya, by hitting a double immediately. Wainwright might have admitted to serving Jeter a lollipop, but it's still a way to go out. Congrats, Cap. You will be missed by this Tigress.
Monday, July 14, 2014
Verbing
The other day Avila hit a very slow, very weak dribbler to third base. In most cases, he's out before he gets half way to first. However, the defense had the shift on so instead Avila gets a hit. I thought, "Oh, he Victored that". That's right, your favorite players become nouns or verbs when something happens to them consistently. Here are a few more:
Avila (verb)- to get hit with balls, bats, or even attitude where the pads just don't cover. I was catching Porcello and I got Avilaed like three times in one inning!
Verlander (verb)- to have all the skills in the world and over think things to the point of self destruction. I had the best season of my career, but then I started dating a supermodel and really Verlandered up my next season.
Rajai (verb)- wear an oven mitt unnecessarily. I was weeding the garden and I Rajaied so I wouldn't get pricked by thorns.
Phil (verb)- to sprint in order to prove one's moxie. While I could have walked past the hot guys, I Philled so they could see me in all my glory.
Leyland (verb)- smoke more cigarettes than a normal ad executive from the 60s smoked in a week. I was so nervous about the job interview that I Leylanded all the way there.
Porcello (verb)- to win in the most undramatic fashion, to the point of boring others. I Porcelloed on Jeopardy when everyone got the Final Jeopardy wrong but I bet the least amount of money.
Sanchez (verb)- to pester others during an interview. My best friend Sanchezed me while my boyfriend's father grilled me on my life goals.
Cabrera (noun)- a person who excels at something with half the effort of others. I studied for hours to pass the test, but my friend is such a Cabrera that she got an A just for showing up.
It takes a special kind of person to be a Cabrera. I wonder who will Cabrera up in the second half of the season.
Avila (verb)- to get hit with balls, bats, or even attitude where the pads just don't cover. I was catching Porcello and I got Avilaed like three times in one inning!
Verlander (verb)- to have all the skills in the world and over think things to the point of self destruction. I had the best season of my career, but then I started dating a supermodel and really Verlandered up my next season.
Rajai (verb)- wear an oven mitt unnecessarily. I was weeding the garden and I Rajaied so I wouldn't get pricked by thorns.
Phil (verb)- to sprint in order to prove one's moxie. While I could have walked past the hot guys, I Philled so they could see me in all my glory.
Leyland (verb)- smoke more cigarettes than a normal ad executive from the 60s smoked in a week. I was so nervous about the job interview that I Leylanded all the way there.
Porcello (verb)- to win in the most undramatic fashion, to the point of boring others. I Porcelloed on Jeopardy when everyone got the Final Jeopardy wrong but I bet the least amount of money.
Sanchez (verb)- to pester others during an interview. My best friend Sanchezed me while my boyfriend's father grilled me on my life goals.
Cabrera (noun)- a person who excels at something with half the effort of others. I studied for hours to pass the test, but my friend is such a Cabrera that she got an A just for showing up.
It takes a special kind of person to be a Cabrera. I wonder who will Cabrera up in the second half of the season.
Friday, July 11, 2014
All Star Break
I'm still here. As previously stated, my life has been consumed with Mini Tigress, who already has a voracious love for the game. She's learning a lot about baseball and about our Tigers. Here are some things we've learned in the first half of the season:
Everyone deserves a second chance. Just look at Phil Coke. Admit it, you wanted to trade him. Now he's turning it around and making us proud to see him storming out from the bullpen every week. The season is young, but I have high hopes that Phil will continue to be, well, Philthy.
Being young and inexperienced can work in your favor. JD Martinez is tearing things up and earning his stripes (get it, he's a Tiger). He's been an effective five man behind Victor for sure. It's also striking that his performance is so great that he's been keeping Davis and Hunter out of the lineup. That's saying something.
Nice guys still finish first. He might never be an everyday player, but Donnie Kelly is still a coach's favorite player. Fans are also on the Donnie Kelly train. They cheered and yelled for his intentional walk this week like he was Miggy.
It's good to be king. Miggy is still Miggy. 74 RBIs as of right now. With the All Star break as the unofficial middle of the season, he's on track to be close to 150. He's the king, just bow and accept it.
When starting pitching is on, the team is on. Verlander and Scherzer are still ironing out some details and quirks. Who would have thought Ricky P would be the most consistent pitcher? Crazy. Just goes to show that pitches are fickle creatures. Let's just stay away from these are injuries that have plagued pitchers this year. I could talk on that forever and how the culture of pitching has to change in order to save our pitchers.
Our bullpen is still the red haired child in a house full of brunettes. Every team has an issue, ours is forever the bullpen. When Nathan is struggling, you have to wonder if it's something in the water out there in left field.
Remember fans, Tigers are still atop of the Central. If the Tigers remain consistent, then I see no issue with continuing that trend. Bring back the roar in 20-1-4...for the kids.
 |
| Born a Tiger fan |
Everyone deserves a second chance. Just look at Phil Coke. Admit it, you wanted to trade him. Now he's turning it around and making us proud to see him storming out from the bullpen every week. The season is young, but I have high hopes that Phil will continue to be, well, Philthy.
Being young and inexperienced can work in your favor. JD Martinez is tearing things up and earning his stripes (get it, he's a Tiger). He's been an effective five man behind Victor for sure. It's also striking that his performance is so great that he's been keeping Davis and Hunter out of the lineup. That's saying something.
Nice guys still finish first. He might never be an everyday player, but Donnie Kelly is still a coach's favorite player. Fans are also on the Donnie Kelly train. They cheered and yelled for his intentional walk this week like he was Miggy.
It's good to be king. Miggy is still Miggy. 74 RBIs as of right now. With the All Star break as the unofficial middle of the season, he's on track to be close to 150. He's the king, just bow and accept it.
When starting pitching is on, the team is on. Verlander and Scherzer are still ironing out some details and quirks. Who would have thought Ricky P would be the most consistent pitcher? Crazy. Just goes to show that pitches are fickle creatures. Let's just stay away from these are injuries that have plagued pitchers this year. I could talk on that forever and how the culture of pitching has to change in order to save our pitchers.
Our bullpen is still the red haired child in a house full of brunettes. Every team has an issue, ours is forever the bullpen. When Nathan is struggling, you have to wonder if it's something in the water out there in left field.
Remember fans, Tigers are still atop of the Central. If the Tigers remain consistent, then I see no issue with continuing that trend. Bring back the roar in 20-1-4...for the kids.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Bitter Twitter
Lately something has come to my attention that I just can't ignore. It has a little to do with the Tigers' road trip but a lot more to do with humanity itself. Self indulgence, thy name is Twitter.
I joined Twitter last July for one main purpose, to comment on the Tigers in real time in a hopefully light-hearted and humorous way. I see Twitter for what it should be, a place where people can go to have a chuckle and feel vindicated in their shared interests and opinions. For the most part, those are the types of people I follow and the tweets I write. However, a large number of social media junkies see Twitter as a place to be down right cruel in an anonymous fashion. It's much easier to be mean, petty, and critical of others when they can't see your face. For years I was a Girls on the Run coach and we teach the girls about this sort of thing. They can spot it a mile away. It's called Cyber Bullying. Just because you don't personally know someone doesn't mean you aren't cyber bullying them.
When the Tigers swept in Baltimore and Boston, Twitter was all fun and games for the Tigers. There were Zubaz pictures and triumphant tweets about conquering playoff foes. Twitter was serving its purpose. We got to see hilarious pictures of our favorite players and get a glimpse into their everyday life as ball players. However, the games were over once the Tigers hit Cleveland. Obviously, it was a disappointing series topped off by THE WORST way to end a game with a bases loaded balk. I have to say I wrote an angry tweet myself:
And that's how not to end a road trip #epicfail #Tigers #shouldhaveletDonniepitch
I tried to make light of the situation by adding the joke about Donnie Kelly pitching. I may have even made a joke about Gene Lamont earlier in the game (sorry Gene if I was mean. I promise it's in good fun). Tigers fans took the loss as an opportunity to again question every move made by Ausmus and for some reason rag on the Tigers announcers, Mario and Rod. What those two had to do with the Tiger loss, I just don't know. Even if it eased the pain for some fans, I feel like it's just uncalled for. For some reason, Mario retweets some of their nastiness. I don't understand that.
Sure, we are all a little frustrated with Phil Coke and the Tigers bullpen. Trust me, they don't need to hear it to know they messed up. They already know. My advice to Phil is to avoid social media today or maybe all week.
