Ode to SchEYEzer

If Verdiggity is always the bride of the Tigers' pitching staff, then SchEYEzer is always the bridesmaid.  A superstar in his own right, but always mentioned behind his Cy Young and MVP teammate.  Well, Maxxy has long established himself as dominate, but now he finally has a record and accolades pouring in.  He was pumped too.  You could tell he wanted it.  The first 10-0 start for a Tiger since 1909 and the first in MLB since 1997 (some no name started off 10-0 that year, someone called Roger...Roger Clemens).  To celebrate such a fantastic achievement, we here at the Tigress (mainly just me, but the cat helped out) wrote an ode to Maxxy-Pooh.

Oh Maxxy, my Maxxy, history you have made
When your contract is due, make sure you get paid.
The best trade in recent history, he came from the west,
Edwin and Curtis who?  It's not even a contest!

Oh Maxxy, my Maxxy, with eye so crystal blue, and eye of chocolate brown.
He's the best of both worlds, dominate on the mound.
He's the strikeout king of Detroit, leaving batters looking a fool.
SchEYEzer, in the words of twelve year old Tigress, YOU RULE!

If the Tigers can get a solid closer, then there's no stopping them this year.  My suggestion is to trade for a closer.  Personally, I would trade Porcello and/or Dirks and get a closer (anyone but Fernando Rodney, he can keep his sideways cap in Florida).  Now, I appreciate Ricky P and think he's a great pitcher, but Smyly can easily start as well and we NEED a closer.  As for Dirks, he's another solid player, but the Tigers seem to be full of outfielders (blame it on Smokes).  I would suggest making Benoit the closer, but Smokes keeps resisting and he's not the most reliable person.

OK, that's my ode and rant for the day.  Only two more days until Zubaz!

What not to wear: Tigress edition

As we roll right through the middle of June, many of you are commenting that you are attending games in the near future.  It's always a struggle to decide what to wear to the games, especially with Michigan's ever-changing weather.  Here are some guidelines to follow based on the median temperature of the three to four hours you will be at the game:

40s- These games are usually in March or October, but I've sat through some pretty chilly May games as well.  I suggest wearing double layer pants, thick socks, boots or waterproof shoes, multiple layers of shirts, a sweatshirt or jacket, and all the Tiger winter accessories you can find (hat, mittens, scarf, babuska).

50s- Only one layer of pants is necessary here, but don't skimp on the foot coverage.  There's nothing worse than sitting and trying to pay attention when your feet are cold.  Keep the layers on top, you can always take or add things as necessary.  A hat wouldn't be a bad idea either.

60s- Keep the long pants, but the option is open for a little rolling so keep your socks low.  A t-shirt and light jacket or long sleeve should be sufficient, especially if it's a day game.  Don't forget your baseball hat and sunscreen!

70s- It's surprising how warm 75 can feel, especially after sitting through games in October.  If it's a day game, shorts are a must at this point.  Short sleeves are good and if the sun disappears for half an inning, have a long sleeve handy to throw on.

80s and above- The number one thing you should have with you is your unopened bottle of water (to get past security) and sunscreen.  Remember to keep things PG though, this isn't an audition for a rap video.

With these guidelines in mind, here are some rules to follow as well.  A mini What Not to Wear for any true Tiger fan.

• Leggings are not pants.  They are meant to go under dresses and skirts.  No one wants to see your camel toe.
• High heels are impractical when walking up and down wide concrete steps.  I know you think your butt looks better when you wear them, but your number one objective at a game should not be picking up guys.  It should be watching a baseball game.  Crazy concept, I know.
  
• Guys, please keep your shirts on.  If you are worried about a farmer tan, go ahead and roll up your sleeves.  For the sake of Brother-in-Law Tiger, don't wear skinny strap tank tops either.  It's weird and everyone is staring at your armpit hair.
  
• If the weather isn't going to be above 55, don't wear shorts or flip flops.  You aren't being hard core, you are being ridiculous.  We play a game called "Who will freeze?" when we go to playoff games.  Don't be the one we pick.
• If you go to more than three games a year, buy a Tiger shirt.  Trust me, it will pay for itself in the end.  If you only go to one game a year, it isn't COMPLETELY necessary to buy a shirt, but at least wear something practical.  Your shirt should not have glitter, sparkles, ruffles, or be meant for wearing at a night club.  
• No wearing the opposing team's apparel though.  That's just an unbreakable rule.
• Your clothing can be pink, green, or even bright yellow with the Detroit logo on it.  I'm not one of those purists who thinks you can only wear orange or blue.  For years, women were forced to wear men's t-shirts that fit poorly and were kind of blah.  Now there are so many wonderful options that let us express our style but still show our support for the Tigers.
  

