Marriage material

As I'm writing, the Tigers are playing.  I usually don't like to write mid-game, I like to instead...you know, watch the Tigers.  But, I'll be optimistic today and say the Tigs got a W for Verdiggity (and if they don't I bet it was Lamont's fault).

Sister Tigress and I were twittering during the game (or maybe it was texting, technology makey my head hurt), and I commented that Saltalamacchia is my favorite name in the majors.  In fact, I would marry him to get that name!

My name barely fits on my shirt

That brought up the question, "Realistically, if you could marry one of the Tigers, who would you pick?"  Now really, I think she meant "theoretically", because realistically, no Tiger would marry me.  I like the question though...so lets consider:

All of the Tigers' relievers are out.  I think relievers in general are just not my style.  They are only good for an inning at most, so you can't expect much house work out of them.  Forget the yard work too.  Also, have you seen a relief pitcher?  It's not pretty.

That's just how my face looks

Next it's on to the starting pitchers.  Ricky P is out, I have a feeling he has low self confidence and I'd need to keep patting him on the back and telling him what a good boy he is.  Smyly's too young and inexperienced.  SchEYEzer is too inconsistent (but man, I bet the good days would be good with him.  He'd probably take you to a carnival, movie, to get ice cream, and then buy you a pony.  But then the next day he'd burn all your clothes).  That leaves Dougie Fresh and Verdiggity.  Both good choices.  Verdiggity has proven he's hilarious, good looking, rich, talented, and a jokester.  Dougie Fresh keeps things moving quickly, which is good because I'm impatient.  Plus he's tall, always a good sign for children with possible athletic aspirations.

And I can teach you how to Dougie

Obviously with catchers there's not a lot to choose from.  G-Money is out.  He's one of those guys who seems like he "thinks" he's funny.  You know, he has the same 5 jokes that I'd have to hear over and over.  Avila's beard is uncontrollable and I can't imagine the beard burn my face would have to endure.  They are both out.

Ouch

Infielders are next.  Suckburn and Santiago are out.  2nd base is just not happening this year for the Tigers or for a Tigress husband.  Soft J is in still.  I love saying his name.  Jhonny (soft J).  Facial hair needs to be changed, but that's easy enough.  Cabrera is out.  I need someone to be a reliable DD when needed.  Fielder is surprisingly in.  He has Tiger DNA in his blood, he's Mr. Congeniality at first base, and he's a power hitter...o ya, and he has tons of money.  

No need to worry about the food bill.  He's got it covered.

Outfielders are always attractive.  They are quick, can throw, and are usually great hitters.  Jackson is in for the previously listed reasons.  Bboesch is in too, but I'd make sure he spent lots of time in the batting cage.  Also he'd have to keep his sunglasses on permanently.  Delmon is out (see Cabrera's reason above and I also bruise easily).  Dirks is a maybe, like maybe if he had cooler music to come to bat to, then I'd consider him.

Don't take those off!

Utility guys?  They are out.  No Donnie or Danny for me.  I always liked Joey from New Kids on the Block.

Joey, Jon, Danny, Donnie, Jordan= NKOTB

So, that leaves me with the choice of Verdiggity, Dougie Fresh, Jhonny, Prince, Jackson, or Bboesch.  Well, the answer is easy my friend.  No one can beat Verdiggity.  He's the total package.  As I'm watching him now, he's getting fired up too, which means he has passion too.  Again, the money and endorsement deals don't hurt either.  I'd have free Taco Bell for life and the new MLB video game every year.  I'm down with swag.

Thanks Tigress. You are marriage material too.

It's now 4-0 Boston.  COME ON!!!