So in the spirit of New Girl, I'm starting a new segment called Honey Roast. If you aren't familiar, a honey roast is when you say nice, true things about someone. I'd like to start with the outfielders today.
Rajai Davis- You are one fast dude and have rejuvenated the Tigers' running game. You have 14 stolen bases for Pete's sake. You also take base path fashion to new levels of awesome with your oven mitt to protect your hand. You are a valuable addition to the Tigers.
Austin Jackson- Your hard work at the plate has paid off since your rookie season. You are striking out less and have become a hitter that pitchers don't like facing. Your acrobatics in the outfield are also hard to beat.
Torii Hunter- You are a leader when it matters and the Tigers desperately needed that. You are consistently trying to have a good time and it makes you enjoyable to watch.
JD Martinez- You hit a home run in a pinch hit situation! Not a lot of players can claim that.
Come back again for another round of Honey Roast. Remember this, the internet and social media specifically are places to connect with other people, not an avenue for your bitterness. Enjoy your long weekend and all the wonderful Tiger baseball we have to look forward to.
I joined Twitter last July for one main purpose, to comment on the Tigers in real time in a hopefully light-hearted and humorous way. I see Twitter for what it should be, a place where people can go to have a chuckle and feel vindicated in their shared interests and opinions. For the most part, those are the types of people I follow and the tweets I write. However, a large number of social media junkies see Twitter as a place to be down right cruel in an anonymous fashion. It's much easier to be mean, petty, and critical of others when they can't see your face. For years I was a Girls on the Run coach and we teach the girls about this sort of thing. They can spot it a mile away. It's called Cyber Bullying. Just because you don't personally know someone doesn't mean you aren't cyber bullying them.
When the Tigers swept in Baltimore and Boston, Twitter was all fun and games for the Tigers. There were Zubaz pictures and triumphant tweets about conquering playoff foes. Twitter was serving its purpose. We got to see hilarious pictures of our favorite players and get a glimpse into their everyday life as ball players. However, the games were over once the Tigers hit Cleveland. Obviously, it was a disappointing series topped off by THE WORST way to end a game with a bases loaded balk. I have to say I wrote an angry tweet myself:
And that's how not to end a road trip #epicfail #Tigers #shouldhaveletDonniepitch
I tried to make light of the situation by adding the joke about Donnie Kelly pitching. I may have even made a joke about Gene Lamont earlier in the game (sorry Gene if I was mean. I promise it's in good fun). Tigers fans took the loss as an opportunity to again question every move made by Ausmus and for some reason rag on the Tigers announcers, Mario and Rod. What those two had to do with the Tiger loss, I just don't know. Even if it eased the pain for some fans, I feel like it's just uncalled for. For some reason, Mario retweets some of their nastiness. I don't understand that.
Sure, we are all a little frustrated with Phil Coke and the Tigers bullpen. Trust me, they don't need to hear it to know they messed up. They already know. My advice to Phil is to avoid social media today or maybe all week.
So in the spirit of New Girl, I'm starting a new segment called Honey Roast. If you aren't familiar, a honey roast is when you say nice, true things about someone. I'd like to start with the outfielders today.
Rajai Davis- You are one fast dude and have rejuvenated the Tigers' running game. You have 14 stolen bases for Pete's sake. You also take base path fashion to new levels of awesome with your oven mitt to protect your hand. You are a valuable addition to the Tigers.
Austin Jackson- Your hard work at the plate has paid off since your rookie season. You are striking out less and have become a hitter that pitchers don't like facing. Your acrobatics in the outfield are also hard to beat.
Torii Hunter- You are a leader when it matters and the Tigers desperately needed that. You are consistently trying to have a good time and it makes you enjoyable to watch.
JD Martinez- You hit a home run in a pinch hit situation! Not a lot of players can claim that.
Come back again for another round of Honey Roast. Remember this, the internet and social media specifically are places to connect with other people, not an avenue for your bitterness. Enjoy your long weekend and all the wonderful Tiger baseball we have to look forward to.
Monday, May 19, 2014
Zubazpalooza Take 3
There's been a lot of press lately about how the Tigers have adopted the Zubaz pants, sweatshirts, and accessories as their official, unofficial uniforms. They were on ESPN, Yahoo, Facebook, and just about every local Michigan news station wearing their Zubaz while traveling to Cleveland. The Tigers players have Zubaz fever. The thing is, this Tigress and her band of merry Tigri have been infected with Zubaz fever for three years now. Faithful readers already know this, but if you are new to the blog, revisit some earlier posts. Zubaz also double as playoff pants and are guaranteed to get you interviewed by multiple television outlets.
As for Zubazpalooza twenty-one-four, let's meet our cast of characters. There's the Tigress (that's me *points to self), Sister Tigress, Crazy Tigress, and New-to-Zubaz Tigress. This year, the Tigers offered a Zubaz shirt, which is great for repeaters like us who have multiple pairs of pants and are looking to get even more tricked out in Zubaz gear.
Usually, the party has started at HockeyTown, but this year the party was at the Jungle in right field. This was much more convenient to go right to our seats after the yearly raffle where we are sure to win. We did start at HockeyTown anyway and did our short hike back to Comerica. Now, if one person is wearing Zubaz, you get attention. When four good-looking ladies are sporting them, you get stares and even compliments. I'm a firm believer in acknowledging compliments, but Sister Tigress likes to acknowledge stares as well. That means that she yelled at multiple people on our way to the stadium without being engaged in conversation. Yup, she's "that girl".
Here's a trivia question: You know you have Zubaz fever when:
A) Everyone in your party is already wearing Zubaz pants before the event where they give them away
B) You have additional accessories from previous years
C) The people running the event greet you like old friends and continuously shower you with swag
D) All of the above
I think you know the answer. I had my vintage Zubaz Tiger hat from approximately 1988 (which received a compliment from a group of men who were also wearing Zubaz upon entering the stadium. They had good taste). I also had my Zubaz sunglasses from last year and headbands. New Tigress had never been to an event (she was a pinch hitter for someone who double booked herself. Who double books on Zubaz?! Priorities, people), so I gave her a pair of my pants. That freed everyone up to receive a Zubaz t shirt.
Upon entering the Jungle (first of course), we were greeted like long lost relatives...you know, the crazy relatives you see once a year. While our friends were setting up shop, they started to cover our table in swag. Not everyone gets this kind of service, but when you are "regulars" (that's a direct quote), you get the VIP treatment. We received can koozies, bottle koozies (a true Zubazpalooza fan needs both for fancy and relaxed occasions), tattoos, headbands, retro sunglasses (see below), and Zubaz "sleeves". I had to ask what you do with the sleeve.
Our friends in events said they can go on your head, your arm, or even your leg as leg warmers. That's how the DTE Energy Squad was wearing them. You could also rob a bank with them.
Once we got our raffle tickets, we wandered a little to make some friends. People were definitely digging our shirts since they were a new item and not many people opted to get them. I will say this, if you didn't have Zubaz pants already, there's no reason you should get a shirt. That's like going to an English pub and ordering the Shepard's pie. Any ding bat knows you order fish and chips. It's just common sense. As a strategy this year, we pooled our raffle tickets to increase our winning odds with the idea of splitting up the booty. We won Zubaz flip flops and the coveted Zubaz sweatshirt. I ended up with the sandals and Sister Tigress ended up with the sweatshirt, that lucky duck. The only problem is that the sandals are a size 11-12 which means they are about a million sizes too big. Tip for next year, more than half of the Zubaz patrons are female. Get with the times, people. The chances that Frankenstein is going to win the sandals are slim to none. New Tigress's husband also said a big "no thank you" to the sweatshirt when offered. He must not know fashion. All my favorite players are sporting them.
Any good Tigress fan knows there's always one drunk person around you at a game who is being annoying and if you don't have one then it might just be you. The past two Zubazpaloozas that was me. This year, it was Crazy Tigress (yup, Yup, YUP!). She even shared my poncho by sticking her head in the sleeve during a short spring shower. For some reason, Zubaz has gotten earlier and earlier in the year. Our first year, it was in August. Last year it was mid-June. This year it was the beginning of May! I'm going to need Zubaz hat and mittens if it gets any earlier next year.
