Merry Smokesmas

With Smokes in a semi-retirement stage, he's had a little more time this holiday season to buy all his favorite players and coaches the perfect Christmas presents.  He's made a list, checked it twice, and he's giving out presents to both the naughty and nice.

No resemblance what so ever

To Gene Lamont- For being a trusty assistant, friend, and person to deflect the blame to for 7 years, Smokes gifted Gene with his most prized possession.  His diamond encrusted cigarette case.  Only the best for those that age so quickly.  

To Brad Ausmus- As the new manager of Tigers, there's lots of advice that Smokes can pass on, but there's really only one gift worth giving.  It's Michael Jackson the Experience for his favorite video game system.  Rad Brad has two months to learn some sweet dance moves to carry on the GIF legacy of the funky Tiger manager.

To Miguel Cabrera- To the man who literally carries the team on his shoulders, a year supply of Icy Hot balm, approximately 162 gallons.  Although Miggy appreciates the gift, the switch back to first from Dave Dom is probably the greatest gift of all (just like Dolly and Kenny were singing about).

To Andy Dirks- A coupon from Super Cuts to keep things high and tight this year and a gift card to his favorite spa to rub all the kinks out of that enormous neck.  He also gifts him the possibility of a starting position in the lineup.  That's priceless, my friend.

To Torii Hunter- For the ultimate jokester, something to keep the fun coming this season.  With fresh meat in the Tiger dugout, Hunter is sure to pull out all the stops.

To Justin Verlander- Crest Whitestrips, because when your grill is like JV's, you have no choice but to keep those pearls sparkling.

To Max Scherzer- For the new king of the lineup, only one gift will do.  Maxxy gets his very own crown to strut around in his season.  Better keep it close though, or Smyly or Sanchez are likely to snatch it right off your head.  Why with this crown and that WWE belt, you'll look just like St. Nick (or a tool, it's hard to tell at this point).

To Prince, Doug, Omar, Joaquin, and all those we are losing this year- A little piece of Detroit to take with you to your new cities: a brand new Ford Mustang...steering wheel.  Obviously Smokes can't be expected to spring for a new car for all the departing Tigers.  And he did say a little piece of Detroit.  Might have to give the rear view mirror instead, a steering wheel might be too much.

To Alex Avila- MLB has already given Al the greatest gift of all, no more collisions at the plate.  As extra protection, Al can become the new bubble boy.  Just don't challenge Smokes to a game of Trivial Pursuit.  He's bound to know who the Moops are.

He sprang to his jalopy, to his team gave a ciggy,
And away they all flew like the ball from the bat of Miggy.
But I heard him exclaim 'ere he cracked a few beeries,
"Merry Christmas to all and let's win the World Series!" 

Santa came early

For years, life has been stiffing Alex Avila.  Sure he's a major league catcher who had an All Star season, but life has been a little rough for Big Al in the past few years.  He "met" Prince Fielder's elbow and got a concussion.  He gets drilled by more foul balls than is statistically possible.  His batting average got upstaged by the past two back up catchers.  His hair was replicated by JV when he dressed up as BoZo the clown for Halloween.  Let's not even talk about his beard that is like the proverbial cat who always seems to come back the very next day.

But, lo!  Behold, it's a Christmas miracle!  Major League Baseball is going to outlaw collisions at the plate!  One small step for Alex's knees, one giant leap for his brain.  Never say that Santa doesn't read letters from deserving little children.

Existent to Nationals

Wait, what?  The title above is the text I received for Sister Tigress after I spent a long day conferencing at work.  Either my eyes aren't work correctly, my brain isn't working correctly, or auto correct strikes again!  What could it mean though?  I tried to decipher the message pre-auto correct.  Here were my thoughts:

Yes, the Nationals do exist (just like Santa and the big, talking M&Ms from that Christmas commercial).  We can all thank the downfall of the Expos for this.

Iglesias?  They traded Iggy?  That can't be!  We only just acquired the second half to the most solid middle infield the Tigers have had since Lou and Alan back in the day.

That's it. I got nothing else

After a phone call (I know!  It's like the stone age), everything got cleared up.  Fister got traded to the Nationals.  Don't know how that got switched to Existent, but it happened people.  Once the truth set in, I was pretty crushed.  My Dougie Fresh, My Tiger, Mr. Speedy and Reliable.  Gone.  No more two hour games for the Tigers.  Unless Steve Sparks comes out of retirement.  I guess this leaves room for Smyly to be a starter (eh) and it better mean Scherzer is getting signed!

Somehow on the day that Fister gets traded, Donnie Kelly gets signed to a one year contract.  Just when I think you are an evil genius, Dom, you go and break my heart like this.

One thing is for sure, I've got a lot of thinking to do this off season.  I need a new Tiger and I never really filled the position of My Not Tiger.  Decisions, decisions.

The trade

When news reached me on Wednesday that the Tigers traded Prince Fielder for the Rangers' Ian Kinsler, I went through a progression of emotions.

9:00 PM- What?!  You gotta be kidding me.  Dom, you are the stupidest mind in all of baseball!  A first baseman for a second baseman?!  Getting rid of Prince, who we gave a huge contract and was the boy that came home to Detroit.  This is bananas.

9:05- Ian Kinsler is a baller.  I mean, just imagine the middle of the infield.  Iggy and Kinsler are two masters of fielding and are solid single-double hitters.  Kinsler isn't a power hitter, but it's a known fact that Comerica Park is NOT a home run park.  Omar's contract is up so this is a good transition.

9:10- Plus, Ian Kinsler is good looking.  In fact, he got second place in the Tigress's hottest men of the AL post for second basemen.

9:17- Miggy can move back to first base!  Not as much wear and tear on his body and give him a chance to do what he's really good at...hitting.

9:21- VMart can play first base when we play in a NL park while Miggy plays the occasional third.  That leaves his bat in the lineup.  In fact, he can move right behind Cabby and create a really effective one-two punch.

9:26- Prince was a disappointment during the playoffs.  It's probably best that he's leaving after his mediocre performance.  I'd hate for him to have been a stud and then got traded.  Oh man, my mind is on overload.  I need to go to bed.

7:16 AM Thursday- FOR SCHERZER!!!  The Tigers opened up some money to re-sign Scherzer!  That has to be part of Dom's master plan.  It HAS to be part of the master plan.

7:22- Holy cow, is Dom the smartest man in baseball?  It's entirely possible.  If Castellanos plays third (he'd have to earn it), then the only position that's unsure is left field.  That's pretty good!  Oh, and the bullpen of course, but Dom's got three full months to figure this out.

So, had I written a post right away, I probably would have pooh-poohed Dom's plan, but after careful reflection and talking to the most devoted fans at work, I've come around to Dom's madness.  There was only one person I talked to yesterday that was disappointed by the trade.  That means 9 out of 10 people in West Michigan approve.  That's almost as many dentists that suggest flossing.  It's just a good thing I got Baby Tigress a Verdiggity doll instead of the Princey Pie doll.  I'd hate for her to be out of vogue before she's out of the womb.

The big prize

Even though the elusive World Series ring escaped the boys from Detroit again, two Tiger players won some pretty prestigious awards all on their own.  First, Maxxy brought home the Cy Young for Detroit (again) even with his pit stains in full view.  Cabby also brought home his second MVP in a row.  As Sister Tigress noted, the other two guys, Davis and Trouty Mouth, were bridesmaids all along and were just happy to be there.

No need to sweat, Maxxy.  You had it in the bag.