The number one thing to bring to the Tiger games though is your party shoes, because when the Tigers have a four and a half game lead in the AL Central, every game is a party.

Summer in the D

In true Tigress tradition, here's a song to celebrate the true start of summer...when I no longer have to work!

Summer in the D

Humid town, Summer in the D
Papa Potato getting stung by a bee
Always screwing up, poor JV
Never seems to get run support, or is it just me?

All around, Tigerettes cheering loudly
Rooting on the Tigers, wearing orange proudly

At Comerica it's a magical world
It's paradise for a girl
Dougie, Cabby, Jhonny
All make me weak in the knees.

And kids, we're going back to the series
I'll be there, being super cheery
During the summer, in the D
Through the fall, in the D.

So glad that my summer officially started today and not yesterday when Potato screwed everyone over.  It's an off day today, a day we can all recover from our losing hangover.  It's also the one week countdown to Zubaz Pants day.  Can't get more summer than Tiger printed pajama pants.

Tiger in KC

From the last Tigress blog post, you can tell I love the fan experience of games.  Fans interacting, people meeting each other, becoming fast friends, trying to talk with players, traditions, memories, and fun.  There are some people out there that get it more than others.  I think one of them lives in Kansas City.  This man dresses in a Tiger costume for every game at Kansas City for the past couple of years.  Rario often comments on it.  I noticed him yesterday, mainly because he has one of the best seats in the house, right to the right of home plate (from the perspective of standing on the mound).

This is a dedicated fan, and today he brought a little friend to the game, a small Tiger hand puppet.  I did notice that the little friend only came out while the Tigers were batting.  If there's one thing I love, it's puppets (not mascots, those are humans dressed as animals and that's just creepy).  A puppet is a special thing because you control its actions, yet act as if it's a separate person.  Why is Jeff Dunham so funny?  Because he convinces you that he's interacting with cloth and foam on his hand.

If I ever win the lottery and no longer have to work, I'd love to travel from stadium to stadium and meet these dislocated Tiger fans who come out to see the Tigers even though they no longer live in Michigan.  I would probably get to meet a lot of sweet A people that way, including Mr. Tigerman.

The bullpen

Sister Tigress and I made the trip today to Comerica for not only player photo day, but an added bonus was getting my first experience sitting behind the Tigers bullpen and getting to see Alvarez make his major league debut.  The whole day was an experience and a half.  Buckle your seat belts kids, and take a seat on the Tigress train.

The tickets that we purchased were in section 148, row A.  With our seats came a parking pass that was not labeled very clearly.  After several attempts (props to the Tigers parking staff for continuing to direct a lost Tigress to the correct location), we ended up parking in the same garage that the Tigers themselves park in.  After a walk down a flight of stairs, boom, we ended up right at the beer hall.  Unfortunately, I was not able to steal a cereal bowl from a small child.  Earlier in the week, Sister Tigress and I hypothesized that we could get a bowl easy because the small children don't 1. wear the bowls or 2. play with the bowls.  Personally, that sounds like a challenge to me and I can both wear and play with a bowl if given the chance.

We immediately got on the field and were one deep for the fan photos.  Although we didn't get any pictures WITH the players, we got some good ones OF the players.  First up was Mini Miggy giving some good face.

Vmart was traveling with him, and they kind of seem like buddies.

The coaches came by next.  Here are the things I shouted at each coach:
To Lamont, I shouted, "Gene, I love you in the dugout!"

To Jeff Jones (Unibrow), I shouted, "Jeff, awesome pitching staff this year.  Keep it up"!  He laughed at me.

To Smokes, all I could shout was, "Smokes!  Jimmy Smokes!"  I get a little tongue tied sometimes...

I even got a semi-picture with Smokes.  By that I mean, Smokes was in the background of my picture and was vaguely aware that I was the one that just kept yelling at people.