All in all it was a great day. The Tigers couldn't pull of a win, but the Zubaz is bringing them good luck on this road trip so I can't complain. When you see me in October at Comerica, remember to comment on my pants.
 |
| We make this look good |
As for Zubazpalooza twenty-one-four, let's meet our cast of characters. There's the Tigress (that's me *points to self), Sister Tigress, Crazy Tigress, and New-to-Zubaz Tigress. This year, the Tigers offered a Zubaz shirt, which is great for repeaters like us who have multiple pairs of pants and are looking to get even more tricked out in Zubaz gear.
Usually, the party has started at HockeyTown, but this year the party was at the Jungle in right field. This was much more convenient to go right to our seats after the yearly raffle where we are sure to win. We did start at HockeyTown anyway and did our short hike back to Comerica. Now, if one person is wearing Zubaz, you get attention. When four good-looking ladies are sporting them, you get stares and even compliments. I'm a firm believer in acknowledging compliments, but Sister Tigress likes to acknowledge stares as well. That means that she yelled at multiple people on our way to the stadium without being engaged in conversation. Yup, she's "that girl".
Here's a trivia question: You know you have Zubaz fever when:
A) Everyone in your party is already wearing Zubaz pants before the event where they give them away
B) You have additional accessories from previous years
C) The people running the event greet you like old friends and continuously shower you with swag
D) All of the above
I think you know the answer. I had my vintage Zubaz Tiger hat from approximately 1988 (which received a compliment from a group of men who were also wearing Zubaz upon entering the stadium. They had good taste). I also had my Zubaz sunglasses from last year and headbands. New Tigress had never been to an event (she was a pinch hitter for someone who double booked herself. Who double books on Zubaz?! Priorities, people), so I gave her a pair of my pants. That freed everyone up to receive a Zubaz t shirt.
Upon entering the Jungle (first of course), we were greeted like long lost relatives...you know, the crazy relatives you see once a year. While our friends were setting up shop, they started to cover our table in swag. Not everyone gets this kind of service, but when you are "regulars" (that's a direct quote), you get the VIP treatment. We received can koozies, bottle koozies (a true Zubazpalooza fan needs both for fancy and relaxed occasions), tattoos, headbands, retro sunglasses (see below), and Zubaz "sleeves". I had to ask what you do with the sleeve.
Our friends in events said they can go on your head, your arm, or even your leg as leg warmers. That's how the DTE Energy Squad was wearing them. You could also rob a bank with them.
All in all it was a great day. The Tigers couldn't pull of a win, but the Zubaz is bringing them good luck on this road trip so I can't complain. When you see me in October at Comerica, remember to comment on my pants.
 |
| You know you want to be a part of our family |
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Having Fun
Just because I don't write doesn't mean I don't love you or Tiger baseball. I've been watching as much as possible when caring for a nocturnal dragon (although she's becoming less nocturnal as the weeks turn to summer and more of a mini Tigress everyday). I even got to attend the famous Zubaz pants day. I promise I'll write about it soon since it's become a yearly tradition.
We are deep into May and the Tigers are playing some excellent baseball. Don't adjust your computer screen, I actually wrote that. The bats are active, the bullpen is decent, and the starting pitching is lights out as usual. I say that cautiously because Smyly and Porcello are still finding their groove. For the record, I'm not a Porcello hater by any stretch of the imagination. I just think he gets too much credit sometimes, especially from the announcing crew this year (you know who you are, Mario). Somehow, the bullpen is even contributing and throwing some quality innings. Here's some things I like about the team this year:
Joe Nathan- We have an actual, bonafide closer this year. That's right, usually in about July, we are scrambling through our beat down pen looking for someone to step up. Barring any injury, we have someone reliable and seasoned handling the ninth inning. It's pretty exciting to be enjoying something that other teams take for granted.
Ian Kinsler- Fielder/Kinsler trade...can we say "Winning"? Dom looks like a genius mastermind as usual with Prince still struggling and Kinsler looking like Bennie the Jet straight off the sandlot. He's got high socks, range, speed, a quick bat, and even goes yard once in a while. I've also seen his sick salsa moves on Twitter. He's the best acquisition in an off season full of new, solid players.
Scherzer/Verlander- The Dealing Duo (registered trademark) is doing what they always do, which is pitch lights out baseball. Verlander is still in his spring rut where he has a massive breakdown in about the sixth inning, but if he keeps at it, he can persevere. Maxxy Pooh is racking up extra dollars and zeros that are sure to be included in his contract with whatever team he signs with (I have little hope he'll sign with the Tigers so let's enjoy him while we can).
Fun- That's right, the Tigers are having fun. Whether it's some silly dance where their hands shake by their heads, Zubaz pants pulled up to the upper thigh (thanks Anibal), or the numerous handshakes, the Tigers are having fun with each other and it's paying off on the scoreboard. This is a very different team from the one last year that hung their heads after losing to Boston in the playoffs. I credit new blood and the leadership of the always smiling Torii Hunter. Joba Chamberlain might look like a lumberjack, but he acts like a clown.
Rad Brad- It doesn't matter who is managing, haters are going to hate. People are going to question lineup choices and calls on the field. Smokes can tell you all about it. My advice is to grow thick skin and buy some earplugs. I've liked the aggressive base running and gutsy small ball plays that the Tigers have been flashing this season. Brad's quiet presence in the dugout makes him seem more like a cool older brother rather than a grouchy grandpa looking for his next nicotine fix (I love you Smokes, but you know this is true). If you are on your best behavior, cool brother Brad might even teach you how to surf. Of course, I'd look like a genius manager too if I had the raw talent and experience that the Tigers clubhouse has, but Brad is holding his own and then some.
I'd like to think the Tigers aren't putting too much pressure on themselves and are just taking it one day at a time. That's the way they seem to be playing. This road trip has been a key part to the early season. With a sweep of the first place Orioles, a three game set with the team who took them down last year, and a series with a division foe in Cleveland, Detroit needs to send a message. We are bringing back the roar in 20-1-4 (now trending on Twitter). With a 25-12 record and a 6.5 game lead in the Central, you'd be having fun too.
We are deep into May and the Tigers are playing some excellent baseball. Don't adjust your computer screen, I actually wrote that. The bats are active, the bullpen is decent, and the starting pitching is lights out as usual. I say that cautiously because Smyly and Porcello are still finding their groove. For the record, I'm not a Porcello hater by any stretch of the imagination. I just think he gets too much credit sometimes, especially from the announcing crew this year (you know who you are, Mario). Somehow, the bullpen is even contributing and throwing some quality innings. Here's some things I like about the team this year:
Joe Nathan- We have an actual, bonafide closer this year. That's right, usually in about July, we are scrambling through our beat down pen looking for someone to step up. Barring any injury, we have someone reliable and seasoned handling the ninth inning. It's pretty exciting to be enjoying something that other teams take for granted.
Ian Kinsler- Fielder/Kinsler trade...can we say "Winning"? Dom looks like a genius mastermind as usual with Prince still struggling and Kinsler looking like Bennie the Jet straight off the sandlot. He's got high socks, range, speed, a quick bat, and even goes yard once in a while. I've also seen his sick salsa moves on Twitter. He's the best acquisition in an off season full of new, solid players.
Scherzer/Verlander- The Dealing Duo (registered trademark) is doing what they always do, which is pitch lights out baseball. Verlander is still in his spring rut where he has a massive breakdown in about the sixth inning, but if he keeps at it, he can persevere. Maxxy Pooh is racking up extra dollars and zeros that are sure to be included in his contract with whatever team he signs with (I have little hope he'll sign with the Tigers so let's enjoy him while we can).
Fun- That's right, the Tigers are having fun. Whether it's some silly dance where their hands shake by their heads, Zubaz pants pulled up to the upper thigh (thanks Anibal), or the numerous handshakes, the Tigers are having fun with each other and it's paying off on the scoreboard. This is a very different team from the one last year that hung their heads after losing to Boston in the playoffs. I credit new blood and the leadership of the always smiling Torii Hunter. Joba Chamberlain might look like a lumberjack, but he acts like a clown.
Rad Brad- It doesn't matter who is managing, haters are going to hate. People are going to question lineup choices and calls on the field. Smokes can tell you all about it. My advice is to grow thick skin and buy some earplugs. I've liked the aggressive base running and gutsy small ball plays that the Tigers have been flashing this season. Brad's quiet presence in the dugout makes him seem more like a cool older brother rather than a grouchy grandpa looking for his next nicotine fix (I love you Smokes, but you know this is true). If you are on your best behavior, cool brother Brad might even teach you how to surf. Of course, I'd look like a genius manager too if I had the raw talent and experience that the Tigers clubhouse has, but Brad is holding his own and then some.