While the individual awards are wonderful and well deserved, I can't help but feel a little empty inside this holiday season.  Tiger fans have waited a long twenty-nine years since their last World Series win.  2014 has to be the year the Series is dominated by Detroit once again.  Remember, Bring the Roar in 20-1-4 is already trending on Twitter and is being process for a registered trademark (every time someone says or tweets it, I'll receive a high five).  To secure another Word Series run, we need to bring in the big prize...a contract with Maximus Scherzer.

Take it to the Max has already declared from the top of the whale building that he wants to be a Tiger.  Who doesn't?  He doesn't want to pitch versus Sanchez or Verlander.  He doesn't want to face VMart and Cabby.  He wants to be on a proven playoff team with the key players returning.  To be real, Max was a big reason the Tigers had such success this year.  Without him, the road is more rocky.

Dig deep Mr. Illitch.  If this means I need to buy more Hot and Readys, I'm willing to make that sacrifice.  If that means the Red Wings never make the playoffs again, that's ok (hockey is for Canadians anyway).  Just sign For Scherzer and Bring the Roar in 20-1-4.

MANagers

Congratulations to Rad Brad Ausmus on securing the Tigers' manager position.  As I previous wrote, Dom took the risky option by selecting someone with little (like minuscule) managing experience.  Brad made a good point in his press conference on Sunday though.  It's not a rebuilding year for the Tigers.  By all accounts, the Tigers bring back most major players next year and are expected to make another payoff run.  Brad is inheriting an impressive team who has been coached by a veteran manager for the past seven years.  Only down side is that it seems old Geno is sticking around to "influence" the new manager.  Just keep him on the bench, Brad.  Don't let him go on the field again.

Don't stare in his eyes too long.  You might get lost.

Congratulations also go out to Lloyd McClendon for earning the managing job in Seattle.  He has definitely made a name for himself being the hitting coach for the power Tigers.  It will be interesting to see what fresh faces Brad brings in to help manage his first year.  Ideally, Jeff Jones would continue to be the pitching coach to the best starting rotation in the AL and would help to rebuild the bullpen.  We'll see if Dom and Brad secure him before someone else snatches him up.

Halloween Edition

Well, its 8:30 the day before Halloween and if you're like me you are thinking, just what am I going to be for Halloween?!  You could go "Good Will Hunting" which a coworker suggested (I think he meant digging through the racks at Good Will, not going as Matt Damon from the late nineties).  Well, here are some quick and easy suggestions that can be thrown together to make a great costume and make you seem like an All Star.

Man with a huge smile on his face holding a sign that says "Will play baseball for food."  You'd be going as Bryan Pena of course!

Wear glasses with a brown lens and a blue lens with a Mizzou Tiger shirt on.  You'd be For Scherzer.

Wear pants that are two sizes too small, carry a bag of Taco Bell, and have Chicklets in the front of your mouth (you know I kid about the teeth).  You'd be Verdiggity.

Carry a cigarette, wear a gray comb as a mustache, and do the moonwalk.  You'd be Jim Leyland.

Sit in the corner of the room with a pillow shoved under your shirt and wave your arms at inappropriate moments.  You'd be Gene Lamont.

Wear a mop on your head, wear your Zubaz pants, and carry around a golf club for the upswing.  You'd be Prince Fielder.

Wear full protective gear but pay your friend to continue to hit you in various body parts with debris.  You'd be Alex Avila.

Carry around a tennis ball, golf ball, wiffle ball, basketball, baseball, football, and soccer ball.  You'd be Miguel Cabrera (get it? because he's a baller).

Wear a bandaid on your face and yellow colored contacts.  You'd be Benoit.

The possibilities are endless!  You could just always go as the best back up costume ever.  Wear every article of Tiger gear you have and go as a Detroit super fan AKA the Tigress.  For me, it's a lifestyle choice, for others, it's a costume.

Filling the void

This weekend I read three books.  That's right, in two and a half days, I read three books.  I miss Tiger baseball.  It's tough to fill the void but here's some things that help:

Books- Increase your knowledge for schooling your friends in trivia and general culture references.

Movies- Really school your friends on the pop culture thing.  Also get ready for award show season coming up by watching all the best movies of the year.

Other sports- Football is in full swing and I've heard that hockey might be on (I don't watch Canadian sports, except for curling).  Get the knowledge you'll need to make your Super Bowl bets this year and make your March Madness picks.

Friends- You know those people you've only seen while watching Tiger games?  Maybe it's time you sat down and played a little Monopoly or discussed the politics in the Middle East.  I bet your friends are pretty interesting people and not as irritating as when they are yelling at the TV every two minutes because of the umpires.

Family- You have a kid!  Remember?  Language and developmental growth are happening all the time and the children are our future (or so Whitney has told me).

Hobbies- You've neglected your model train collection and I think your ant farm is down a few hundred members.

The Tiger fans aren't the only ones trying to fill the void, though.  Dave Dom is trying to fill the manager void for the Tigers and three candidates have been interviewed.

Lloyd McClendon- He's the hitting coach and already knows the team and the staff.  He'd be the safe bet and the easiest transition.  If Dom isn't feeling adventurous, then he's the obvious choice.

Tim Wallach- He's the Dodger's third base coach, so he has experience in the playoffs.  He's also been a hitting coach and a manager in Triple A (which is nothing to sneeze at).  Could he be the answer?  He's going to need a warmer wardrobe, that's for sure.

Brad Ausmus- The day Smokes made his announcement, Brad's name immediately came up and I thought, yes please!  If you recall, he was on the original "Hottest men in Baseball" list.  He was a professional catcher, the smartest position on the field and attended Dartmouth (Ivy League people).  Unfortunately, he has no managing experience (unless you count managing the Israel team in the World Baseball Classic...which I'm not sure anyone does...sorry Israel).  Going from Smokes who may be the MOST experienced manager in MLB to someone with no experience might be too big of a shift.  This is the riskiest choice and may require Dom to borrow a bigger pair of balls.

Rick Renteria- Current bench coach for the Padres (which is where Brad also works), he's rumored to be next in line to interview.  He has extensive experience in the minors and has been a coach in the majors for the past three years.  I feel like he'd connect with the Latino players and bring over fifteen years of experience as a manager and coach (even the minors counts) to the team.

We'll see who Dom chooses, with help from his "special assistants" I'm sure.  You choose wisely as well, Tigress faithful.  Our time is valuable and come April, you'll have to devote it to the Tigers again.

Quitting the Smokes

I heard at 11:50, a mere twenty minutes after Leyland made his announcement.  Somehow, three people at my work already knew.  News travels fast when it rocks a state.  If you are clueless as to what I'm talking about, then I really can't help you.  You have to help yourself.

There was a lot of talk on social media about Leyland stepping down.  People said, he turned around the organization.  Some said it was Ilitch spending money and Smokes just happen to be the man to manage the money.  People always complained about how Smokes managed the games, an American League manager who used a National League style.

Managers with Leyland's experience don't come around very often and Detroit was lucky to have him.  Period.  You can say what you want about his style but his players respected him and his coaching staff worked well with him.  That's half the battle right there.  Players didn't talk back to Smokes (no one ever said "you got to be kidding me" to Smokes...remember Lackey in Game 3?).

More than anything, Leyland was solid entertainment.  You couldn't understand him in most interviews and he didn't flinch at putting reporters in their place.  He was majestic when he argued with umpires, and I cheered for him to get the toss.  He cried at will, hugged every player after a big win, and did the moonwalk to celebrate.  He was likable, unlike Ozzie Guillen, but not dry as toast like Bob Melvin.  He managed the biggest players in the game.

