Polish American Night

I think Rod Allen said it best last night when he said something to the effect of, come on fellas!  This season isn't young anymore!

You ain't just whistling Dixie, Rod.  As frustrating as it is to watch the Tigers now, I'll say it again.  I watched the Tigers in 2003.  I'll watch the Tigers if they don't win another game this season.  Will I be mad?  Yes.  Will I throw things?  Yes.  Will I give up on the Tigers?  Never.

On that note, tomorrow is one of my favorite days at Comerica Park.  It's Polish America night (also note how America is spelled.  I'm a better speller than the people on Mitt Romney's campaign)!  Let's go back two years and tell the story of how the Tigress ended up at Polish America Night.

The year was 2010.  The holiday was Memorial Day weekend.  Sister Tigress was about to tie the knot in two short days.  My thought, what's the best way to start the wedding celebration weekend?  Why a trip to Comerica Park!  We bought the group deal which included a t shirt, soda, hot dog, chips, and ticket for about 35 dollars!  What a great deal!  Not only that, the giveaway that day was a 1935 throwback hat!  I also scored some sweet bead necklaces.  Check out the ensemble:

It was a beautiful day, nice warm and sunny.  The best part about Polish America Night is the on field dancing by all the small children.  They are adorable and all do a slight variation on the same 3 dances.  It's wonderful.  There are also Polka bands and fireworks set to Polka music.  Last year, Sister Tigress and Grandpa Tiger did a little Polka around the concourse.  Only on Polish America Night!

Tomorrow is supposed to be cold and rainy like last year's PAN.  Good thing a true Tiger fan is equipped for both cold and warm weather, no matter if it's April or October.  Seems like a great day for the babushka.  I'll be the youngest lady at the park with one on, but I won't be the only one.

Marriage material

As I'm writing, the Tigers are playing.  I usually don't like to write mid-game, I like to instead...you know, watch the Tigers.  But, I'll be optimistic today and say the Tigs got a W for Verdiggity (and if they don't I bet it was Lamont's fault).

Sister Tigress and I were twittering during the game (or maybe it was texting, technology makey my head hurt), and I commented that Saltalamacchia is my favorite name in the majors.  In fact, I would marry him to get that name!

My name barely fits on my shirt

That brought up the question, "Realistically, if you could marry one of the Tigers, who would you pick?"  Now really, I think she meant "theoretically", because realistically, no Tiger would marry me.  I like the question though...so lets consider:

All of the Tigers' relievers are out.  I think relievers in general are just not my style.  They are only good for an inning at most, so you can't expect much house work out of them.  Forget the yard work too.  Also, have you seen a relief pitcher?  It's not pretty.

That's just how my face looks

Next it's on to the starting pitchers.  Ricky P is out, I have a feeling he has low self confidence and I'd need to keep patting him on the back and telling him what a good boy he is.  Smyly's too young and inexperienced.  SchEYEzer is too inconsistent (but man, I bet the good days would be good with him.  He'd probably take you to a carnival, movie, to get ice cream, and then buy you a pony.  But then the next day he'd burn all your clothes).  That leaves Dougie Fresh and Verdiggity.  Both good choices.  Verdiggity has proven he's hilarious, good looking, rich, talented, and a jokester.  Dougie Fresh keeps things moving quickly, which is good because I'm impatient.  Plus he's tall, always a good sign for children with possible athletic aspirations.

And I can teach you how to Dougie

Obviously with catchers there's not a lot to choose from.  G-Money is out.  He's one of those guys who seems like he "thinks" he's funny.  You know, he has the same 5 jokes that I'd have to hear over and over.  Avila's beard is uncontrollable and I can't imagine the beard burn my face would have to endure.  They are both out.

Ouch

Infielders are next.  Suckburn and Santiago are out.  2nd base is just not happening this year for the Tigers or for a Tigress husband.  Soft J is in still.  I love saying his name.  Jhonny (soft J).  Facial hair needs to be changed, but that's easy enough.  Cabrera is out.  I need someone to be a reliable DD when needed.  Fielder is surprisingly in.  He has Tiger DNA in his blood, he's Mr. Congeniality at first base, and he's a power hitter...o ya, and he has tons of money.  