I'd like to think the Tigers aren't putting too much pressure on themselves and are just taking it one day at a time. That's the way they seem to be playing. This road trip has been a key part to the early season. With a sweep of the first place Orioles, a three game set with the team who took them down last year, and a series with a division foe in Cleveland, Detroit needs to send a message. We are bringing back the roar in 20-1-4 (now trending on Twitter). With a 25-12 record and a 6.5 game lead in the Central, you'd be having fun too.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Part time baseball
This winter I was a part time employee. Not by choice, but due to the weather phenomena known as Polar Vortex and Artic Blast. There were 12 days that work was cancelled. While I'll have to make up some of these days, it makes for a leisurely work schedule. The Tigers pitchers are in a similar situation with their third game postponed with only a month of the season done. Some of these players have forgotten how to throw a curve, scuff up the ball, or hide their pine tar effectively. April is also a traditionally lightly scheduled month for the Tigers given the unpredictable Michigan weather (see above). The Tigers have had nine days off, six scheduled, in 32 days.
Like many other Americans, having one part time just just won't pay the bills. More than one job is necessary. Here are some suggestions for how the pitchers can make an extra buck.
SchEYEzer- Max is good with numbers and since April is a slow month for baseball, the most obvious choice is accounting. April is their busy time and they could always use another head around the office to help crunch numbers and fill out tax forms. Plus, Tax Man is a great nickname.
Ricky P- Not just another pretty face, Ricky can put his good looks to work. He's the guy dressed in the Uncle Sam costume outside of Max's tax company twirling a sign. His arm strength from years of pitching is sure to be an asset to sign twirling.
Verlander- JV's greatest asset is his personality and past achievements. The way to make easy cheddar is to do public appearances to promote all his favorite merchandise and goods. Taco Bell, video games, cereal, even various casinos and fast food establishments. If he really wants to please the crowd, he'll bring his lady friend with him.
Sanchez- Since Sanchez has been good for about half of each game he's pitched, he needs a job where a partner is encouraged. He'd make a really good half of a tag team wrestling team. Call WWE and see if Shawn Michaels is still wrestling. The Heartbreak Kid and the Fastball Kid would be an unstoppable duo. He'd even settle for Billy Gunn to become the New, New Age Outlaws.
Smyly- Since Smyly has yet to really become a "starting pitcher" due to weather, injuries, and other catastrophes, he's best farming himself out as a reliever to another MLB team. I know it's his dream to be a Major League starting pitcher, but the reality is that he's a very good and effective reliever. Why mess with something that works? There's an old phrase, "Do what makes you happy" but what's most important is "Do what makes you money." Pitching against one or two guys and then taking a seat the rest of the game sounds sweet to me.
Hopefully April showers (and snow and wind) will bring May doubleheaders. I have a feeling there's a reason these guys play baseball to earn their living. They probably wouldn't be very good at their other part time jobs.
Like many other Americans, having one part time just just won't pay the bills. More than one job is necessary. Here are some suggestions for how the pitchers can make an extra buck.
SchEYEzer- Max is good with numbers and since April is a slow month for baseball, the most obvious choice is accounting. April is their busy time and they could always use another head around the office to help crunch numbers and fill out tax forms. Plus, Tax Man is a great nickname.
Ricky P- Not just another pretty face, Ricky can put his good looks to work. He's the guy dressed in the Uncle Sam costume outside of Max's tax company twirling a sign. His arm strength from years of pitching is sure to be an asset to sign twirling.
Verlander- JV's greatest asset is his personality and past achievements. The way to make easy cheddar is to do public appearances to promote all his favorite merchandise and goods. Taco Bell, video games, cereal, even various casinos and fast food establishments. If he really wants to please the crowd, he'll bring his lady friend with him.
Sanchez- Since Sanchez has been good for about half of each game he's pitched, he needs a job where a partner is encouraged. He'd make a really good half of a tag team wrestling team. Call WWE and see if Shawn Michaels is still wrestling. The Heartbreak Kid and the Fastball Kid would be an unstoppable duo. He'd even settle for Billy Gunn to become the New, New Age Outlaws.
Smyly- Since Smyly has yet to really become a "starting pitcher" due to weather, injuries, and other catastrophes, he's best farming himself out as a reliever to another MLB team. I know it's his dream to be a Major League starting pitcher, but the reality is that he's a very good and effective reliever. Why mess with something that works? There's an old phrase, "Do what makes you happy" but what's most important is "Do what makes you money." Pitching against one or two guys and then taking a seat the rest of the game sounds sweet to me.
Hopefully April showers (and snow and wind) will bring May doubleheaders. I have a feeling there's a reason these guys play baseball to earn their living. They probably wouldn't be very good at their other part time jobs.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Winter baseball
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
All over the state
Winter hooded players
Old space heaters
A little dusting shouldn't stop the game!
Seriously, Detroit got what is considered a normal spring snowfall on Tuesday and the game was cancelled. Here's a sample of the tweets that show how baseball players have become soft over the years.
Snowball fight
With an inch of snow?! Dream on kid.
There is snow on the ground... And we are suppose to play a baseball game tonight
You can tell he's from Arkansas.
Rookie mistake last night! Anybody have one of those snow scrapers? I don't own one. Lol #nexttimegarage pic.twitter.com/5r9kcS4eGE
Children born in Michigan are issued a snow scraper upon release from the hospital. I'm sure they are included in the sale of every car. How else did three end up in my trunk? Asking everyone in the Twitter universe if they own a snow scraper is just asking for ridicule.
Yep, it snowed pic.twitter.com/WzXKXd3Dm7
Seriously, you can still see pavement!
Look, I get that many of these guys aren't from Michigan or anywhere north of the Mason Dixon, but you live in Michigan for about seven months out of the year. Snow is possible in ten of the twelve months when you live in Michigan. A snow scraper, ear muffs, hand warmers...these are essentials in the mitten state. Strap on your Polanco hoods and lace up your cleat boots. Spring means baseball! I miss baseball.
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Nocturnal dragon
It occured to me that Tuesday's game was the first opportunity for a true "night" game. Unfortunately, the night was on the Pacific coast meaning game time is 10...PM. Faithful readers will remember that 10 PM is way past the Tigress's bedtime. However, now that I'm raising a snuggly, nocturnal dragon, I'm finding myself awake at odd hours of the night. Now, the best ideas don't necessarily come at 1 AM, but some interesting ones do. Here's what came to mind last night:
Mario made a comment about Gene Lamont being perched on the shoulder of Rad Brad, which got me to thinking...gee, that's what he used to do to Smokes. An image immediately appeared in my head.
Allow me to connect the dots. Jafar represents the current Tigers manager and that annoying bird, Iago, to the right is Lamont. The adviser to the royal vizier. Always squawking in his ear but not always necessarily making sense. What other sidekicks from recent cinema also apply in this scenario? Funny you should ask.
Surprisingly, our next example bares a striking resemblance to the man himself. This one is a tad more bumbling, but loyal to a fault. Mr. Smee and Lamont are brothers from a different mother.
A true sidekick though is willing to switch sides at the drop of the hat in pursuit of fame and fortune. Case in point, David Spade's character in Coneheads. He always intercepts messages to relay to his boss in hopes of looking better and seeming important. Seems spot on to me!
Lamont will have to blaze his own trail and be the best of all these characters in his quest for Tiger supremacy. Maybe he'll work his way up to the front office upon retirement. Dombrowski's shoulder has been looking fairly cold recently given all the shade he threw at Scherzer.
On an unrelated note, the new format for McDonald's player of the game has taken a new interesting and competitive nature. Rod, Mario, and a Fox Sports reporter predict who will be the player of the game. So far, it's led Rod and Mario to make subtle jabs at each other during the game and gloat when their player is doing well. I like where this is going.
Rod and Mario have been singing the praises of Evan Reed early on in this season. As I was surfing the web (no surfboard necessary), I found an article about Evan Reed being accused of sexual assault the day before opening day at MotorCity Casino. While he hasn't been charged yet, somehow this always happens when players are just breaking out. I'm going to reserve judgment until they investigate further, but a word to the wise to other up and coming Tiger stars, keep your nose clean and your head in the game. It's only April, we need all hands on deck. That's no way to get picked for player of the game or impress the sidekick. Remember, he makes the phone calls out to the bullpen many times.