Smokes apologized to the fans for not bringing home a World Series victory.  No need to apologize, Smokes.  You gave this city two World Series appearances and three consecutive division championships.  You took us back from 2003 when times were dismal to a time when it was cool to wear the old English D.  So thank you, Jim.  I'm pleased you are staying with the organization.  I hope you get to be "special assistant" like Kaline and just get to smoke and eat popcorn all day.  You deserve such a dream job after what you've given us.

The hangover

Waking up this morning, I was still feeling the hangover of the end of another Tiger season.  I kept dreaming about plays last night and thinking that the games would still keep coming.  No such luck, dreams.  Boston advances to the World Series after one of the best turn-arounds from a previous year in MLB history.  Meanwhile, Tiger fans are left to over-analyze every play and decision for the next 5 months.

Rather than sit here and re-hash every play, I'd like to just acknowledge all of the wonderful things that happened during the playoffs.  It's more productive and brings some positive endorphins, which just make me feel better.

The starting rotation for the Tigers is sick.  Scherzer was Mr. Consistency this year and deserves the Cy Young award.  Verlander proved that his "off year" is better than 95% of pitchers in MLB.  He also showed that he could be the new Mr. October with his clutch performances in the playoffs, particularly game 5 versus the A's.  Sanchez showed that even though he was the number 3 starter, he still has the ability to make major leaguers look like amateurs.   Even though no one talked about Dougie Fresh, he still got the job done, mostly thanks to something that was lacking this postseason...run support.

Austin Jackson's miraculous turn around after being moved in the rotation to a spot with seemingly less pressure.  His bat finally came alive and he played with more confidence.  If only we could have written "8" next to everyone's name in the lineup.

Jhonny Peralta's return to the game in the face of critics.  He was the fire the Tigers needed and brought life to the Tiger lineup.  He served his time, acknowledged his mistake, and then came back to do his job.  Good luck as a free agent.  There are many teams that would be lucky to have you.

Victor Martinez's comeback year after missing the postseason last year.  He started out slow, but there was no hotter hitter down the stretch.  He also provided the hits when they mattered and played with a desire to win that out shined everyone else in the dugout.

Jose Iglesias for getting recognized for his defense, but also for not just being an easy out (see Drew on Boston).  He's a guy that I hope will grow with the Tigers and win many gold gloves in his tenure with the Tigers.  I hope he sticks to his craft and hones his ability to hit singles and bunts.  The home run isn't for everyone and knowing your strengths is half the battle in the majors.

Good season Tigers.  I would have loved to purchase snow pants and cheer my brains out on Thursday, but it just wasn't meant to be.  Time for a little R&R, then back to the gym to be in better condition for next year.  Bring the Roar in 20-1-4 (it's already trending on Twitter).

Setting the stage

Here's a text conversation I had with Sister Tigress on Monday:

Detroit Tigress- World series tickets go on sale tomorrow

Sister Tigress- I saw Wednesday

DT- At noon.

ST- Yes.  Not tomorrow Wednesday.

DT- (Looks carefully at subject line of her email) *Thinks to self* Hmmm I better open this email.

2013 WS TICKET PURCHASE OPPORTUNITY
FIRST-COME, FIRST-SERVED -- WHILE AVAILABILITY LASTS!

CONGRATULATIONS! You have been selected for the opportunity to purchase tickets to a potential 2013 World Series ("WS") game scheduled to be played at Comerica Park. We are pleased to offer you an opportunity to purchase up to four (4) tickets to one WS game on a first-come, first-served basis (subject to availability).

Holy Leyland!  It finally happened!  I put my email address in for the chance to get to buy tickets early for years and the fruits of my labor are finally showing!  I was able to buy four tickets for Game 2 in section 144.  Word is that the foul pole is creating a slight obstruction, but I'll take it!  With tickets to game 2 already purchased, Sister Tigress was able to focus her efforts on game 7 tickets (which is on Halloween!).

Now that I've secured tickets, the Tigers just need to get a few hits and runs.  The shake up in the lineup should help, but I got to be honest, Cabby and Princey really disappointed me yesterday.  VMart is so money that his picture showed up on my 5 dollar bill today and JV was named Manual Transmission Cars' Clutch player of the year.  With two more games at home, it's time to capitalize and get some wins!  Do it for the Tigress, boys.

A homily from the father

I am Father Tiger (soon to be Grandpa Tiger).  I would first like to say that I am honored to be able share my thoughts with you. 

I have been a long time Tiger fan.  I have fond memories from 1968 and the many great players from that team Al Kaline (my favorite player), Norm Cash (cousin Dale's favorite player), Willie Horton, Mickey Lolich, Denny McClain, Don Wert, Bill Freehan, Gates Brown, Dick McAuliffe, Earl Wilson, Mickey Stanley, Jim Northrup, etc.  1984 was another magical season and they had a great team (Kirk Gibson, Lance Parish, Jack Morris, Dan Petry, Alan Trammel, Lou Whitaker, etc.).  I enjoyed listening to Ernie Harwell on the radio although I didn't appreciate him as much as I should have until he retired. 

There have been some tough stretches (they had losing records for 12 straight years from 1994 through 2005), including the 2003 season with 119 losses.  I remained a Tiger fan during that time, hoping that this was the year that they would turn it around.  To all of you Tiger fans, I say enjoy the success they are having and let's hope that they win it all this year.

I am not sure what I have done to have 3 kids that are die-hard Tiger fans: the Tigress  (she announced her "bun in the oven" by giving us Grandpa Tiger and Grandma Tigress shirts), Sister Tigress (she will be going to her 14th game this season tomorrow), Brother Tiger (he has been interviewed by local TV stations twice this year, at opening day and game 4 of ALDS) but I'll take a little credit (Aunt Tigress gets most of it). 

So, sit back and enjoy the ride.  Go Tigers!

He makes a good point, people.  This doesn't happen every year so enjoy!

Over managed

I may be Smokes's number one fan.  I jokingly told someone last week that I was considering naming my first born "Jim Leyland" whether it was a boy or a girl.  That's right, first name Jim, middle name Leyland.  When everyone else jumps up to question everything Smokes does (even what he eats for breakfast...Raisin Bran), I always say, "He knows what he's doing."

For once, I'm going to criticize Smokes.  There is such a thing as over managing.  In fact, if you look up "over manage" on Urban Dictionary, a video of the 8th inning of game 2 of the 2013 ALCS pops up.  When starting pitching is lighting it up, it's pretty hard to give up a four run lead.  In fact, the Tigers' bullpen was lights out on Saturday, contributing to the stellar performance from Sanchez.  They haven't been THAT bad this postseason.  However, there's no one in the pen who I would consider a "specialist" who excels at pitching to just one batter and then leaving the game.  When Veras got an out and then let someone on, there was no reason to take him out.  The "don't take me out" look was all over Smyly's face.  Benoit should NEVER come in during the 8th inning with men on base.  That's not where he excels.  He needs to have the bases free so when he inevitably makes a mistake, it's not as big of a deal.

When AA is ringing up all the RBIs, the pitchers need to pick him up

Here's a plan for the rest of the ALCS: (Smokes, I'm talking to you)  Take your starting pitchers as long as they will go.  Pitch count is a little irrelevant at this point.  They have five months to rest their arms.  From there, relief pitchers stay in for one inning EXCEPT if they give up 2 runs.  That's the rule.  Don't let old Geno talk you into switching anything up.