No need to worry about the food bill.  He's got it covered.

Outfielders are always attractive.  They are quick, can throw, and are usually great hitters.  Jackson is in for the previously listed reasons.  Bboesch is in too, but I'd make sure he spent lots of time in the batting cage.  Also he'd have to keep his sunglasses on permanently.  Delmon is out (see Cabrera's reason above and I also bruise easily).  Dirks is a maybe, like maybe if he had cooler music to come to bat to, then I'd consider him.

Don't take those off!

Utility guys?  They are out.  No Donnie or Danny for me.  I always liked Joey from New Kids on the Block.

Joey, Jon, Danny, Donnie, Jordan= NKOTB

So, that leaves me with the choice of Verdiggity, Dougie Fresh, Jhonny, Prince, Jackson, or Bboesch.  Well, the answer is easy my friend.  No one can beat Verdiggity.  He's the total package.  As I'm watching him now, he's getting fired up too, which means he has passion too.  Again, the money and endorsement deals don't hurt either.  I'd have free Taco Bell for life and the new MLB video game every year.  I'm down with swag.

Thanks Tigress. You are marriage material too.

It's now 4-0 Boston.  COME ON!!!

Bye bye Smokes

I hate a Tiger loss, but there is one thing that I find highly entertaining (almost enough to make me forget the loss), and that's when Jimmy Smokes gets ejected.  Usually, Smokes is mild mannered.  He lumbers around the steps of the dugout, counting the seconds until he can retreat to his office for a cigarette.  In post game interviews, he barely moves his lips.  He seems to have three emotions: neutral, crying, or ejection anger.  Today was a little ejection anger.  Note the images below:

Leyland's clearly just telling the ump which Boston cream pie is his favorite

Don't disagree with Smokes about pie, he turns into the Hulk

So, as a Memorial Day tribute to Jimmy Smokes, let's take a look at some of his most majestic moments...directly before or after ejection.  I'll also offer some alternative interpretations of the images...because maybe Smokes is just drastically misunderstood.

Smokes could just be indicating that he has to use the little boys room...you know what one finger means

Smokes shows the ump how to call safe without throwing out his back

Smokes gave The Avengers only one thumb up

No, no, it's a LEFT on Woodward!

Smokes shows off his slow motion chicken dance

Happy Memorial Day!

Tribute to Rod Allen

Not every team has announcers as good as Rod and Mario.  I know some people (particularly Grandpa Tiger) who don't care for Rod and Mario's playful, game-time banter.  I for one love it!  Like before the game today when Rod was making a comment about Prince wearing his "big boy pants" and then Mario called him out on it.  Classic Rario.

So in honor of the man himself, we played a little round of "The Rod Allen Drinking Game."  There are many variations to this great game.  Go ahead, Google it.  I'll wait...
Done?

Ok, well this is how I arranged the Tigress version of the game.  Every player got 2 "quotes" equaling either 1, 2, or 3 drinks.  There was also an "all drink" for any time Rario talked about fashion or weight.  What can I say?  It's been a hot topic this season.  Here's a sample of the quotes:

Our players for today?

Why it's Dougie Fresh, Bboesch, Suckburn, and Verdiggity!  There was a rule instituted after the first inning that if they showed Dougie Fresh or Verdiggity in the dugout, that player would have to drink.  If Suckburn made an error, drink.  And if Bboesch managed to get a hit, drink again!  The fun was never ending!

Wouldn't you know...Suckburn had an error.  I don't care if they scored it a run, we all know it was an error.  Here's him drinking with the dog looking on in disgust.

Dougie Fresh had "big fella" on his card and Rod said it three times today!  Needless to say, Dougie was walking a little crooked after the game.

Verdiggity isn't pitching until Tuesday, so he took a nap mid game.

We also added commercials to our cards.  Bboesch had Little Caesers commercials, Verdiggity had Scott's Sports Cards, Dougie had Bell Tire, and Suckburn had WallSide Windows.