Mario made a comment about Gene Lamont being perched on the shoulder of Rad Brad, which got me to thinking...gee, that's what he used to do to Smokes. An image immediately appeared in my head.
 |
| Polly want a cracker? |
Surprisingly, our next example bares a striking resemblance to the man himself. This one is a tad more bumbling, but loyal to a fault. Mr. Smee and Lamont are brothers from a different mother.
 |
| Tip to Smee, Lamont orders his shirts in extra long |
 |
| Let me tell him. He's had a rough day. |
Lamont will have to blaze his own trail and be the best of all these characters in his quest for Tiger supremacy. Maybe he'll work his way up to the front office upon retirement. Dombrowski's shoulder has been looking fairly cold recently given all the shade he threw at Scherzer.
 |
| I still have my BFF necklace |
On an unrelated note, the new format for McDonald's player of the game has taken a new interesting and competitive nature. Rod, Mario, and a Fox Sports reporter predict who will be the player of the game. So far, it's led Rod and Mario to make subtle jabs at each other during the game and gloat when their player is doing well. I like where this is going.
Rod and Mario have been singing the praises of Evan Reed early on in this season. As I was surfing the web (no surfboard necessary), I found an article about Evan Reed being accused of sexual assault the day before opening day at MotorCity Casino. While he hasn't been charged yet, somehow this always happens when players are just breaking out. I'm going to reserve judgment until they investigate further, but a word to the wise to other up and coming Tiger stars, keep your nose clean and your head in the game. It's only April, we need all hands on deck. That's no way to get picked for player of the game or impress the sidekick. Remember, he makes the phone calls out to the bullpen many times.
 |
| What? This isn't Little Caesars? |
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Close calls
Rad Brad successfully won a challenge in the second game of the season. As if that wasn't enough, he decided to try it again. Oh ya, he won that one too. Two successful challenges in only the second game of the season. I do have one gripe about Brad's challenging technique, he's way too calm! He must not have studied Smokes' style during the winter. Brad quietly strolled out to the umpire, appeared to speak at a conversational level, and then walked away with a smile as the umpire went to go check the replay. Is this Brad's style, or are the crazy manager rants of old obsolete?
With replay, there's no reason to go ape-crazy on an umpire because there's an umpire crew in New York looking at twelve (over compensating much?) camera views to determine the correct call. Hard to argue with that process. Once a call is reviewed, arguing is just like banging your head against the wall. It causes a commotion but that wall isn't moving. I'm going to be honest, if instant replay makes managers more reasonable, then I say we get rid of it. No reason that managers have to be rational and treat umpires with respect. I mean, the best part of watching March Madness is waiting for a coach to go crazy and get a technical. Crazy equals entertaining, which leads to high ratings.
Tigers have one more game against the new and improved Royals (seriously, this team made a playoff run last year). A sweep would be great, so keep your Swiffers close my friends.
With replay, there's no reason to go ape-crazy on an umpire because there's an umpire crew in New York looking at twelve (over compensating much?) camera views to determine the correct call. Hard to argue with that process. Once a call is reviewed, arguing is just like banging your head against the wall. It causes a commotion but that wall isn't moving. I'm going to be honest, if instant replay makes managers more reasonable, then I say we get rid of it. No reason that managers have to be rational and treat umpires with respect. I mean, the best part of watching March Madness is waiting for a coach to go crazy and get a technical. Crazy equals entertaining, which leads to high ratings.
Tigers have one more game against the new and improved Royals (seriously, this team made a playoff run last year). A sweep would be great, so keep your Swiffers close my friends.
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| Hey everyone, come see how reasonable I'm acting |
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Terrifying
This. Is. Terrifying. I know Scherzer has a unique look to him, but come on! If the governor was really doing his job, if he's really one tough nerd, then he would outlaw life size bobbleheads. Nothing good can come of them. In fact, to help bail Detroit out of bankruptcy, they should put donation buckets in front of the bobbleheads. Once enough money is collected, they are taken away.
More examples of crimes against bobbleheads:
Monday, March 31, 2014
Opening Day
I feel like I've been out of the game so long that this opening day sneaked up on me. I had a dream last night that I was watching the game and didn't know half of the players. This was very distressing. With all the injuries lately and last minute moves, my head is in such a tizzy. To make up for it, here are some of my thoughts from the game. I'll feel more connected, you'll be informed, and all will be right with the world.
Cheer assessment: Biggest cheers for Cabby, Verlander, Scherzer, and Ausmus. Surprisingly loud cheer for Gene Lamont (people must have acquired amnesia over the winter). Loudest cheer of all? Donnie Kelly. That just proves that in Detroit, starting is overrated. I think #DonnieKelly was trending on Twitter.
I'm digging the high socks that Kinsler is wearing. Interesting choice to have him bat first. Let's see how this plays out. Leyland was so set in having Jackson start things off, but I like that Ausmus is mixing things up and putting his own stamp on things. Lineups are meant to be fluid and adapted as the season goes on and players go through droughts and streaks. Rod assures me that Torii will move in the lineup, which means others will move too.
First "I see you" of the year? Vmart. So glad to have him in the lineup and healthy. He changed his middle name over the winter to Clutch after a great season last year (especially given his slow start).
Verlander's face must have been cold down in Florida because he grew a little scruff for opening day. He always seems to have the roughest time in April so it's good he gets out there and gets his licks in. Personally, I think this was Scherzer's opening day to start, but my application for Tiger manager was not picked over the winter. I really bombed the interview when I showed up in my Zubaz pants.
Alex Gonzalez is sporting the chin strap over at shortstop. He must have watched a little too much tape of Jhonny from last year. Just stay away from the PEDs, Alex.
Very strange to see Joe Nathan in a Tiger uniform. After so many years playing against him, I just hope he's as stellar as he was when he was playing against us.
A win on opening day is great. A walk off win on opening day is wonderful. Love the contributions from the players in the bottom of the lineup. Castellanos and Gonzalez were a little jittery in the field, but they pulled through with the bats when needed. Very glad that this game did not have to go to extra innings. That's not the way to start the season.
Game one down. Only 160 more to go.
Cheer assessment: Biggest cheers for Cabby, Verlander, Scherzer, and Ausmus. Surprisingly loud cheer for Gene Lamont (people must have acquired amnesia over the winter). Loudest cheer of all? Donnie Kelly. That just proves that in Detroit, starting is overrated. I think #DonnieKelly was trending on Twitter.
I'm digging the high socks that Kinsler is wearing. Interesting choice to have him bat first. Let's see how this plays out. Leyland was so set in having Jackson start things off, but I like that Ausmus is mixing things up and putting his own stamp on things. Lineups are meant to be fluid and adapted as the season goes on and players go through droughts and streaks. Rod assures me that Torii will move in the lineup, which means others will move too.
First "I see you" of the year? Vmart. So glad to have him in the lineup and healthy. He changed his middle name over the winter to Clutch after a great season last year (especially given his slow start).
Verlander's face must have been cold down in Florida because he grew a little scruff for opening day. He always seems to have the roughest time in April so it's good he gets out there and gets his licks in. Personally, I think this was Scherzer's opening day to start, but my application for Tiger manager was not picked over the winter. I really bombed the interview when I showed up in my Zubaz pants.
Alex Gonzalez is sporting the chin strap over at shortstop. He must have watched a little too much tape of Jhonny from last year. Just stay away from the PEDs, Alex.
Very strange to see Joe Nathan in a Tiger uniform. After so many years playing against him, I just hope he's as stellar as he was when he was playing against us.
A win on opening day is great. A walk off win on opening day is wonderful. Love the contributions from the players in the bottom of the lineup. Castellanos and Gonzalez were a little jittery in the field, but they pulled through with the bats when needed. Very glad that this game did not have to go to extra innings. That's not the way to start the season.
Game one down. Only 160 more to go.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Under the mattress
Dom is a little like a spoiled kid in a toy store these days. He wants the shiniest, newest toy in the store and when he doesn't get what he wants, the mismatched eye doll was out of stock, he goes for the priciest toy that's been hiding in the back room waiting to be released. Mike Ilitch must have an eight bedroom house because he has been stuffing cash under each mattress for just such an occasion. Miguel Cabrera better buy a new winter coat with his 248 million dollars because he'll be dealing with cold Michigan springs and falls for the next ten years.
Some may say ten year contracts (eight year extension in this case) are ridiculous and too much of a commitment, and they would be right. Think of the other ten year deals that have happened recently. Prince Fielder, traded. Alex Rodriguez, PED user. Albert Pujols, in the twilight of his career. These things don't necessarily equal a smart decision for the Tigers. Now, Miggy is locked in to hopefully finish his career in Detroit.