Good news, JV is on the mound tomorrow so he should be good through 7.  From there, you should only need one reliever (Smyly or Veras) and then bring in Benoit to start the 9th.  If you need a long reliever, there's a baller named Porcello who can take you through.  I currently enjoy my job, but I'll gladly resign to take over managing next year if need be.  I'm sure I'm qualified.

I plan on watching the NLCS tonight to get a feel for the National League competition.  With the Tigers' starting pitching and the bats finally coming alive, the World Series is seeming very close.  I also hope you are following me on Twitter (DetroitTigress1).  I usually have at least one zinger during the game.

The big event

You might watch this commercial and think, "This is why I avoid all of life's big events.  So that I don't miss all the sporting events that are out there."  That's no way to live, people.  You need those friends who throw those big events.  They are the ones that go out with you on a Thursday night to watch the Tigers clinch the ALDS and upset the perpetual bridesmaid, the Oakland A's.  They are the people who don't judge you when you put a rally towel on your head and insist that it's the reason Miggy hit that home run.

Credit the babushka

So, when those same friends throw a baby shower or get married, it's your job to attend and celebrate with a full heart...no matter the sporting schedule.  Don't worry, friends.  There are ways to still get your sports fill while ENJOYING those big events (that's right, don't just pout in the corner while your girlfriend gets down).

Sources of information:
Smart phones- So many apps, so little time.  Twitter, SportsCenter feed, Facebook...the world wide web is looking out for you and giving you up to date information even when you don't ask for it.

Televisions- Sometimes the bride, groom, mom, birthday girl (whoever) allows that 13 inch tube TV to be turned on in the corner of the lobby.  Utilize it people.  I don't suggest staying huddled there for four hours, but a quick check in doesn't hurt.  You can also catch up with Uncle Ralph, who has his butt glued to a chair and a beer in his hand.  He's watched the entire game and can give you pitch-by-pitch analysis in a tenth of the time it actually takes.  Sometimes, you have family that completely understands your sports obsession.  Last year, Cousin Tiger projected Game 3 of the World Series on the wall next to the dance floor at his wedding.  I was shaking my groove thing AND watching the Tigers struggle against the Giants.  It was bliss.  Except for the whole Tiger loss thing.

DVR- This is not my favorite method, but it is possible to shut out the world and just wait until the event is over.  Beware of the spoilers out there.  They always come from unexpected people too.  Run in the opposite direction if Aunt Edie approaches and starts telling you about the Michigan Cats who just scored a run.

SportsCenter- That's right.  It is possible to just enjoy everything going on and forget about the game for the evening.  SportsCenter will give you the highlights in the morning.  It's a seven game series and sometimes we need to take one for the team.

I had a fabulous time last night at the wedding of two very good friends.  I ate good food, devoured a donut, busted a move, and caught up with all my friends.  I also checked in on the Michigan and Tigers scores on my phone and popped in to the bar area where the TV was on.  I caught the Michigan score and various updates from the Tigers (the Tigers' one run on my phone and Sanchez's bottom of the sixth, bases loaded strike out on TV).

Tonight, I've got another big event.  The attendees are me, Husband Tiger, the cat, the Tiger game, and the couch.  It promises to be another big event in the life of the Tigress.  SchEYEzer watched Sanchez last night and started to get jealous of all those strikeouts.  He's ready to prove his Cy Young candidacy and silence the Fenway fans.

Deja Vu

Game 5 of ALDS versus the A's in Oakland and JV is pitching...Part 2!  If this seems very familiar there is a reason.  It's because it happened last year.  Remember what happened last year?  I do.  JV dominated.  Here's the picture I posted last year that circulated around Facebook:

Normally, I would be a little worried about JV pitching but he lit up the A's on Saturday.  If he brings his same mo-jo then we got this.  Let's keep Peralta, Omar, and VMart in the lineup because they have the hot bats.

Here are some tips for watching the game on Thursday:

Use your rally towel as a babushka

Swearing during a Tiger game doesn't count because it's all for the greater good

Watch the game with friends for maximum high five action

Make sure your pets have their babushkas as well

Have fun!  This is the playoffs and it's a good day to be a Tiger fan!

Two in a row

Well, the Tigers have to win the next two against the A's.  Not unheard of and not impossible.  This Tigress journeyed across the state for the game in hopes of a win.  Here's something important to know though, even if the Tigers don't win, I'll still be a Tiger fan.  What irks me (yes, irks) is when people say the Tigers are terrible.  There are thirty teams in all of Major League Baseball and only five from each league make it to the playoffs.  It is a luxury and an honor to even make the playoffs.  Just because your team doesn't win, doesn't give you the right to talk smack about your team.  Through the good and bad, people!  Or you are just fair weather fans, and I don't associate with fair weather fans.

Notes from the game:

• This Tigress had one of the best photo bombs in the history of selfies.  I had on my rally babushka and the babushka smile that goes with it.  Watch Facebook in case it surfaces.
• I love quoting baseball or sports movies at games and having other people respond.  The lady in front of us (who I photo bombed) made the comment, "Too high."  Immediately, I responded, "What does that even mean, too high?"  She turned back and laughed.  Brother Tiger also pulled out the L 7 wienie joke about Eric Sogard (get it?  He's a square!)
• There was a kid behind us who did not take a breath between utterances for the first six innings.  There was 3 minutes where he seemed to stop communicating, but I think it was because his mouth was full of Dip N Dots.  Our favorite comment from the child went a little something like this: Kid: Think I can take this to school tomorrow and say I got it from the dentist? (Holds up rally towel)  "Uncle" (or just some dude who pulled him from school for the game):  No, you can't tell people you got that from the dentist because no one will believe you.  Then you'll be a liar and someone who skips school for baseball.
• Said "Uncle" was wearing black sweatpants to the game.  There are very few instances when wearing sweatpants out in public is appropriate.  A baseball game is not one of them.  Especially when you comment that you have to stop by your office afterwards.  I know sweatpants are a no-no at work, even on a day off.  I was wearing playoff Zubaz pants, which are acceptable in all playoff instances.
• Welcome back Jhonny.  You aren't super steady in left field, but neither was Delmon and we dealt with him all last year in the playoffs to take advantage of his bat.
• There's a baby Tiger or Tigress growing in my belly (it's natural, not like an alien setting up house). This isn't Radish Tiger's (that's the code name) first game, but it is her first playoff game.  As a celebration, I bought her a JV doll.  Now Barbie or GI Joe will have someone to take home to mom and dad.

Pant tightness is equivalent to real life although teeth are much smaller

I'm sure there's more, but I can't remember at this moment.  Dougie Fresh will get us a W tomorrow and things will be all tied up again (which is like kissing your brother, in case you didn't get the reference yesterday).

Like kissing your brother

The ALDS is tied between the A's and Tigers.  First, the shout outs.

Huge shout outs to the Tiger pitchers, especially Scherzer and Verlander who each had 11 strikeouts.  These two are professional, playoff pitchers.  That's ridiculous.  Verlander got robbed of a guaranteed win last night.  Maybe with that performance will get the TBS announcers off his back for his less than stellar season where he still recorded the fourth most strikeouts in the league.  Lay off of him (and if you tell me one more time that Cabby has reduced mobility than I'm going to mute you.  Just watch me!)  When the starting pitcher goes seven scoreless innings and the bullpen is actually stepping it up, there's only one reason the Tigers lost.  We'll get to that later.

