Bull Durham

We here at the Detroit Tigress (and by we, I mean myself and my cat Magglio, named after a Tiger player of course.  I asked him the other day if he wanted to change his name, maybe Miguel or Prince, but he said he likes being a Magglio.  The walk off home run in the ALCS sealed it for him) love baseball movies.  One of our favorites is the 1988 classic Bull Durham with Kevin Costner (who is in all great baseball movies), Susan Sarandon, and Tim Robbins.  So pop in your DVD, or VHS (or rush out to the store to buy it) and take a journey with me to North Carolina to look for the best line of the movie…

1:20- My religion is baseball too!  I didn’t know it was acceptable to claim this as your religion.  The church of baseball…I like it.

3:50- This coach is kind of like Gene Lamont.  Kinda clueless and likes to watch fat men dance.  Listen for his one liners and weird opinions about working at Sears.

5:20- It’s true!  Every great ball player had a nickname.  I’m naming my kid Lefty and hoping for a righty.

6:50- Is Annie hired by the team?  Or does she just do this for kicks?  If this is a job, I want it.  O wait, it’s probably like writing a blog but the 1988 version.

8:48- Walk 18, strike out 18…if he  gets a W, I’d call that good!

11:27- Costner’s reaction to being in A ball is priceless!  This is why whenever there is a baseball movie he is cast.

15:55- Which came first?  Ricky Wild Thing or Nuke?  Both erratic wild boys who need to learn a lesson.  I think Nuke came first.

16:38- “Lesson number 1- Don’t think, it will only hurt the ball club.”  That should be on every major league contract when signing a kid right out of high school.

19:26- And a nickname is born!  Also, Crash was in the minors for 12 years!

This is also a contender for best line of the movie: “Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.” 

Oh my…

23:27- Ever heard of Walt Whitman?  Who does he play for… Oh meat, this is why his head is only worth a nickel.

25:44- “Think classy, you’ll be classy.”  I pretty much live by that…I also never let fungus grow on my shower shoes.

26:40- This whole sequence is why I love this movie.  I like to believe similar conversations go on in all player’s heads at EVERY at bat.  Don’t tell me it’s not true and crush my dreams.  This is a reason I love watching baseball live. It’s all about the pitcher and the batter.

28:16 When I have kids and they are pestering me, it would be awesome to tell one of them to “shut up”.

29:33- I really hope that coach isn’t the hitting coach!  He knows nothing!!!!

31:00- Who wears this to go to the batting cages?!  I can barely walk in a pencil skirt let alone swing a bat in one.  Sorry guys, back to unisex talk.

34:50- This money drop thing is ridiculous!!!  How many children were hurt in the filming of that scene?  But that’s what is fun about minor league parks, you always get the crazy contests.  Like the dizzy bat race!

35:49- Up for another best line- “Strikeouts are fascist, throw ground balls, they’re more democratic.  This game’s fun ok!  Have fun gosh darn it!”

37:00- This confrontation is awesome too.  Lesson here kids, listen to your catcher.  The catcher is the smartest person on the field and the one in control.  Don’t mess with the catcher!

37:51- “I gave you a gift! Run dummy!  He hit the shit out of that one.  He hit the bull!  Guy gets a free steak.”  Also up for best line…Crash has some really good lines

39:58- Let the scaring commence folks.  UP for best line (including the Mississippis!):

“Skip: You guys. You lollygag the ball around the infield. You lollygag your way down to first. You lollygag in and out of the dugout. You know what that makes you? Larry!
Larry: Lollygaggers!
Skip: Lollygaggers.

Skip: What's our record, Larry?
Larry: Eight and sixteen.
Skip: Eight... and sixteen. How'd we ever win eight?
Larry: It's a miracle.
Skip: It's a miracle. This... is a simple game. You throw the ball. You hit the ball. You catch the ball.”

43:11- Up for best line: “Go get em boys, hit em where they ain’t!” 

44:00- “Women don’t get wooly.”  I hate people who get the words wrong too Crash. 