Best part of the game?  A Tigers sweep of course!  It's a Memorial Weekend miracle!  The Tigress is feeling good going into Boston with Dougie Fresh, Verdiggity, and Smyly up pitching.  Who's afraid of the Big Green Monster?  Not me.

Avoiding the meltdown

To start, this is how the Tigers should be playing.  Smyly was smiley last night, living up to his namesake.  However, it wasn't without great effort from the offense.  Villarreal is the subject of a new Tigress feature:

THE MELTDOWN: In stages of course
1. He throws to Raburn when Peralta is clearly covering 2nd
2. He does a "pick off" move to first that not even Superman could handle
3. He pitched crappy...fast doesn't necessarily equal outs

I tried to find a picture with his head hung in shame

Gem of the Day: Mario: Prince would have flattened that guy (when Prince and the runner were both sprinting to first and almost collided)
Rod: No, that woulda killed him.

What a sick burn Rod.

Two more games with the Twinkies and then a four game set with the Red Sox.  It's almost June though...time to pick it up.  I can't keep giving people this "It's only May" crap.  I'm starting to sound silly.

It's not a peanut butter sandwich

Banana sandwiches all around!  Seriously, bases loaded, no outs, no runs.  Only the Tigers.  Most Tiger fans are either a) frustrated, b) angry, or c) giving up.  I may be a little frustrated but I'm definitely not giving up.  Again, I was a fan in 2003.  I've been through worse.  Do I want better for our Tigs?  Yes.  I believe this team still has the great potential to take the AL Central. 

Shout Out- Dougie Fresh was looking good last night.  So glad with My Tiger choice.  One of the best things about him is that he works so quickly on the mound too. 

JV is up today.  One thing I know is that Verdiggity means "win" in Latin.

Oh My SchEYEzer

Maxxy was bringing the wicked stuff today and the offense decided to show up to assist his 15 strikeouts.  15 is a lot of strikeouts, but for SchEYEzer, it's pretty amazing.  Consider that at the end of April he had a game where he walked 7 guys!  It seems like he finally settled in and found his control (or the Pirates are just terrible batters, let's hope it's the first thing).

So, the Shout Out today goes to old Maxxy Pad.  BTW, if SchEYEzer is your Tiger, you need the shirt below:

Gem of the Day: (right after Avila "steals" a base...meaning the hit and run was on but Suckburn missed the ball by a mile)
Rod: Avila has lightning speed...in his sleep!
Mario: That's cold. 
Another BTW, Avila shaves 10 minutes before game time and has a five o'clock shadow by the final pitch.

Come On!  Not necessarily directed at a ridiculous fan today, more at the FSN director.  What's with the behind the plate camera work?  It's possibly the worst angle when the pitch is being thrown.  It's not the same as sitting behind the plate, so stop trying to simulate it! (high pitch voice) COME ON!

Now on to a ten game away series in Cleveland, Minnesota, and Boston.  At the beginning of this year I would have said this will be the easiest away series of the season.  But, Cleveland's in first in the weak AL Central, the Twins just took 2 from the Tigers last week, and even though the Tigers owned the Sox opening weekend, anything is possible in Bean Town.  My hope is that Valverde stays day-to-day with his "sore back."  More chance of winning that way.

Fun Fact

Ok, maybe not a fun fact, maybe more sad.  The Tigers haven't had back to back victories since April 18.  That's right, a month ago!  Unless Verdiggity is on the mound throwing a no hitter into the ninth inning, it just seems so difficult to get a win.  Notice how I didn't say impossible, just difficult.

I was in a classroom yesterday and a small child was commenting that he was going to the game this weekend (hopefully to tomorrow's game so he can get Dougie Fresh's growth chart).  The teacher said, "They haven't been doing that good lately."  My comment was, "Don't lose faith.  It's only May!"  The teacher replied, "You said that about April."  So, there are only two options:

• Either I'm in denial
• Or the Tigers are making me sound like a broken record

Either way, it's no good.  The small children are starting to lose faith.  Think back Tigs.  You were once small children too.  Give the kids something to believe in!