Another nod to Sonny Gray.  Here are two tips kid: 1. Never lose that cocky confidence.  It's working for you even if it makes me want to punch you in the face.  2. Get a haircut.  Your current look is popular with the forty year old set that is trying to puff up the last strands of hair to cover up the bald patches.  In a couple days, you'll have plenty of time to browse the pages of GQ looking for a hot new look.

Now on to the real problem...the Tiger bats.  Someone told them it was November and they've started their winter hibernation.  When most of your hits come from Donnie Kelly, there is a problem.  Good job, Donnie.  I hate to insult you but you should not be carrying the Tiger offense.  It's not your job.  Your job is to buy Smokes his weekly supply of ciggies at the Costco and mix up Brookens's protein shake every morning.

When the A's bats are strangely quiet, the Tigers need to capitalize.  Someone, anyone, step up.  Would the real Torii Hunter please stand up?  AJax is looking very 2011-esk, in a terrible way.  Fielder and VMart might as well just come to the plate, give a wave, and then sit down.  Props to the bottom of the lineup for trying to get SOMETHING going, but it was all for naught.

This Tigress is going to the Monday afternoon game.  Here's the deal, if I show up, then the bats need to show up too.  I get lonely at the games without them.  Since I can't bring my broom to the game, let's stick to the original plan and win the next two at home to close out the series.  You know Boston will have it closed out before the end of Tuesday.

Extra special guest

Well, Tigress faithful.  You must have been good boys and girls this year because the playoff fairy has brought you an extra special surprise.  Contain your excitement, but we have a guest blog from Aunt Tigress herself.  That's right, the woman who taught the master has graced us with her thoughts about everything playoffs, especially how TBS and FOX can improve their broadcasting programs.  Strap in, ladies and gentlemen.  You are in for a treat!

Well, it's our favorite time of year again.  To avoid raising my blood pressure I offer the following guidelines to the networks broadcasting games:

1.  We've watched these teams all year.  We don't need an hour (or more) of pre-game programs.  We know the players; their strengths and weaknesses.  This isn't the Super Bowl, where people who haven't seen a down of the NFL all season will turn on the TV, fill their faces with nachos, brats, pizza and beer and wait for the commercials and half-time show.  Show what is happening in the stadium - what the home team is actually doing for their pre-game (probably honoring former players and fans).  I'd rather watch someone from the 1979 World Series throw out the first pitch then listen to your "keys to the game".

2.   Don't show actors in good seats with a Pittsburgh, Oakland, Detroit, etc. cap on.  Followed by your announcing " there's (fill in the actor's name) who is starring in (fill in the name of the TV show) on (fill in the network) which can be seen on (fill in the day of the week and time).  These people aren't fans. They probably don't even know the name of the stadium they are in and wouldn't know how to get there if the town car didn't deliver them. Again it raises blood pressure of fans who see it as a waste of good seats (which we would gladly fill).

3.   Don't say (player's name) just passed Willie, Yogi, Mickey or the Babe in post season category (ex: doubles).  The ONLY POSTSEASON the greats played in was the WORLD SERIES.  Not the endless rounds they keep adding.

4.   Finally, for the "baby",  pronounce it off-en.....not off-ten.  I know someone says both are acceptable but back when grammar mattered the correct way is off-en.....LOL

5.   Hope you enjoy your retirement Tim McCarver --- I know I will.

Sounds like Aunt Tigress and I can be ready to suit up for a broadcast at any minute.  We'll just wait by the phone for the call.

I'm worried

Hi, my name is the Tigress and I'm a worried Tiger fan.  The Tigers got swept...yes swept, by the last place in the NL East and overall disappointment this year Miami Marlins.  The pitchers had decent outings, but there was no run support.  You can't win playoff games without run support.  You just can't.  While starting pitching has been on, relief pitching has been...not.

The Tigers start the ALDS against the A's on Friday.  There's two things that are certain about the A's this year.  1.  They can hit the ball with authority.  Not just the 3 and 4 hitters either, but just about everyone.  2. The Oakland fans are some of the loudest and most supportive fans in baseball.

Don't fret, Tiger faithful.  I have a foolproof plan.  Smokes just needs to stop moon walking long enough to read, learn, and love the plan.  Here it is broken down into steps:

But do you own the rest of MLB?

Step 1: Start SchEYEzer and Sanchez on the road in Oakland.  These two don't count on the crowd support like JV and Fister.  The S&S boys are basically lights out no matter what.  With a win from one of these guys, we'd come back to Comerica at 1-1 and hope to take both at home and end the series before it has to go back to Oakland.  I remember the ALDS last year versus Oakland and it was no slice of cake.  Let's take our wins when we can get them.

Step 2: Start who is hitting.  Don't play the odds, play who is hot.  I know Dom has said that Iggy is the shortstop but if he's not hitting, he should be sitting (Dr. Seuss would be proud).  Peralta may be a screw up, but his bat is getting hits.  Same goes for anyone playing the outfield or catching.  Forget loyalty, this is the playoffs.  Everyone gets a ring, whether they pick up a bat or chew Double Bubble next to Lamont.

Step 3: This is where the fans come in.  Be louder and rowdier than the Oakland fans.  Not bad rowdy, just effective rowdy.  It frazzles people, and we need to be the tenth man that Detroit deserves.  I'll be there Monday for game three.  If someone could take the initiative on Tuesday for game 4, then we should be covered.  Smokes is always crying and thanking the fans.  Let's give him something to really cry about.  Thanks in advance for your support.

Step 4: Bullpen needs to step it up.  Good news is that Porcello will be joining the bullpen and Alvarez should be too.  Let's just "rest" the guys that have been a little shaky (you know who you are.  You don't need me to fake cough and say your names).  New rule: You walk somebody, you come out.  Don't give away free lunch or free base runners.

Step 5: This is the most important thing so come close.  Closer.  Are you ready?  Relax!  Stop pinning all your hopes to one at bat or one play in the field.  Games are sometimes lost on one play, but a series is not.  It's the first to 3.  Have some fun and enjoy this.  Even though it's your third straight year in the playoffs, it's still something to be savored and enjoyed.  Like tiramisu.  No one inhales tiramisu.

Championship Hunter

I wasn't going to post anything until later, but after seeing some video this morning, I had to post.

Sister Tigress has been saying for months that Torii Hunter is not only her Tiger, but the leader of the clubhouse (who is made for you and me).  Last night it was apparent on and off the field that Hunter was the leader and is LOVING this postseason action.  He didn't get to go last year and he is living it up.

The moment I loved was typical Smokes, crying during an interview.  Normally, the team lets him cry and keeps on celebrating.  Oh no, not with Torii.  He picked Smokes up in a bear hug and brought him into the celebrating fray where he got a champagne shower and did the moonwalk.  That's the stuff dreams are made of.  Hunter also started a New Zealand-like yell and stomp that seems to get everyone revved up and crazy.

I'm wearing my Tiger scarf today in honor of all that is Detroit baseball.  Bring on the postseason!

Guest blog: Your annual fill

Sister Tigress and Brother-in-Law Tiger went to the last two home games of the season.  The following is their adventure and your yearly dosage of the sister of the biggest Tiger fan in Michigan.

The Tigers are 2 games away from clinching the division.  Last week I thought it would happen while I was at the ballpark for the last home games of the season, but it just didn't work out.  Here is a look through my annual contribution to the Tigress's blog…

I feel I have the ability to be named #1 fan this year, or has my husband would say “hash tag 1 fan.”  I went to 12 regular season games…twelve.  I don’t have kids, I don’t remodel my house, and I don’t own a boat.  I go to Tiger games.