Miggy is My Tiger, so this is fabulous news for me. However, ten years is a life time. Mini Tigress will be in fourth grade in ten years and will probably be hitting dingers herself in Little League. Miggy doesn't have the best health history and ten years of good health in any sport is a blind gamble. It's risky, and it's what Dom wants so it's what Dom gets. Part of the equation is also the aging Ilitch and his desire to finally get that World Series ring. Forget about your inheritance kids, Papa Ilitch is going big!
Sounds like Miggy is going to finish his career with Detroit and he's thrilled. He should be thrilled. He can buy a huge vault and pull a Scrooge McDuck and swim in all his pennies whenever he wants. I read that he'll be making upwards of 49,000 dollars per at bat, which is more than the median income for the people of Michigan.
It's impossible to say whether this is a good deal or a poor deal. Don't let other people fool you. No one has the foresight to see if this is going to work out or not and those that pretend they do are just crazy. The real question is, does this mean negotiations with Scherzer will be nonexistent once the season is over? We shall see. I know this, a happy Miggy makes a productive Miggy.
Some may say ten year contracts (eight year extension in this case) are ridiculous and too much of a commitment, and they would be right. Think of the other ten year deals that have happened recently. Prince Fielder, traded. Alex Rodriguez, PED user. Albert Pujols, in the twilight of his career. These things don't necessarily equal a smart decision for the Tigers. Now, Miggy is locked in to hopefully finish his career in Detroit.
Miggy is My Tiger, so this is fabulous news for me. However, ten years is a life time. Mini Tigress will be in fourth grade in ten years and will probably be hitting dingers herself in Little League. Miggy doesn't have the best health history and ten years of good health in any sport is a blind gamble. It's risky, and it's what Dom wants so it's what Dom gets. Part of the equation is also the aging Ilitch and his desire to finally get that World Series ring. Forget about your inheritance kids, Papa Ilitch is going big!
Sounds like Miggy is going to finish his career with Detroit and he's thrilled. He should be thrilled. He can buy a huge vault and pull a Scrooge McDuck and swim in all his pennies whenever he wants. I read that he'll be making upwards of 49,000 dollars per at bat, which is more than the median income for the people of Michigan.
It's impossible to say whether this is a good deal or a poor deal. Don't let other people fool you. No one has the foresight to see if this is going to work out or not and those that pretend they do are just crazy. The real question is, does this mean negotiations with Scherzer will be nonexistent once the season is over? We shall see. I know this, a happy Miggy makes a productive Miggy.
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| You'd smile too if you could buy golden underwear |
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Extensions
This spring has been all about extensions. Extensions for players and the extension of the Tigress. Mini Tigress has arrived and she's the coolest Tiger fan under the age of one month around. Nothing prepares you for a little one, but I'm going to suggest a new activity in childcare classes. If you can wrap a wiggling puppy in a large size tortilla with the precision of a Qdoba burrito maker with an air horn blowing in your ear while on one hour of sleep, then you are one step closer to being prepared for a child. Skills and depth of performance are really pushed to the limits at 3 AM feedings.
The other extension on everyone's mind has been that of Max Scherzer. Dom is usually cool as a cucumber in both trade situations and when interviewed. He seemed to take offense to Max's refusal of a contract extension, however. He threw a minor hissy fit, throwing Max under the bus by revealing how much money he had offered him and implying he was being greedy. My only response to Dom is the same as Mini Tigress would say at this point, "Wah."
Max has a right to refuse a contract with any team. It's also been said that both sides will wait and hold off negotiations until after the 2014 season. Even better idea.
Scherzer had a Cy Young winning season last year. He has the goods and the smarts to do it again. There's no saying what will happen this season though. Injuries, overuse, or a jinx may be in Max's future. Let the season play out to see if it's worth it to spend the money to resign Scherzer.
The Tigers have their ace and franchise player, Justin Verlander. He swims in pools of Tiger money and drinks the tears of Tiger fans' adoration. As much as Scherzer was the better player last year, he's not the Tigers' golden boy. If he wants that status, then he has to look to another team.
Miggy is signed through the 2015 season. Beyond that, who knows if the Tigers will have the money to attract another big name bat. If Scherzer starts shopping for a new team this year, then he has his choice of big men to pair up with to make a title run. He can also go where the money is free and not tied up in other big name players.
In a perfect world, the Tigers will win the 2014 World Series and Max Scherzer will be a hero. If that's true, he'll become more valuable than the Tigers can manage to keep and we will have to part ways. I'd love to keep Max on the team. In truth, I prefer him to Verlander. He has a more level head and doesn't date swimsuit models. There's an old saying though. If you love someone, set him free. If he signs a new contract with the Tigers, then we know he's ours.
Let's let the season play out with the best efforts on both sides and revisit this conversation in November. Not a day sooner.
The other extension on everyone's mind has been that of Max Scherzer. Dom is usually cool as a cucumber in both trade situations and when interviewed. He seemed to take offense to Max's refusal of a contract extension, however. He threw a minor hissy fit, throwing Max under the bus by revealing how much money he had offered him and implying he was being greedy. My only response to Dom is the same as Mini Tigress would say at this point, "Wah."
Max has a right to refuse a contract with any team. It's also been said that both sides will wait and hold off negotiations until after the 2014 season. Even better idea.
Scherzer had a Cy Young winning season last year. He has the goods and the smarts to do it again. There's no saying what will happen this season though. Injuries, overuse, or a jinx may be in Max's future. Let the season play out to see if it's worth it to spend the money to resign Scherzer.
The Tigers have their ace and franchise player, Justin Verlander. He swims in pools of Tiger money and drinks the tears of Tiger fans' adoration. As much as Scherzer was the better player last year, he's not the Tigers' golden boy. If he wants that status, then he has to look to another team.
Miggy is signed through the 2015 season. Beyond that, who knows if the Tigers will have the money to attract another big name bat. If Scherzer starts shopping for a new team this year, then he has his choice of big men to pair up with to make a title run. He can also go where the money is free and not tied up in other big name players.
In a perfect world, the Tigers will win the 2014 World Series and Max Scherzer will be a hero. If that's true, he'll become more valuable than the Tigers can manage to keep and we will have to part ways. I'd love to keep Max on the team. In truth, I prefer him to Verlander. He has a more level head and doesn't date swimsuit models. There's an old saying though. If you love someone, set him free. If he signs a new contract with the Tigers, then we know he's ours.
Let's let the season play out with the best efforts on both sides and revisit this conversation in November. Not a day sooner.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
My Tiger- the sequel
It was a sad winter for all Dougie Fresh fans in Detroit. There was one fan in particular that took things hard. Here's a hint: It was me. Maybe that's why this winter was one of the worst in recent history. Cold, snowy, and lonely. Mother Nature was a Fister fan too. She'll have to throw on a National cap this season.
As for me, I won't be switching my allegiance to a team, just picking a new player to devote my fandom to in a ridiculous manner. Let's do a brief history to catch you all up. From approximately 2001 to 2011 (that's ten years, longer than all my romantic relationships combined), Brandon Inge was "My Tiger" before the term was even coined. Some tough decisions were made in the off season and I released Inge as My Tiger before the Tigers released him from the team. Dougie Fresh has been My Tiger for the past two, blissfully wonderful years.
Now, a new era in Tigress My Tiger is upon us. Rather than go through the choices and my agonizing decision, I'm going to make this really simple. My pick is sending a clear message to Dave Dom and AusMust about continuing the contract of a certain MVP beyond even 2015. My pick is to stand behind our batting champ and metaphorically spit in the face of haters who say this guy has been drinking the juice for years.
My pick for My Tiger is Miguel Cabrera. He's the man, he deserves my loyalty and I'll proudly give it this time around. I feel like having Miggy as My Tiger is the right way to bring a child into this world. I'd hate to give my child the impression that mediocrity is acceptable when it comes to professional sports. I won't fight it anymore, power and numbers are what earns respect and awards in sports.
Congrats Miggy. Even though the honor is mine, it's also partly yours too. You're welcome.
As for me, I won't be switching my allegiance to a team, just picking a new player to devote my fandom to in a ridiculous manner. Let's do a brief history to catch you all up. From approximately 2001 to 2011 (that's ten years, longer than all my romantic relationships combined), Brandon Inge was "My Tiger" before the term was even coined. Some tough decisions were made in the off season and I released Inge as My Tiger before the Tigers released him from the team. Dougie Fresh has been My Tiger for the past two, blissfully wonderful years.