Come home Tigers, come home

It's amazing what a little (or in this case, a lot) of run support can do.  Even the Tigers couldn't find a way to blow a 10 run outing.  They showed just how potent they could be when they string a couple (or 8) runs together in one inning.  Another positive point, Valverde gets pulled in the 9th when he wasn't doing his job.  Ok fine.  It was because he was injured (some "lower back tightness"), but I'll take it.  If he puts two on, pull him!  That should be your new rule Smokes.

But for now, please come back to D-Town Tigers.  I'm hoping a little home town love will keep things moving along.  Playing against the struggling Twins doesn't hurt either!

Clutch

Clutch (adj) - done or accomplished in a critical situation; Tending to perform well in difficult, high-pressure situations

The first time I heard the word "clutch" used to describe a sports player was when I was in high school.   Cousin Tiger used it at least 5 times in each sports column he wrote for our high school paper.  Really, the word shouldn't be thrown around so much.  Few people in sports are truly so clutch.  The past week I've been impressed with how Dirty Dirks has been performing, especially in his #2 position in the batting line up.  Even though he's been impressive, he's not clutch.  Bases loaded, two outs, and he pops in the in field.  It's disappointing but not wholly unexpected.  Danny Worth is also not clutch.  His job was to bunt the ball down the third base line softly enough to allow Raburn to advance to third.  No such luck.

"Sorry Danny.  Even I got a walk with the bases loaded.  I'm semi-clutch."

 Luckily, there are some clutch players on the Tigers:

1. JV- He goes out and does his job, sometimes with no run support and no defense

2. Cabby- Say what you will about his slow start, but he gets hits with players on base (.455 with two outs and runners in scoring position...I'll take those odds).

Tigers head back to Chi Town for a two game series.  Let's hope the Tigers show up to play.  Smyly is up first and he's been giving shoulder rubs in the dugout and making people protein shakes hoping for some run support.

"Do you think you could just get some hits?"

Hello In-Gee my old friend

I've seen MoneyBall twice and read the book so I'm pretty much an expert at all things about the Oakland Athletics.  What Brad Pitt likes to do is get a lot of young players who cost nothing and then throw in some veterans whose salaries are mostly being paid by another team.  Enter my old boo, In-Gee.  With his old team in town, In-Gee tried to put on a clinic last night about how you play 3rd base (pay attention kids- as Rod would say).

His dive for the foul ball of Dirks was ridiculously awesome.  Too bad for him he didn't catch it though.  Dirty Dirks makes you pay with hitting it out.  Some one (probably Brad) also convinced In-Gee that the A's are really an all year long home run derby.  Enjoy it now A's fans.  He's a great guy, an average player, and we here at the Tigress wish him nothing but the best.

Shout Out- Cabby went 4-5 with 3 RBIs and his average has slowly climbed back to .285.  Whatever he's doing is working.  Maybe it's because he has a consistent hitter in front of him...

Plight of the starters

West coast games during the school year are just not possible to watch.  I'm getting older and 10 PM is staying just as late.  So this is how I've been waking up this week: Alarm goes off, snooze, alarm goes off again, snooze, alarm goes off, news, weather, sports.  No, I don't snooze because I'm sleepy (well maybe).  It's because I want to hear how the Tigers did.  Here are the "summaries" I've heard the past two days.

Tuesday morning: Doug Fister pitched a great game, but Dotel (or Notel in this case) loses it in the 9th.  
Boo

I still like you Dotel, I'm just disappointed

Wednesday morning: Well the Tigers won last night, but it wasn't easy.  Justin Verlander almost got thrown out in the 3rd inning (Wha?) and Valverde loads them up in the 9th (again?!).
Argg

An emotion you know a lot about lately: Shame

First of all, I've never seen JV get aggravated.  That's just not his style, he goes out there and just gets it done.  But, can you blame him?  He finally got some run support and he knew he couldn't hand things over to the bullpen.  I hope someone bought Dougie a cold one after the game the other day because everyone on that team owes him a win!  This is not an original thought.  Tigers might have the best starting 5 in the league.  But everything else is struggling right now (ie: offense and relief pitching).  It doesn't surprise me that Smokes got ejected.  He will often get thrown on purpose just to motivate the team (Managing 101).  This wasn't one of those cases considering he never left the dugout.  This may be the only time I say this too so note the day and time... Thank Zeus for G-Money.  I think he stepped in front of the ump just as JV was really going at it.  G-Money gets it.  JV is who is winning games.  To get him kicked out (in the 3rd!!!) would be disaster.