Brother-in-law Tiger and I went to both the first two weekend games of the season verses the Yankees (which they split) as well as the last two weekend games of the season verses the White Sox (which they split).  It was a great way to sandwich the season and we already have our ALDS tickets…just waiting for that clinch!

Over the weekend we decided we would select the 25-man playoff roster – Smokes has had another trying year so we’d like to take some of the pressure off.  Fortunately the Tigers provided us with a full team photo as we entered Saturday’s game.

Catcher – Avila and Pena, hopefully they won’t have to pinch hit Avila for Pena and then pinch run for Avila like they did in Saturday’s CRAZY win against the Sox.  If Smokes feels that is necessary we’ll have a few utility players he can select from to finish out the game, but it won’t be pretty.

1^st Base – Fielder…despite what others think, he’s been clutch this year both on the field, on the base paths and at the plate.  500 games in a row?  Tip your cap, my friends.

2^nd Base – Infante.  What a season he’s had to date!  Yes, he had the injury from the wicked opponent slide, but he’s come back strong especially at the plate.  How many times this year have the Tigers had bases loaded with less than two outs and not scored?  Too many to count, you’re right.  But Saturday night Infante came to the play in the 12^th inning with bases loaded, one out, I didn't close my eyes in fear and he delivered.  Clutch.

3^rd Base – Cabrera.  He’s hurt and he still plays better than two-thirds of the league.  Clinch so Miggy can have a few days for Smokes to give him a blow…hehehe.

SS – Iglesias.  What an amazing acquisition for the Tigers.  Over dinner Brother-in-law Tiger and I argued about his availability.  He hasn’t played since last Thursday and I was listening on the radio when he went down – it didn’t sound good.  Smokes is resting him and hopefully he plays a game before the playoffs start to show us he’s good to go.

Left Field – Dirks and Tuiasosopo.  Dirty Dirks clinched his playoff spot on Saturday evening with a pinch-hit three-run shot on one pitch in the bottom of the ninth.  If you haven’t guessed by now, I was there and it was magical.  Gotta take who’s hot and Dirty is smokin’.  Tuey?  Tell me you saw his catch on Saturday?!  They’ll split time as a lefty/righty combo.

Center Field – Jackson.  He had some time off at the beginning of the year and came back stronger than ever.  I miss Granderson, but of all the centerfielders we could have, the Tigers are lucky to have Jackson around.

Right Field – Hunter.  There are so many things I like about Hunter…his offense, his defense, his good looks…In addition to the fun he has in right field, his energy and excitement in the dugout is addicting.  He is having fun playing the game every day.

Pitchers –

Verlander – and not in the bull pen!  The boy just needs some run support – help him out!

Scherzer – if he isn’t the Cy Young, I’m surprised.

Fister – still solid and we’ll need that bat against the National League

Sanchez – I was at the one-hitter earlier in the season, he gets the final starting spot

Porcello – amazing season and solid finish.  Sorry, Ricky, going to the bullpen for middle-inning relief

Benoit – one blown save and I almost never sweat when he enters the game?

Veras – good addition

Smyly – done some good things out of the bullpen the entire season.  On other teams he’s a starter…

Rondon – need that late inning support

Albuquerque – shaky throughout the season, but again, as we enter the stretch, clutch – gotta take who’s hot

Alverez – earned it…if he can handle making a random start against the Indians, go six innings and get a win, he can handle the playoffs

DH – Martinez.  Good call having him catch a few games down the stretch so he’s ready for the interleague games

Extras –

Kelly – let’s be honest, the love affair between him and Smokes lands him a spot on the playoff team

Santiago – again, Smokes won’t leave him behind

Peralta – yup, he makes it.  He was HOT before leaving on suspension and there must be a spot for him somewhere

Perez got the scratch.  If for some reason Iglesias doesn’t recover, he’s in.

Other random items from our weekend doubleheader for the next time you head to Comerica:

            1)  Best view – Rooftop at Cheli’s Chili.  Brother-in-law Tiger did not want to venture to the roof because of how many stairs were present.  We worked off the beers we drank and had an amazing view

      2)      Elwood’s Bar has the best chicken fingers you’ll find in a five-mile radius of the stadium (note, they are NOT open at 2:45 pm when game day starts at 7:08 pm)

      3)      If you tip at least 15%, the bartenders will make you feel really good about yourself

      4)      There is Octoberfest at the Brushfire Grill.  However, I recommend walking to a Leinenkugal instead of Sam Adam’s stand to obtain the Octoberfest (on a side note, I do prefer it spelled “Oktoberfest” with a “k”)

      5)      If you pay money to go to the game, get there before it starts and stay until it’s over

Looking forward to playoff baseball – GO TIGERS!

A day in the life

Even though you don't say it, I know what you are thinking.  "I wish I could be the Tigress."  It's good to have dreams, even if I'm living it and my life is your dream.  Saturdays in the fall are the best times to be the Tigress.  To give you something to put on your vision board, I'll give you a glimpse into the life of the Tigress on a mild fall Saturday.

8 AM-I sleep in slightly as the cool breeze blows in from the open window.  Can you smell the apple cider?  Me neither.  I think it's the trash the neighbors left out last night.  Put on work out clothes and do a barre workout from the DVD.  The idea is to use small movements to isolate muscles and sculpt like a dancer's body.  Mainly it's a chance to prove to your living room television how much more fit the person inside the television is compared to you.

9 AM- Done with the shower and making coffee.  Go a little crazy and grind up those pumpkin spice coffee beans.  I know there's been a big debate lately (even Mike and Mike were in on the action), but I think pumpkin anything is delicious.  It tastes like fall.  Have a bowl of Lucky Charms and catch up on a TV show you DVRed this week.

10 AM- Time to turn on the Super Nintendo and beat a few levels on Super Mario Brothers.  Today I finished all the star worlds and got all the way to castle 7.  I have confidence I can beat it and then head to Bowser's Castle.  It's amazing what muscle memory can do when associated with video games.

11 AM- Time for second breakfast of everything bagel and to watch College GameDay to decide my viewing schedule for the afternoon and evening.  Props to downtown Fargo today.  GameDay looked way more impressive today than any day they travel to Tuscaloosa.

12 PM- The games that are selected for the first match up are Western Michigan University at Iowa and Marshall at Virginia Tech.  WMU looks like a high school football team run by the principal's son.  How are we supposed to row the boat if there's a huge hole in it?

1 PM- Lunch time.  Penn Station subs and a bag full of french fries.  Is it just me, or does malt vinegar smell like foot fungus?  Or the bottom of a sewer?  Either way, Husband Tiger is not allowed to sit next to me when he eats it.

2 PM- Nap time my friends.  It's been a rough day already and there's so much more to do!  Better take a mental and physical break.  Saturdays are marathons, not sprints.

3 PM- I cracked my eyes slightly but I wasn't coherent until a half hour later.  Surprise!  Husband Tiger has brought home ice cream.  Maybe to make up for the malt vinegar earlier?  Probably.

4 PM- The Marshall/VA Tech game is finally over with Va Tech winning after some shady ref calls on pass interference.  I don't know what kind of weather they were playing in, but at one point the video feed went out.  That's pretty intense for a week four match up.  For the next match up, we've selected Michigan State at Notre Dame and Purdue at Wisconsin.  I challenge MSU and ND to shock their critics and score some points this game.