Now, a new era in Tigress My Tiger is upon us. Rather than go through the choices and my agonizing decision, I'm going to make this really simple. My pick is sending a clear message to Dave Dom and AusMust about continuing the contract of a certain MVP beyond even 2015. My pick is to stand behind our batting champ and metaphorically spit in the face of haters who say this guy has been drinking the juice for years.
My pick for My Tiger is Miguel Cabrera. He's the man, he deserves my loyalty and I'll proudly give it this time around. I feel like having Miggy as My Tiger is the right way to bring a child into this world. I'd hate to give my child the impression that mediocrity is acceptable when it comes to professional sports. I won't fight it anymore, power and numbers are what earns respect and awards in sports.
Congrats Miggy. Even though the honor is mine, it's also partly yours too. You're welcome.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Beware the cannon
Every year in Lakeland, a new Tiger team starts preparing for 162 games. Even though some of the faces may look familiar, even one player or coaching change can alter the whole team dynamic. This year there are quite a few new faces, which means that anything can happen. Here are some new faces to watch:
Brad Ausmus: The biggest X factor this year is the manager himself. Tiger fans and players have gotten used to Smokes' style of managing. Consistency was key and cigarettes were smoked in the tunnel. How will Brad manage, especially given his group of All Stars he has? No matter what he does, he's sure to get criticized, probably more than praised.
Joe Nathan: To say that Joe is getting on in his years is an understatement. There are two types of players, those that go out with a bang (Chipper Jones, even without the championship) and those who fizzle into oblivion (Papa Potato). Which will Joe be?
Ian Kinsler: An article came out in ESPN the Magazine where Kinsler was very critical of the Rangers' general manager and hopes that his former team goes winless all season. He's very unhappy with the Rangers for many reasons, they are too tedious to list. The point is, if a player has the ability to complain about his former team, what's to stop him from complaining about his current team? My advice to Kinsler is to keep his head down, adjust to his new environment, and take his cues from the team leaders. He should sidle up to Torii and listen to the captain.
The other changes might not be as significant, but every player makes a difference and every coach can transform the game. Even Bryan Holiday in all his swimsuit glory can distract the team. Kate Upton is on Tigress notice. Don't disrupt or distract the team, lady! You never know where the loose cannon lies.
Brad Ausmus: The biggest X factor this year is the manager himself. Tiger fans and players have gotten used to Smokes' style of managing. Consistency was key and cigarettes were smoked in the tunnel. How will Brad manage, especially given his group of All Stars he has? No matter what he does, he's sure to get criticized, probably more than praised.
Joe Nathan: To say that Joe is getting on in his years is an understatement. There are two types of players, those that go out with a bang (Chipper Jones, even without the championship) and those who fizzle into oblivion (Papa Potato). Which will Joe be?
Ian Kinsler: An article came out in ESPN the Magazine where Kinsler was very critical of the Rangers' general manager and hopes that his former team goes winless all season. He's very unhappy with the Rangers for many reasons, they are too tedious to list. The point is, if a player has the ability to complain about his former team, what's to stop him from complaining about his current team? My advice to Kinsler is to keep his head down, adjust to his new environment, and take his cues from the team leaders. He should sidle up to Torii and listen to the captain.
The other changes might not be as significant, but every player makes a difference and every coach can transform the game. Even Bryan Holiday in all his swimsuit glory can distract the team. Kate Upton is on Tigress notice. Don't disrupt or distract the team, lady! You never know where the loose cannon lies.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Winter diversions
This was a long, lonely winter in Michigan without a championship to keep us warm. To get through the Polar Vortex and feet upon feet of snow, any good Detroit sports fan needs a little diversion. It's the only way March will get here faster. Every four years, old man winter gives the greatest gift of all: The Winter Olympics. While often considered the unwanted younger brother of The Summer Olympics, The Winter Olympics has lots to offer if you know where to look. Here's a retrospective on the two week collection of sports that's as diverse as the great state of Michigan itself.
Most practical winter sport: Biathlon. Imagine, you live in Minnesota in the 1800s and it's winter. How do you provide for your family? Why you strap on your cross country skis, grab your gun, and go get dinner. While the athletes aren't shooting at squirrels or rabbits, the practicality of the sport still shines through. Tell me you won an Olympic medal and I'm impressed. Tell me you medaled in the biathlon and I'll invite you to dinner.
Most chill athletes: Snowboarders, especially the slopestyle and half pipe. Have an epic fall in snowboarding? Get to the bottom, smile, and flash a peace sign. Fall in almost any sport and pound your head in pure heartache and agony. The snowboarders are just happy to be invited to the Olympics after being off the grid for so long. Let's be honest, they are ratings gold and it would be wise to add more high-flying events to boost interest in the general public.
Most unchill athletes: Ice skaters. While I enjoy a good free dance, there are no more nerves present than during warm ups before each group in ice skating, especially for the women. Tears of joy and disappointment are often present in the ice rink. There's a reason they are called ice princesses. Even after the competition, there's room to complain and file complaints. You know what's hurting your sport? Your poor attitude. Chew on that for a while.
Sport that brings in the standard sport fan: Hockey. Want to see all your favorite NHL stars? They're here, you just have to look for them. It's actually a good exercise in last name origin and genealogy. Big winners this year is that country to the north. Everyone needs to be good in something I suppose.
Sport you literally only watch every four years: Curling. I probably watched seven curling matches, not all US teams. The terms themselves are whimsical. Throw the rocks at the house, but have a strategy for the hammer! Anyone can be a curler. The Canadian men take it to a whole new level with their workout routines, but any office worker could grab a broom and jump out there.
Most talked about sport: Bob Costas's conjunctivitis. Nothing brings out people's interest like a little pink eye. Here's my question though, with both Al Michaels and Dan Patrick in Sochi, how are those two not tapped to pinch hit for Costas? They have the experience in sports whereas Meredith and Matt are news desk jockeys. I guess either one of them is better than the British lady with bad posture who was on the afternoon circuit. Sit up lady! This is the Olympics!
Worst act by a loser: The camera people who hounded Bode Miller after his bronze medal interview. Look back people. Sure the reporter tried to make him cry, but those cameramen kept the zoom close on his face and even told someone to get out of the camera shot. He's 36 and has been through a lot. Let the man have a little space. It's the polite thing to do.
Most random pairing in an event: Nordic Combined. In what universe does ski jumping go with cross country skiing? How about moguls with ice dancing next time around? Sounds super.
Best fashion: Norway's curling pants. That's right, they beat out all of Johnny Weir's outfits and head pieces. Maybe in four more years Johnny can try again. This time around he'll have to settle for the silver.
Now that all the pomp and circumstance has passed, it's time for good, old American baseball.
Most practical winter sport: Biathlon. Imagine, you live in Minnesota in the 1800s and it's winter. How do you provide for your family? Why you strap on your cross country skis, grab your gun, and go get dinner. While the athletes aren't shooting at squirrels or rabbits, the practicality of the sport still shines through. Tell me you won an Olympic medal and I'm impressed. Tell me you medaled in the biathlon and I'll invite you to dinner.
Most chill athletes: Snowboarders, especially the slopestyle and half pipe. Have an epic fall in snowboarding? Get to the bottom, smile, and flash a peace sign. Fall in almost any sport and pound your head in pure heartache and agony. The snowboarders are just happy to be invited to the Olympics after being off the grid for so long. Let's be honest, they are ratings gold and it would be wise to add more high-flying events to boost interest in the general public.
Most unchill athletes: Ice skaters. While I enjoy a good free dance, there are no more nerves present than during warm ups before each group in ice skating, especially for the women. Tears of joy and disappointment are often present in the ice rink. There's a reason they are called ice princesses. Even after the competition, there's room to complain and file complaints. You know what's hurting your sport? Your poor attitude. Chew on that for a while.
Sport that brings in the standard sport fan: Hockey. Want to see all your favorite NHL stars? They're here, you just have to look for them. It's actually a good exercise in last name origin and genealogy. Big winners this year is that country to the north. Everyone needs to be good in something I suppose.
Sport you literally only watch every four years: Curling. I probably watched seven curling matches, not all US teams. The terms themselves are whimsical. Throw the rocks at the house, but have a strategy for the hammer! Anyone can be a curler. The Canadian men take it to a whole new level with their workout routines, but any office worker could grab a broom and jump out there.
Most talked about sport: Bob Costas's conjunctivitis. Nothing brings out people's interest like a little pink eye. Here's my question though, with both Al Michaels and Dan Patrick in Sochi, how are those two not tapped to pinch hit for Costas? They have the experience in sports whereas Meredith and Matt are news desk jockeys. I guess either one of them is better than the British lady with bad posture who was on the afternoon circuit. Sit up lady! This is the Olympics!