So, relievers better get their act together or Dombrowski better get on his little hamburger phone to start trading them off one by one.

Teach me how to Dougie

Tonight marks Fister's return to the Tigers after being injured since the second game of the season.

This is only his second game of the year and it comes against his former team, Seattle.  Best of all?  Ricky P and SchrEYEzer had much better command this weekend.  The Tigers' starting five are finally starting to come together.  According to Rod, UniBrow has been working with the boys on raising their hands before pitching to get on the top of the ball more.  I don't know much about the mechanics of pitching, so I'm going to trust him on this one.

Worst of all?  The Tiger's "finish men" as they were.  I've liked Dotel all this season, and he's performed in almost every chance he's had.  Even Philthy Phil has been good this year.  It's the "Slow as H" brothers that are really stumbling.  I was never a fan of Valverde, but at least he got the job done...in a sense.  Well not any more!  Saturday was a travesty that SchrEYEzer can have such a good game and then lose the W to Papa Potato, especially after his 7 walks last time out.  Then, they put him in Sunday too!  I'm thinking a change is needed.  As for Benoit, he's starting to show glimmers of Valverde and takes just as long to throw the ball.  You're on watch, kid.

It's apparent though that Smokes has been reading the blog, although he's backlogged a couple of weeks.  He finally moved BBoesch out of the two spot!  Dirty Dirks isn't a perfect #2 man, but he's a vast improvement over BBoesch.  The Shout Out goes to AJack.  Talk about a start to the year.  He's a perfect lead off hitter for us at this point and it's hard to believe he's only 25.  Good work, Young Man.

Ricky P, and all the starters, appreciate the run support

Miggy Poco

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/mlb-big-league-stew/miguel-cabrera-stars-mlb-fan-cave-telenovela-203344471.html

The best thing about this video is not Miggy in an eye patch.  That's good, but what's better is the reference to Jimmy Smokes making defensive changes late in the game.  They have your number Smokes.  I think I will make one of those masks for the next game I attend.  Now if I can only convince the future Mr. Tigress to wear an eye patch...

The walk off

Gem of the Day: (in response to Jhonny's homer) Mario: How do you like that?
Answer: A lot Mario...a lot.

Obviously the Shout Out is for Jhonny (you know, with a soft 'j').  I would call him by his pre-season-given nickname, but there's a problem with that...the chinstrap is gone!  He probably thought the chinstrap was causing his so called "slump."  My guess is the strap won't make another appearance if he is hitting well.  Now he's sporting more of a "chin warmer."  You know, for those chilly spring nights in Michigan.  It's really a loss for the ladies of Detroit.  His post game interview was also entertaining because I didn't realize how heavy his accent was.  He was referring to Smyly as "Smile," or maybe that's just how I heard it.

Goodbye old friend

Props need to be given to Smyly though.  He's good.  Rod pointed out that he mixes things up and I saw a lot of that tonight too.  Keep it up kid.  C-Mo says you have a "sneaky" fast ball.  Sneaky is good.

Today brings another new feature at the Tigress.

WHA?!?!

This is where we (the cat and I) question the managing decisions of old Jimmy Smokes.  Tonight's WHA?!?! putting in Laird to pinch run for Avila.  Only in his dreams is G-Money a pinch runner for anyone.  Prince moves around better than G-Money.  So Smokes, what's the deal-io, yo?  Even Rod didn't have some cockamamie idea as to why G-Money was in the game.  Good thing Jhonny (with a soft 'j') hit the homer, because if that ball would have dropped into the gap, G-Money still would have been at 2nd with Lamont holding up the big stop sign.

He's actually walking in this picture.  That's just how his face looks.