If there was one guy who was loving some fan photo day, it was Brayan Pena.  He just seems to be loving his place with the Tigers and we could use more people like him.  Pena was kissing babies, giving high fives, and hugging just about everyone.

Someone who was a little out of his element, was Luke Putkonen.  He was walking around with Debbie Downer and wasn't really approaching people like the other players.  Some people are just more shy, or think they are better than other people.  The jury is out on Luke.

After that, we headed to our seats.  These were some sweet A seats.  We had a direct line of sight into the bullpen.  It was like peeking into the secret world of relief pitchers, or the Real Throwing Arms of Detroit.  As the players walked out to the bullpen to sit, I said hi to several players (again, can't shut up).  Here's the key when talking to players, use their first names and know something about them.  Also, be a woman (winky face).

First up was Papa Potato.  He was walking by and I kept shouting "Potato!"  He turned and waved to me.  I think Potato likes his new nickname.  Then, Benoit walked by and he gave me the hand wave.

When Coke walked by, he tipped his cap to me.  He must think he's a gentleman.  Cokie is also quite the jokester.  He was hassling Suckburn out in left field.  Speaking of which, I predicted that Suckburn would be out in left and I would get to shout "Raburn!" every chance I got!  Don't worry Detroit, I did my civic duty and heckled Suckburn and let him know what we think of him.  You're welcome.

Alvarez had a great first game getting the win.  It was kind of heart warming because Smokes came up to him before the game to give him a little pep talk.  Here's how I imagine it going down:
Smokes: Hi kid, how you feeling?
Alvarez: Good, good.
Smokes: This is a big moment for you.  Something you are always going to remember.  Thirty years from now, you'll be telling your grandkids about the day you started your first MLB game.
Alvarez: Yup, yup.
Smokes: You can either make it great or make it mediocre.  Let's make it great!  Don't shit the bed.
Alvarez: Yes, yes sir.

All in all, it was a great game.  Today's Shout Out is a little unique.  I've talked before about how being a bullpen catcher is a dream job.  You do minimal work and get all the glory of hanging out with the players.  The Shout Out goes to bullpen catcher Jeff Kunkel.  Not only does he do a great job warming up the pitchers and supervising the general bullpen area, but today he made a guy's day.  In the section next to us, there was a man in his mid 20s with a developmental disability.  He had a ball and a Sharpie, and he asked Kunkel to sign his ball for him.  Now, any normal bullpen catcher could have done one of two things.  1.  Ignore him, or 2. sign the ball knowing that he doesn't really know who you are.  Instead, Kunkel took the ball into the bullpen and had 5 or 6 relief pitchers sign the ball for him.  I've never seen someone so excited.  He kept recapping it for everyone around him and talking about how excited he was.  He made that guy's day, and we here at the Tigress love people who go out of their way to make others happy.  Go Kunkel!

To cap off our day, we saw a very special person as we were exiting the Tigers' garage.  I looked up and saw the Master Brow himself!  Slick Davey.  I just pointed and barely got a word out.  Sister Tigress shouted, "Great job putting together this team!  Great game, Dave."  He gave us the wave.  Then, I finally gathered my composure long enough to shout, "Extend Miggy's contract!"  He gave a head nod.  I take that as a good sign.  Just doing my job as a fan.
Of course, Donnie Kelly saves the day and gets a three run home run, which is better than any Suckburn solo home run any day.  Tigers take the sweep, fun had by all, and memories made.

90s sports movies

Summer is almost here, which means two things: 1.  More time to fill your brains with useless Tigress dribble, and 2. Living the dream.  Sunday Sister Tigress and I are going to the photo day at Comerica, which is going to be all kinds of awesome.

To get in the mood for summer, I watched the 90s classic, Ladybugs, yesterday starring the somehow famous Rodney Dangerfield.  It got me thinking, what are the best sports movies geared towards children that were made in the 90s (I know that you are also dying to know since it's a very specific genre).  For your viewing pleasure:

5. Little Giants (1994)- It's the classic story of a tomboy who wants to get the attention of a boy (not just any boy, but 90s heart throb Devon Sawa!)  What really caps off the movie though is a special guest appearance from some of our favorite football heroes, including John Madden (with pen and all!), Emmitt Smith, and some other guys that aren't as important as these two.  The lesson all babies of the 90s learned?  Never mess with your younger sibling (winky face).