Worst act by a loser: The camera people who hounded Bode Miller after his bronze medal interview. Look back people. Sure the reporter tried to make him cry, but those cameramen kept the zoom close on his face and even told someone to get out of the camera shot. He's 36 and has been through a lot. Let the man have a little space. It's the polite thing to do.
Most random pairing in an event: Nordic Combined. In what universe does ski jumping go with cross country skiing? How about moguls with ice dancing next time around? Sounds super.
Best fashion: Norway's curling pants. That's right, they beat out all of Johnny Weir's outfits and head pieces. Maybe in four more years Johnny can try again. This time around he'll have to settle for the silver.
Now that all the pomp and circumstance has passed, it's time for good, old American baseball.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
2nd anniversary
I can't believe it's been two years. It seems like only yesterday this blog was a idea egg in my head and now it's a full blown chicken. Or something... According to social tradition (and completely arbitrary), cotton is the traditional gift for the second anniversary. I thought it was fitting to get you a Tiger's handkerchief. Here's why:
You are probably still drying your eyes after the Tigers lost to the Red Sox last year. Dry your tears, friends. We are in Spring Training and a little over a month from opening day. It's time to move on and forget what's gone.
You need the hankey as a tribute to Smokes this year. Anytime a post game interview with Ausmus is shown, get out your hankey and pretend to cry as Smokes would have.
Your Tiger is gone, gone, gone. Times are rough in Tigressville.
You still haven't gotten rid of the cold/flu you've been nursing since November. Recovery was severely hampered by the Polar Vortex and the amount of snow you shoveled this year. Take a shot of orange juice and your zinc vitamin and get over it.
The modern gift suggestion for two years is china. As your modern gift, I extend to you these wine glasses that can double as champagne flutes. No long explanation needed here. You are going to need these puppies when the Tigers win the World Series. Actually, I take that back. Go champion style and just spray the champagne directly into your mouth. Sheets of plastic on the wall are optional.
Don't worry, you don't have to get me anything. All I ask for is your undying love and affection for me and the Tigers. Easy peasy.
You are probably still drying your eyes after the Tigers lost to the Red Sox last year. Dry your tears, friends. We are in Spring Training and a little over a month from opening day. It's time to move on and forget what's gone.
You need the hankey as a tribute to Smokes this year. Anytime a post game interview with Ausmus is shown, get out your hankey and pretend to cry as Smokes would have.
Your Tiger is gone, gone, gone. Times are rough in Tigressville.
You still haven't gotten rid of the cold/flu you've been nursing since November. Recovery was severely hampered by the Polar Vortex and the amount of snow you shoveled this year. Take a shot of orange juice and your zinc vitamin and get over it.
The modern gift suggestion for two years is china. As your modern gift, I extend to you these wine glasses that can double as champagne flutes. No long explanation needed here. You are going to need these puppies when the Tigers win the World Series. Actually, I take that back. Go champion style and just spray the champagne directly into your mouth. Sheets of plastic on the wall are optional.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Absence
You know what they say about absence...it makes the heart grow fonder. Well, I'm guessing you are very fond of me right now! After a month and a half sabbatical, the Tigress emerges from her den and declares that Spring Training is here! Well, for pitchers and catchers, but the rest of the staff is not far behind. There was a picture of Ian Kinsler and Jose Iglesias posted on the Tigers' Facebook. I hope these two have taken a dance class or at least gone to couple's counseling, because they will be seeing a lot of each other this season on either side of 2nd base.
Rest assured that the Tigress has not been researching a new team to devote herself to. No, I won't be transferring my fandom to the Nationals in order to keep my favorite player (Doug Fister, may he rest in Tiger peace). I've been prepping and preparing for the newest Tiger fan to make her entrance. Baby Tigress will be here in less than a month and the whole Tigress family has been working to ensure that she's the most fabulous Tiger fan to ever grace this Earth. So, how does the Tigress decorate a nursery to encourage optimal Detroit love? Why with Tigers swag of course.
First up, window treatments. Nothing quite blocks out the sun (and the Yankees' chances at a World Series) better than a Tigers valance. It sets the mood for the whole room (fun) and draws the eye to the most important letter in the alphabet.
Next on the list is a place to put all of Baby Tigress's bobbleheads and other collectibles. Mr. Tiger flexed his creative handiwork and made this over the closet shelf. The brackets are two sided with "Tigers" written in script in one side and the olde English D on the other. They are pretty boss.
The only way to adorn such a majestic shelf is to gather the greatest assortment of Tigers memorabilia and display it proudly. You'll notice the gnomes given by Brother Tiger, the JV doll bought at the playoff game, and many a bobblehead acquired in promotional giveaways. I've also included many bobbleheads from stadiums I've visited through the years.
While watching the Tigers is the top of Baby Tigress's priority list, literacy is a close second. Her favorite books are about...the Tigers (imagine that!). She also has a vintage dollhouse to store her books. Notice the baseball bat, glove and ball handle on the bottom draw and Tigers bear security blanket in the bottom right room.
A classy lady has to have places to hang her things. Enter the baseball hooks. You'll see she currently has her friend Muffin Moose and her owl hooded towel up there (just in case there was any doubt that this is a girl's room).
Currently, the small Tiger head below will function as a trash can until the amount of trash Baby Tigress produces exceeds the amount this container can hold. The Tiger bench was purchased in Shipshewana shortly after Baby Tigress's existence was discovered. The larger Tiger is a hamper, which is awesome except for one thing. The top flips down to close showing a Tiger's hat. Unfortunately, the olde English D is upside down! Who did the quality control at the factory? Write up a corrective action for this hot mess.
To keep warm in the winter, Baby will have a hooded Tiger's blanket to snuggle up with. The picture doesn't do it justice, but this blanket is worn with the Tiger head as a hood and there are spots to put your hands in the blanket to wrap it around you. We've already agreed that until Baby Tigress is big enough to fully appreciate the blanket's awesomeness, I've been granted full access while in the home. I've been blocked from bringing it to the stadium, but I get that. A baby's got to have regulations.
While Baby Tigress's room is a Tiger's fan sanctuary, this kid has to have something to wear while cheering the Tigers to victory. The clothes are thanks to Grandpa Tiger, Grandma Tigress, Uncle Tiger, and Aunt Tigress (they are digging their new titles BTW).
Lastly, a child needs toys to enrich the mind and keep her occupied long enough so the Tigress can do the dishes. These blocks are hand made by Aunt Tigress and Uncle Tiger. Not only do they have fun blue and orange patterns on them, but they also have letters and Tiger's logos. They teach, entertain, and let the creative juices flow. Where else would you keep Tiger's blocks but in a Tiger's tin?
Baby Tigress will be here by opening day to cheer on the Tigers to a championship season. That's right, Tigers. Pressure is on. This kid is expecting a lot from you. She can grow up telling the story about how the Tigers won the World Series the year she was born, forever cementing her love of the Tigers. In the meantime, her mom has some work to do. Both My Tiger and My Not Tiger have to be chosen and the Tiger's roster has to be analyzed as they progress through Spring Training. We call that "nesting."
Rest assured that the Tigress has not been researching a new team to devote herself to. No, I won't be transferring my fandom to the Nationals in order to keep my favorite player (Doug Fister, may he rest in Tiger peace). I've been prepping and preparing for the newest Tiger fan to make her entrance. Baby Tigress will be here in less than a month and the whole Tigress family has been working to ensure that she's the most fabulous Tiger fan to ever grace this Earth. So, how does the Tigress decorate a nursery to encourage optimal Detroit love? Why with Tigers swag of course.
First up, window treatments. Nothing quite blocks out the sun (and the Yankees' chances at a World Series) better than a Tigers valance. It sets the mood for the whole room (fun) and draws the eye to the most important letter in the alphabet.
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| Her favorites in the middle: Al, Gnomey the Homey, JV, Gnome fans, and Paws |
Currently, the small Tiger head below will function as a trash can until the amount of trash Baby Tigress produces exceeds the amount this container can hold. The Tiger bench was purchased in Shipshewana shortly after Baby Tigress's existence was discovered. The larger Tiger is a hamper, which is awesome except for one thing. The top flips down to close showing a Tiger's hat. Unfortunately, the olde English D is upside down! Who did the quality control at the factory? Write up a corrective action for this hot mess.
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| The pink says, I love the Tigers but I also look great in pastels |
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