Holy unibrow

Ricky P was back on last night.  Like I've said before, he's either on or off.  I'll take the on.  A fan can always tell when he's on because the ground balls are all over the place.  It also doesn't hurt to be playing the Royals, whose pitcher was obviously injured.  In fact, let's just play the rest of our games versus the Royals.  Is that possible?  One thing about Ricky P though, he's gotta stop sticking his bare hand out when balls are hit past him.  That's twice he's attempted this in 2012 and it's only the first day of May!  This has injury written all over it.

Jeff Jones was commenting on Ricky P's control and when his picture popped up all I could think was...Holy Unibrow!  It's still considered manly if you do a little maintenance work on your looks.  It's called manscaping.

Shout-out: I hope this doesn't doom him, but the shout-out goes to AJ.  I was Skeptical (with a capital S) at the beginning of the year, but his ability to get on base at the top of the line up has been critical to any offense the Tigers produced thus far.  4-5 with 3 singles and a double, plus a stolen base last night.  Then when he adds in his defense...I hope Tiger pitchers are buying him a muffin basket or something.

Gem of the Day: It's been mentioned before that Eldred is a big boy.  He was facing Tim Collins on the mound for the Royals and Mario and Rod pointed out the vast height difference.  Eldred at 6'5'', probably closer to 6'6'' according to Rod and he would know, he's very into estimating height, and Collins at 5'7'', which you know you can shave at least one inch off.  It was quite comical, like a kid from the 12 year old world series practicing while his dad takes batting practice.

Promotions

Some of the Tigers' promotions to get you to go to games are awesome and some are not so awesome.  Here's a run down of the top five from each category.

Top Five:
1. On-Field Photo Day (Sun May 6)- This was later in the year last year, but word on the street is that it's awesome.  You get to take pictures with players on the field.  How could it get better!  It's a personalized keepsake.
2. Alex Avila Floppy Hat (Mon July 2)- I'm down for any floppy hat situation, especially when you combine it with my runner up for My Tiger.

3. Star Wars/Tigers Fathead (Sat June 2)- There's no picture, but how could this not be awesome!  Is it Luke Skywalker with a Tiger hat?  Paws with a light saber?  Only time will tell.
4. Shirt off our back giveaway (Sun Sept 23)- I've never been to one of these days, but while the chances would be slim that you would get a jersey...think of if you did!  It would be worth it just to go and give it a chance.  Then you'd have a Tiger jersey AND the sweat still lingering in the fibers.
5. Red, White, and Blue cap (Wed July 4)- Another sweet hat.  Whenever you can get a "free" hat, I'm usually in.

Top Two "Days"
1. Polish American Night (Friday June 1)- The best day of the year as far as I'm concerned.  Small children dancing on the field, polka bands, polish sausage, fireworks at the end to polka, and the occasional polka dancers.  If you aren't sold, I don't know what else you could ask for.
2. Zubazpalooza II (Monday August 6)- I just heard about this but the item is awesome and you get to go to a pre-party at Hockeytown.  Every cool kid will have these soon.

Not Five
1. Weather Day (Wed May 2)- Really...a whole day for weather?  Weather gets a day every time there's a rain out.
2. Career Day (Thur May 17)- The answer of any young person to the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" should be "baseball player."  End of story.  Career day should only take about 2 minutes then.
3. Detroit Tigers Paws Mask (Thur June 7)- I'm not anti-mascot.  I'm just not crazy about them.  They distract from the game and frankly are a little scary.  So to see 5,000 small children with Paws masks on might be my worst nightmare.
4. Country Night (Friday July 6)- Again, not anti-country, but I like country like I like my tequila...in small doses.  A whole night of country?  No thanks.
5. Replica Jose Valverde Glasses (Sun August 5)- Part of me is just mad this is a "kids" giveaway day.  I'm not a huge Valverde fan, but think of all the sweet dance/celebration moves you could do with those glasses on!  Here's a tip though on kids' giveaway days.  Walk around the stadium after the game to look for the items...OR sit next to kids who are rooting for the other team!  That's how I scored one of my small friends a Paws lunchbox last year.

Which days are you going to?