4. Angels in the Outfield (1994)- If this movie brought nothing else, it brought the random person in the outfield who stands up and flaps his arms during the game.  Not only is Joseph Gordon-Levitt the star (he's Robin now, kids!) but Tony Danza plays a down-on-his-luck pitcher.  The casting office must have been pretty desperate.  Nothing tugs at your heart strings more than orphans who can see dead people.  It's kind of like the Sixth Sense but with less blood and puke.  I did keep waiting for Bruce Willis to show up though.

3.  Rookie of the Year (1993)- Gosh Henry, you could play for the Cubs!  The exclamation that started a sensation.  90s kids sports movies were never based in logic.  The fact is that a 12 year old would never play professional baseball.  It didn't matter, we all believed that Henry's freakish accident actually made him qualified to pitch for a National League team (couldn't pick an AL team where he would never have to bat.  Oh, no, that's too easy).  How many people tried to recreate the baseball slip in order to get great arm strength.  It's ok, me too.  Full of great sound bites, it's a summer classic and a must watch before you head to Wrigley.

2.  Mighty Ducks (1992)- It's not worth winning, if you can't win big.  Words to live by really, until Gordon Bombay learns the ultimate lesson about team work and fair play (cue the violins).  Except for the fact that he was pretty insistent on getting Banks on the team, that didn't seem like the best sportsmanship.  I guess as a preteen, you are supposed to over look that.  Mighty Ducks produced a generation of kids that quacked at authority figures and thought the flying V was a legitimate hockey move (I've been told that it's easy to break up defensively.  Thanks for getting my hopes up Bombay).  Best part of Mighty Ducks, even if you think you're coach was a jerk, he's nothing compared to Riley.  "You're not even a has-been, you're a never-was (pops collar)."

1.  Space Jam (1996)- It's the best because no other sports movie brought back a beloved sports star to the sport he was actually good at.  Michael was smart enough to make fun of his experience as a baseball player and get in on the joke instead of just being the butt.  The technology of the 90s was a little crass, but it was magical to see cartoon characters and people interact (ala Who Framed Roger Rabbit or DJ Scat Cat). This movie had everything, including an amazing soundtrack.  They don't make them like this anymore kids.

On the rare day that the Tigers have an off day, instead of channel surfing, grab one of these classics and dip into the nostalgia.  Trust me, they are better than Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch.

Ohio

Anytime the Tigers are doing well, everyone seems to enjoy the celebrating.  When the Tigers continually lose in extra inning games or in the ninth (looking at you Papa), it's, "Oh Tigress, what's going on with your Tigers?"

I'll gladly take them as my Tigers and you should too.  Don't abandon ship now, friends!  There's a little rough patch, but I have hope.  The Tiger pitchers are lighting it up (They have an average of 9.85 strikeouts per nine innings this season, which leads both leagues.  Surprisingly, they have more strikeouts on the road and 11.47 on average over the past three games).  The bats need to heat up a little, but I'm not too concerned.  The Tigers have some great hitters on their team and just hit three home runs off Baltimore in the fourth inning (VMart, Soft J, and Avila...not even the bash brothers, although Cabby just hit a grand salami so he didn't want to be shown up).

So don't lose hope, Tiger faithful.  Tigers are still atop the AL Central (we are sharing the spot with Cleveland only because we feel sorry for them).  Rod even called Tuiasosopo "Tuey" today, which means he's reading the blogs.  Go Rod.

While we are talking about Ohio, have you heard their new tourism campaign?  "Too much fun for just one day."  Baloney.  Don't try and tell me that Ohio is friendly because "hi" is in their name either.  Ohio is trying to replicate the success of the Pure Michigan campaign (which are wonderful except for the one about Flint.  Really, Tim Allen, you are trying to draw people to Flint?  I thought we were trying to attract people, not scare them away).  Ohio will always be the armpit to Michigan's hand, down river and just slightly smellier.  Can't fool me!  At Polish American night at Comerica, we met a nice-enough couple from Ohio who told us that if we ever find ourselves in Cleveland for a game, we should check out this great little Polish restaurant (Sokolowskis I believe).  Sorry folks, it's rare I find myself in Ohio unless I've been forcibly dragged or am passing through trying to get to a better state.  If I ever "find myself" in Cleveland, there's only one thing I'll be looking for, and that's a way back up north.