5 PM- MSU's colors are listed as green and white, but they've always used a hunter green.  This color that is on their jerseys today looks like the color of goose poop or that really gross dark gray mud that pulls you in like quick sand.  It's a strange color choice.

6 PM- These pass interference calls against MSU are banana sandwich.  I'm not even rooting for a certain team in this game and I'm a little appalled.  Let the kids play!  MSU's passing game is the only way they will win this game.  Do you think Notre Dame fixed their cups at the stadium?  The first game of the season they said "Figthing Irish."  I would hate to be a figthing.  Call me a fig leaf or a fig tree, but never call me a thing!

7 PM- Notre Dame pulls out the win in the most underwhelming game of the day.  Here's a little math theorem for you.  Michigan beat Notre Dame (A>B).  Notre Dame beat MSU (B>C).  Therefore, Michigan will beat MSU (A>C).  Let that sink in and then we'll test the theory on November 2nd (after the Tigers have won the World Series of course).  Games currently on are Tigers (yes, we waited all day for this game!) and Arizona State at Stanford.  Let's see if Ricky P lights it up again in his bid to start during the playoffs.

8 PM- Stanford has no official mascot.  They are called the Stanford Cardinal referring to the color of their jerseys.  However, there is always this crazy tree hanging around who resembles Miley Cyrus.  So their mascot is a tree...a crazy looking tree.  That takes balls.  That TV has switched to Michigan at Connecticut.  Michigan has some work to do after the embarrassment they showed last week versus Akron.
Here's a tip for the 8:00 hour: stop letting Miggy try to stretch his hits into doubles.  Mini Miggy got to throw out Miggy and I bet he was pumped about that.

9 PM- Michigan is barely on the scoreboard at 7-0 and the Tigers have given up two runs to the Sox.  Props to Ricky P.  9 strikeouts and only a few hits is impressive.  It all fell apart when Avi was able to steal 2nd.  Princey Pie tried to make it rough on him by tagging him slightly harder than normal when checking him back to first.  When does Iggy get to play again?  Santiago and Prince are just not making the connection.  Hopefully there's better news in the next hour.

10 PM- It's 10 PM on the dot and the Tigers are mounting an incredible ninth inning comeback.  What pitcher would want to face Torii, Cabby, Princey, and VMart in the ninth inning, no matter what the lead.  Dirty Dirks lives up to his nickname and Omar, Avila, and Hunter are the iron men for standing in there and getting walks.  Michigan might be putting on a dismal show on the east coast, but the Tigers are trying to thank their 3 million fans with a late game surge.
10:08 PM- Tie game!  Sister Tigress and Brother-in-law Tiger are at the game and I know they are going nuts.  The Tigers have been known for their late inning comebacks this year (Avila, Hunter, Cabby, and Peralta have all chipped in on the craziness), but today it seems that everyone wants a little action.

11 PM- The Wolverines have finally tied it up and the Tigers continue to play.  Who knew it'd be such an action packed day of sports?  The Tigers bullpen has done surprisingly well including performances from Benoit and Alburquerque.  I know!  I never thought Al's name would appear in the same sentence as the phrase "surprisingly well."
11:10 PM- A trickler to win the game?  Sure!!!  Why not?!  Leave it to Omar.  Magic number down to two for the Tigers!  Good thing I took a nap today because this is September baseball and it's just too good to go to bed early.  I do have to say that after a four hour game, I'm way done with the Bernstein commercials.

11:30 PM- Michigan squeaks out a win 24-21 over the 0-3 team from Connecticut.  This can't happen in Big Ten games.  Those teams will take advantage of the weakness and capitalize.
It's off to bed now.  It's been a long day and lots of sports action.  On tap for tomorrow?  Rinse and repeat, but with professional athletes instead.  Life is good.

Hello

Hello.  Is it me you are looking for?  It's been a while.  The playoff race is heating up with the Tigers ahead by six and a half games.  The magic number to clinch the playoff position is quickly dropping.  There's only three home games left this weekend.  Lots of things are going in the Tigers' favor.  The Tigress already has tickets for the ALDS as well.

Work got in the way today of watching the Tigers, but word on the street is that Prince got a mid-game snack from a friendly fan in the stands.  I'd happily sit in the front row down first base line and have snacks ready the whole game for Princey Pie.  I'd even save some for Omar and Torii if they made it my way as well.

This weekend brings the White Sox.  This time I only smell domination against the White Sox this time around.  No doubt.

Entrance music

There should be some sort of database on the Tiger website that lists all the entrance music for the Tiger players.  There are many times at games when a player's music comes on and you get a little dance moving through your body.  Omar Infante knows how to pick some swagger music, that's for sure.

Since there's no database to see the actual entrance songs, here are some suggestions for the Tigers as we approach the end of the season and playoff time.

Miguel Cabrera- Number One by Nelly, it's the truth

Prince Fielder- Little Red Corvette by Prince, Prince should have a Prince song

Andy Dirks- She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy by Kenny Chesney, every country boy loves his tractor

Jhonny Peralta- OPP by Naughty by Nature, he is naughty

Victor Martinez- Swing Swing by the All American Rejects, he's not paid for his fielding skills

Alex Avila- Hit Me Baby One More Time by Britney Spears, the man is known for getting pummeled behind the plate

Donnie Kelly- Buddy Holly by Weezer, a song about the ultimate nerd

Jose Iglesias- Lovin, Touchin, Squeezin by Journey, get it...because he's the only one that can execute the squeeze

Torii Hunter- Old Man River by Frank Sinata, just kidding!  Torii's not that old and his age only brings experience to the team.  It's still fun to mention age to people older than you.  Admit it.

Any other suggestions out there?

Work hard for the money

Labor Day is all about the people.  Hard working people like you and me.  Even you over there in the corner.  Ya you, I bet you've had a job one time.  This is your day to shine.  Unbeknownst to me, the Tiger players have been honoring the hard working people of Michigan this season.  When they hit a double, they mock putting on a suit jacket.  See, they are just like us.  Getting ready for the work day and putting in a hard day's work.  Torii even tightened up his tie today after his double.

Not a picture of the suit jacket, but maybe this is them putting mustard on their bologna sandwiches.

Princey Pie wasn't as serious today with the popups to the right side of the infield.  Twice, yes twice, he pretended to call for the ball and catch it when clearly Infante was all over it.  The thing is, Fielder had the iconic jump call off to Infante to win the ALCS against the Yankees last year.  Remember?  I do because I was there.

I got it...really, if you come over here I'm going to give you a concussion like I did to Avila

You know who else was working today?  Dougie Fresh.  He put himself in some tight situations (the number of walks these starters are giving out are ridiculous...banana sandwich even), and every time he managed to get himself out of it.  OK, he had a little help from his friends.  Mainly his new bestie Iggy, who I heard Rod has a man crush on.  Don't be a cougar, Rod (actually, the male version of a cougar is a panda.  You can look it up).

It's back to school tomorrow for all the kiddie Tiger and Tigresses out there.  Hopefully you went to Sunday's game and got your very own Tigers binder.  If you did happen to get one and think, "I'll never use this", please send it immediately to the Detroit Tigress.  You'll have my undying love and affection.  They never have good giveaways like this for the grownups.

Have a safe day back at work, Laborers of Michigan, and have a great first day of school kiddies.  Don't annoy your teachers on the first day back.  Teachers, lay down the hammer the first week to show the kiddies who is boss.  You'll thank me in November.