44:55- Tell us about the majors Crash!  “21 greatest days of my life.  Ball parks are like cathedrals.”  This is some major foreshadowing for him getting with Annie (that’s what we call a literary device my friends).  They belong to the same religion. 

48:12- “What are these boys thinking about cuz it shore ain’t baseball!”  That can be said about a lot of things. 

52:13- Can we see the dream sequence of Crash and Nuke playing naked together?  I can guarantee more girls would have seen this movie.

54:00- Breathe through your eyelids.  I’m not sure you want to tell a dope like Nuke to do that.

56:05- A slap on the ass will have to do for the ladies.  We aren’t going to get that dream sequence.

57:28- Tim Robbins gets points for his interpretation of breathing through his eyes.  The subtle eye roll is really working.  Also score points for the stupid coach who lets Annie do most of his coaching and then just sits back and explains it to Skip.

59:20- Crash is a switch hitter!  Oh my…

1:00:20- Poor Bull.  Whoever got shoved in the costume that day really had it coming to him.

1:00:55- “Next one might be at your head.  I don’t know where it’s going to go.  Swear to God.”  I love the catcher mind games! 

1:02:00- This is why Nuke’s in the minors, he still doesn’t listen to his catcher.  “When you speak of me, speak well.”  (Exaggerated head nod)

1:03:33- This song is pure baseball.  If you don’t have this on your summer play list, download it now.  John Fogerty, you are an 80s icon.

1:05:05- Time to work on your interviews.  “We got to play them one day at a time.  I’m just happy to be here.  Hope I can help the ball club.  I just wanna give it my best shot and the good lord willing, things will work out.”  I know, just write it down.

1:11:06- Who are you?  Do you have a job?  If only that was acceptable to ask to random people on the street.  Crash is my favorite.

1:13:00- Super duke, lalaoloosh!  That coach is really an idiot.  That’s Gene Lamont’s idol.

1:13:52- The mound scene!  This is awesome.  I can guarantee this never happens.  We need a live rooster!  Don’t know what to get Millie and Jimmy!  Classic!  For the future, than answer is always candle sticks.

1:16:13- Did he get him out at the plate or not?  This brings up the whole argument of instant replay.  I’m

against.  Umps gets things wrong, umps get things right, umps are cocksuckers.  It rains, it shines, it snows.  It’s all part of the game! 

1:19:40- I don’t know what it’s like, but I want to imagine it’s just like this. The “call” to the majors is an actual phone call, with some crazy Mexican lady singing in the background, your father in another room, and a woman with her dress half unbuttoned.  That’s the dream.

1:22:22- Why aren’t there more bars like this?  10 pool tables, bottles of Jack meant for swigs, and a friendly barkeep who doesn’t mind when you break a mirror.  I’d live there.

1:23:43- The difference between .250 and .300 is one more hit a week?!  Tell that to In-Gee!  I’d bet his head would explode.

1:25:24- Lesson 3- “Did you hit me with your right or left?  When you get in a fight with a drunk you don’t hit with your pitching hand.”  I never hit with my right.  Now that I’m on the fastball flakes diet, I want to preserve my beefy arm as much as possible.

1:27:21- “Be cocky and arrogant even when you are being beat.”  That’s what I live my life on.  Fear and arrogance!  Don’t get me worked up!

1:28:35- 16 year old Tigress wanted this wedding!  It’d still be sweet, but I would need Tiger Stadium and it’s no more.

1:30:00- You know it’s coming.  I know it’s coming.  It still sucks.  This is why baseball is a cruel game.  Crash played 12 years in the minors and gets the boot as soon as the cash cow moves on to the majors.  Terrible.

The next 8 minutes or so has a lot of sexy saxophone and a lot of loving.  This has NOTHING to do with baseball, feel free to skip right over.

1:40:00- “The world is made for people who aren’t cursed with self awareness”- up for best quote.  And here is the interview practice paying off!

1:43:35- I just wanna be!

What a great movie!  So the winner for best line is…Lollygaggers of course!  Although feel free to quote anything from this movie while watching baseball.  It’s all relevant.