Usually I don’t do research for these blogs. Let’s be honest, 3 people read them and I pay 2 of those people. I usually just read something or think it and then start typing. It’s not rocket science or brain surgery. You never heard someone use “blog writing” when making an analogy about a difficult task. But this time was different. This was personal. This is my War and Peace. It’s so life changing, that it needs two parts. I hired three undergraduate statistics students to do facial symmetry measures and perform telephone surveys. This isn’t a topic you simply start typing about. This requires thought, reflection, and time. I was able to give it two of those (see if you can figure out which two!). Also remember, this is my opinion. But I'm also the one with her fingers on the keys so...suck it! I may also start to sound like Paris Hilton with all the uses of "hot" and "sexy" but trust me, this too will pass. So without further ado…
The Hottest Men of Baseball 2011: American League Edition (Pitchers to come later; also 2011 because these were their teams/positions as of last year)
Catcher- Surprisingly, the most attractive men to me were catchers. I'm thinking it's the mask, or the squatting, or the pads. The jury is still out.
Boiling Point (AKA the Winner)- Joe Mauer (Twins): I've thought this for a long time. In fact, he may have inspired this blog entry. He's so tall, but so natural at being a catcher. It's counterintuitive and sexy. There, I said it. Please, baseball gods, don't move him from a catcher. I feel part of his allure may be gone if he moves.
Sizzling (AKA 1st runner up)- Jarrod Saltalamacchia (Red Sox): Long last name's are sexy. Also, he has a very "boy next door" quality.
Fever (AKA Honorable Mention): JP Arencibia (Blue jays), Alex Avila (Tigers), Lou Marson (Indians), Kurt Suzuki (Seattle)
1st base- A disappointing lack of hot. Although not on the list, it should be noted that my cousin once called Carlos Pena a "sexy Mexi." It's not offensive because she just didn't know better.
Boiling Point- Justin Smoak (Seattle): Subtle cute. Plus with the lack of hot at 1st (this is where the "big boys" of baseball live), he's the best I could find.
Sizzling: Mark Texiera (Yankees)- Personally, I think his neck is too big. Or his face shape is wrong. Something is a little off. That being said, the maker knew what he was doing when he put this one together.
Fever: Miguel Cabrera (Tigers)- That's right. You didn't misread that.
2nd base- These guys are usually quick and agile. Desirable traits in a mate.
Boiling Point: Ben Zobrist (Rays)- To be fair, this picture was probably taken 7 years ago. That being said, when I searched him on Google and saw this I thought, "Ding Ding, we have a winner."
Sizzling- Ian Kinsler (Rangers)- He reminds me of the "rebel" from high school. The scruff and shaggy hair work here. I'd love to see him in a pair of sunglasses...
Fever: Howie Kendrick (Angels)
Shortstop- The captain of the infield. Nothing better than a man who is in charge.
Boiling Point- Derek Jeter (Yankees)- This is probably going to be the only instance, but this is the man that "won" the first time I ranked players based on looks. Ya he's a little older, but I think he's aged well and will stand as a great baseball player of our time. Plus he's a Michigan native and gives back to his community (Turn 2 foundation anyone?)
Sizzling- Elvis Andrus (Rangers)- One word: Sunglasses. Also doesn't hurt that he shares his name with the King.
Fever- JJ Hardy (Baltimore)
3rd base- They call it the "hot corner" for a reason. Winky face ;)
Disclaimer- This Tigress will not stoop to picking ARod. We can, and will, do better America.
Boiling Point- Evan Longoria (Rays)- Best part of the Rays being in the playoffs last year? Getting to see Longoria on network television. In fact...he gets the Sizzling title too. That means two pictures.
Fever- Jack Hannahan (Baltimore)
Left Field- It should be noted that it is difficult to break apart the outfield. Just look at the All Star balloting. They don't even make a distinction between each position! In theory, 3 center fielders could make the starting line up. That's another rant for another day though. I did the best I could and only placed purposefully once...
Boiling Point- Brennan Boesch (Tigers)- You did it Brennan. I'm so proud of you. I'm guessing you'll play a lot of right field this year, but the stock at left are U-G-L-Y you ain't got no alibi. Since we already saw the picture of him in his sunglasses (thank you Mr. Sun), I've picked another gem.
Fever- Josh Hamilton (Rangers)
Center Field- As John Fogerty would say, "Look at me. I can be center field."
Boiling Point- Jacoby Ellsbury (Red Sox)- Maybe one of my favorite names in all of baseball. Is it Jacob-y or JA-coby? No one knows...ok, maybe his mom knows what she intended. Thanks for the name mom, and the hot, hot genes.
Fever- Peter Bourjos (Angels)
Right Field- Rounding out the field, literally and figuratively (in my heart).
Boiling Point- Nick Markakis (Baltimore)- He has a tendency to look a little awkward, but in the right light it's all good. Plus, his last name is also awesome. If I married Nick, I'd insist our first born was named Mark. It'd be the moral thing to do.
Sizzling- Ichiro Suzuki (Seattle)- This is a long time coming. He may have been on the original list as well (scientists have yet to unearth it). At the 2005 All Star game, I chanted his name with a lively group of Japanese fans. I bought a shirt with his name on it. When he "slaps" the ball, my heart skips a beat. If only I could find a picture of him in sunglasses...Oh wait, never mind!
Fever- Torii Hunter (Angels)
Pitchers are a whole new adventure. Stay tuned for them and the National League list!
Treasures of the search:
The hotter the guy, the higher on the list inquiries for his girlfriend or wife are on the google suggestion search. Nice to know I’m not the only lady wondering.
I was immediately drawn to most guys wearing sunglasses. I’m thinking a mandatory sunglasses rule for MLB is coming. My petition for the high socks rule has been in their hands for quite some time.
I also ran across some not so hot guys. I smell another blog post.
A lot of guys look like goobers for their official team pictures but look better when caught off guard. Teams need to hire professional photographers.
No comments:
Post a Comment