Gabby Cabby

I have to admit, anytime a Tiger player goes on Intentional Talk with Kevin Millar and Chris Rose, it's usually a very pleasurable thing to watch.  Tiger players like to have fun anyway but they loosen up even more and are usually hilarious.  Miggy is no exception.  Take nine minutes and give it a watch here, then come back for a minute.

First, let's all just admit we are impressed with Millar's Spanish so he stops throwing in random words and then translating them immediately.  Ok, done.

If there's one guy who understands how he plays the game of baseball better than anyone else, it's Cabrera.  I love that he can judge what type of pitch he's getting and then try and place it based on where it would be easiest to hit it out.  You'd think the baseball took minutes to reach home plate each time instead of the seconds it really does take.  Also, the key to getting Miggy out is to throw balls on all sides of the plate and then up.  No wonder it's difficult to strike Cabrera out.  The control and skill needed to do so is difficult to achieve.

What kind of TV shows do they broadcast in Miami?  They look crazy!  I love that the hosts try and dis VMart and Cabby turns around and throws it right to Brayan Pena.  Sounds like a party with Hunter, Pena, and Cabby would be highly entertaining.

Don't worry Cabby, we've all tripped over things that weren't really there.  Usually, I try and play it off like it didn't happen, or pretend to start and run (like Ellen advises).  Your idea is genius though, to pretend to be hurt so that people feel bad about laughing.

I don't know if I can replicate how Miggy says Verlander, but I think it should be the socially accepted way of pronouncing it.  I say VERlander, Miggy says erLANDer.  Will erLANDer ever get a hit?  We can only hope he'll redeem himself sometime (WS maybe?).

How can Princey Pie not like his look-alike?  The sincerest form of flattery is imitation.  Take it and be grateful!  Plus, that guy is a dead ringer for him under the circumstances.

Correction, the best party would be Pena, Cabby, and Pablo Sandoval, the Panda himself.  I wouldn't mind doing the salsa with any of those guys.  Miggy's right, the girls dig it!

I remember Verlander's comment that Al was the ugliest player.  I think it's possible that Miggy is just trying to get a rise out of JV with the ugly comment.  With pants as tight as his, there's no way he's the ugliest.  I don't' think the choices they gave were exactly good ones though.  They didn't even mention anyone from the bullpen (Benoit anyone?).  That's where the ugly lives.  Nice to know that feet-wise, Miggy takes the cake.  Personally, I think all men's feet are kind of gross.  They don't need pretty feet.  Fred Flintstone feet get you from point A to point B so that's all that matters.

OK, the new plan is for Panda, Pena, Miggy and myself to go fishing on his yacht in Miami, hold the fishing for me.  I'll bring the salsa and chips.  Let's leave Chris and Kevin out of this one.

Thank goodness none of these Tiger players are smoking with Smokes.  Need to keep the fitness up.  Sounds like the second-hand smoke levels are pretty ridiculous in the tunnel though.

What is Cabby doing with those hips!?  No wonder he has sore hips.  Kevin Rand needs to put a nix on his dancing until November.  Shakira's hips don't lie, but Miggy's hips are moving like an 85 year old woman with osteoporosis.

Back to school special

Summer is quickly coming to an end (although the heat and humidity would have us believe otherwise in Michigan).  Soon, the buses will be out, the kiddies will be eating Pop Tarts and strapping on their new Tiger backpacks, and parents will be doing the happy dance.  As part of our back to school excitement, I'd like to briefly address a topic that I think is becoming more and more relevant for professional athletes and children alike.  Concussions and brain injuries incurred during sports.

Recently, Avila went on the special concussion disabled list due to a foul ball to the head (he seems to catch more of these than the average player).  His ear even bled, which is disgusting and the worst place for blood to come from...except maybe the eye.  Eww.

MLB started running cognitive tests before the season as a baseline to compare results to when a concussion is suspected.  I feel like this year there has been an influx in catchers that have been put on the concussion DL due to the differences in these tests.  Eight catchers have been put on this DL this year, including Mighty Joe Mauer himself.  Mauer's teammate and the other half of the new M&M boys, Justin Morneau, has also had difficulty with concussions in the past and spent an extended period of time off the field.

Personally, I think these new protections and precautions are wonderful for professional athletes.  They also serve as a great example for children to show that head injuries should be taken seriously.  Unfortunately, the same precautions are not taken with children and teenagers.  Young athletes often ignore signs of concussions and are pushed back into games because coaches and parents aren't sure what to look for.  What major league sports should do (not just MLB, but the other professional sports too... NFL, NHL) is make an effort to educate the general public on the signs and symptoms of concussions.  Health care providers should also make the baseline tests performed by MLB more available and affordable so the comparison tests can be run.

In the interest of education, here are some signs of a concussion, with particular attention to children:

• Trouble thinking/remembering including not retaining new information or feeling fuzzy
• Headache
• Nausea/vomiting
• Dizziness
• Sensitivity to light/sound
• Feeling tired or sluggish
• Difficulty with balance
• Change in mood, including being easily upset or angry
• Nervous/anxious
• Sleeping changes, including sleeping more or less or having trouble falling asleep

Concussions, especially multiple or severe ones, can lead to permanent damage in the form of traumatic brain injuries (TBI).  TBIs can have lasting effects to any part of the brain function depending on where the injury occurred in the brain.  The message here is that TBIs are preventable and it's wonderful that MLB is taking an active role in keeping their players safe.  The next step is to keep our young, amateur athletes safe as well.

Now, get out of the way so I can get down off this soapbox and watch the Tigers!

Coke head

No place has proven more dangerous for Tiger veterans than the Detroit bullpen.  First to succumb to the rapid downfall was Papa Potato.  While I've never been his biggest fan, Potato head had a great year last year until the playoffs.  He quickly went on a downward spiral and has been banished for all eternity (I'm saying this with conviction, Dom).

Newest victim of the great in 2012, horrible in 2013 is Philthy Phil.  No one can forget his role as closer in the ALCS championship game.  He was dominate in the playoffs and stepped in when the potato got fried.  Sadly, his numbers this year have been less than stellar.  He's got a 0-5 record, 5.00 ERA in 36 innings, only one save in three opportunities, and an opponent average of .281 against him.  Ouchie.  Every action has consequences and in this case, Phil's dismal performance has him optioned to Toledo.  I'm sure once the roster expands, he'll be back up, but let's hope he comes back with some mojo.  Bring the swagger back, Phil!

This is the picture next to the word "mojo" in the dictionary

Dom did make a smart move by bringing Jose Alvarez back up from Toledo.  In the few starts he's had with the Tigers, he's proven that he can hang with the big boys.  His MO is usually that he cruises for several innings and then has one disastrous inning (Ryan Raburn anyone?).  More exposure to major league hitters will only be good for his ERA and confidence.

There's one problem with this scenario.  Alvarez is a starting pitcher and he's being thrown into the bullpen.  Starting pitchers and relievers are two different kinds of folks (think of JV and Brian Wilson...different, no?).  Alvarez should buddy up to Smyly and get some tips from him.  Drew has somehow adapted to the bullpen although it's CLEAR he's a starter.  I'm sure loads of players sacrifice and change for the sake of being in the bigs.

On a completely unrelated note, word is that Cabby had some lower back pain (or in his abdomen, or leg, or wherever) at the end of the game last night.  Even clearly injured, he's still the best hitter in the league.  Let's give him some nights off though so Miggy can make it to the playoffs without a hip replacement or a walker of some sort.  Get better soon Miggy...and Infante!