Part time baseball

This winter I was a part time employee.  Not by choice, but due to the weather phenomena known as Polar Vortex and Artic Blast.  There were 12 days that work was cancelled.  While I'll have to make up some of these days, it makes for a leisurely work schedule.  The Tigers pitchers are in a similar situation with their third game postponed with only a month of the season done.  Some of these players have forgotten how to throw a curve, scuff up the ball, or hide their pine tar effectively.  April is also a traditionally lightly scheduled month for the Tigers given the unpredictable Michigan weather (see above).  The Tigers have had nine days off, six scheduled, in 32 days.

Like many other Americans, having one part time just just won't pay the bills.  More than one job is necessary.  Here are some suggestions for how the pitchers can make an extra buck.

SchEYEzer- Max is good with numbers and since April is a slow month for baseball, the most obvious choice is accounting.  April is their busy time and they could always use another head around the office to help crunch numbers and fill out tax forms.  Plus, Tax Man is a great nickname.

Ricky P- Not just another pretty face, Ricky can put his good looks to work.  He's the guy dressed in the Uncle Sam costume outside of Max's tax company twirling a sign.  His arm strength from years of pitching is sure to be an asset to sign twirling.

Verlander- JV's greatest asset is his personality and past achievements.  The way to make easy cheddar is to do public appearances to promote all his favorite merchandise and goods.  Taco Bell, video games, cereal, even various casinos and fast food establishments.  If he really wants to please the crowd, he'll bring his lady friend with him.

Sanchez- Since Sanchez has been good for about half of each game he's pitched, he needs a job where a partner is encouraged.  He'd make a really good half of a tag team wrestling team.  Call WWE and see if Shawn Michaels is still wrestling.  The Heartbreak Kid and the Fastball Kid would be an unstoppable duo.  He'd even settle for Billy Gunn to become the New, New Age Outlaws.

Smyly- Since Smyly has yet to really become a "starting pitcher" due to weather, injuries, and other catastrophes, he's best farming himself out as a reliever to another MLB team.  I know it's his dream to be a Major League starting pitcher, but the reality is that he's a very good and effective reliever.  Why mess with something that works?  There's an old phrase, "Do what makes you happy" but what's most important is "Do what makes you money."  Pitching against one or two guys and then taking a seat the rest of the game sounds sweet to me.

Hopefully April showers (and snow and wind) will bring May doubleheaders.  I have a feeling there's a reason these guys play baseball to earn their living.  They probably wouldn't be very good at their other part time jobs.