Pep talk

Tigers are 34-35, which means the elusive .500 is only one win away.  The starting pitcher who could lead us to victory?  Dougie Fresh.  So, to get him psyched to get the job done, I've decided to give him a little pep talk.

Tigress:  Hi Dougie.  Can I ask you a question?
Dougie: No, I will not teach you how to Dougie.  Please stop asking me.
Tigress: No no, that's not what I was going to ask.  Do you have what it takes to get the W tonight?
Dougie:  Well, I'm not sure.  I'm still a little tentative since being on the DL twice this season and people are pretty hungry for .500.  I'm nervous.
Tigress: Oh Dougie, you silly neener head.  Don't be nervous!  You are DOUG WILDES FISTER.  Even though you are only 1-3 this year, you've had some very productive starts.  Take last start versus the Rockies.  Six innings, only 3 hits, one walk, and six strikeouts.  Not only that, you looked awesome doing it.
Dougie: You have a point there.
Tigress: Plus, the Tiger bats have actually woken up and the boys have a little FIRE in them.  I mean, how can you not get excited watching Tigerberry get the walk off hit the other day. 
Dougie: Ya, that guy is crazy.
Tigress: His energy is infectious!  So, what do you say Dougie Fresh, are you ready for some "lights out, Doug Fister quality pitching" worthy of your current 2.68 ERA?
Dougie: Ya, I'm ready.  Thanks for the pep talk.  Also, you look very angelic today.
Tigress: Oh Dougie, stop flirting.  Ok, let's go to!

Dream Job

Sister Tigress made the following Facebook post today:

while I enjoy summer, I'm glad my occupation is not "mascot for a professional outdoor sporting team" because that would suck today

This got me thinking about my dream job, which I've thought about before this day.  No, it's not being a mascot.  It's being a bullpen catcher.  Is there anything as sweet as being a bullpen catcher?  Little to no responsibility, get to travel the states, get to hang out with the team, work for 3-4 hours each day.  Sign me up!  Of course, professional blogger is probably more in my talent realm, but no one said you had to be talented to be a bullpen catcher.

Go Tigs!  Beat the Cards.  I'd gladly be the bullpen catcher for Ricky P any day of the week.

Game face

Get your game face on Tigers.  Tigs are playing St. Louis, who the Tigers are notoriously terrible against.  Tigers are only 2.5 games behind the White Sox and have actually been taking series.  So, to get ready for this series versus the Cardinals, here are some Tigers showing their best game faces.

First up, JV, who is pitching today.

 How about Dougie Fresh, the fresh stands for "fresh off the DL."

Next is Jacob Turner who is pitching on Thursday against the Birds.

AJacks has some serious game face on now from the lead off position.  This is his GQ game face.

Jhonny is really in game mode.

And last but not least, Smokes himself.  He borrowed some sunglasses from Santiago.

Hopefully Smokes got some tips from his old buddy Tony.

My Not FSN Reporter

I think it's clear that I have an affinity for Rario.  They are a great broadcasting duo.  For every bit that Rod is ridiculous, Mario is there to balance him out with his sensibility.  Then, when Mario is feeling goofy, Rod just laughs and acts like the one with his wits about him.

The FSN Detroit group in general is pretty solid.  Ryan Field delivers some interesting on field reporting, Trevor Thompson quoted Anchorman during his warm ups, and John Keating is THE man.  There's only one weak link.  The Suckburn of the FSN Detroit group if you will.  That person is Shannon Hogan.

In general, she talks too loud, but it's not really her fault the quality of stuff she's given to report on.  However, her overall delivery and enthusiasm for strange things is what's really troublesome.  On Friday night, Shannon was assigned the task of peeking in on a guy who was proposing to his girlfriend.  This isn't the first time this has ever happened in the history of sports.  It happens more frequently than it should actually (I can't imagine anything less romantic than getting engaged in front of 40,000 people, but hey to each his own).  Shannon was FAR too excited about the whole ordeal though.  She said something to the effect of, "Ever since I started working here 5 years ago, I've waited for this moment."  Really?  Not a World Series win?  Not a walk off home run in the 9th to win an ALCS?  Nope.  A proposal.  In fact, Shannon tried to get two other people to get engaged earlier in the year and made it awkward sandwich for the poor couple that had only been dating for 2 years.  Don't force this on people Shannon! 

It's this that makes Shannon My Not FSN Reporter.  Although maybe now that she's seen a proposal, she'll stop freaking out.

Go Tigers, take the series today!

Rario's Sponsor

Everything in sports now is sponsored by something.  Comerica Park.  AT&T Trivia question.  Miller Lite Cold Blast.  Bell Tire Pitch by Pitch.  If you're a devote reader, you already know about JV's commercial ventures and if you watch even one Tiger game on FSN, you already know that Rod has done a couple Ace Hardware commercials.  But so far, no one has come forward to sponsor the broadcasting team of Rario.  Well, I have a suggestion.  Last night while falling asleep to the Dan Patrick Show, I saw an infomercial for SlimT.

Basically, it's a girdle (or spanx) for men.  I mean, women have been doing this for hundreds of years, so really it's about time.  I also wasn't surprised that I hadn't seen this infomercial until I was watching late night sports TV.  I definitely never saw this commercial on the Hallmark Channel.

I will just put this little disclaimer.  Don't give up guys!  Keep doing those sit ups!  However, since women do the same thing, I guess I can't complain.  Just be aware that at some point, your clothes will come off in front of the ladies.  Just saying.  It'd be creepy to keep the SlimT on all the time.

If you haven't put two and two together by now, let me do the math for you.  SlimT is the natural sponsor for Rario.  They are OBSESSED with their weight and what they eat.  In fact, I feel like they could incorporate it right into the broadcast.  For example:

Mario: And a pop up to the 2nd baseman and Raburn is retired.
Rod: I see another trip down I75 in his future.
Mario: Right you are.  You know, Toledo has a really delicious restaurant with authentic Ohio food.
Rod: Really?!  I'll have to hit that up with my Road Dawg the next time we are down there.
Mario:  I could go.
Rod: No no, John Keating is the man.
Mario: Good point. Well, I do have something you and Keating could use after that Ohio soul food meal.
Rod: What's that partner?
Mario: It's the SlimT, for looking good when you don't have time to hit the gym like you should.  Guaranteed to drop two pants sizes, instantly!  Who doesn't need that?
Rod: Tom Brookens.  That man is fit.
Mario: No doubt.  In fact, I think I'll go online and order one now.
Rod: Oh I'm already wearing one.
Mario: You are?
Rod: Without question.  Take a look.

Mario: Looking good.
Rod: Oh for sure.  SlimT, man up and get one.  And now let's throw it back to the Call Sam Studios to check out C-Mo in his SlimT.


Now that's a piece of cheese.

Summertime

Summer, summer, summertime

time to sit back and unwind



Here it is the groove, Thursday afternoon

The best month of the year, June!

Just a little somethin' to break the monotony

No more school and you’ve got to be

jealous of me, just a little bit

My life is the dream and I’m living it.

Give me a Tiger game, a beer

and Dougie Fresh, he’s My Tiger, so dear

and think of the seasons of the past

Adjust the dial  and let Rario’s voice blast.

Pop open a beer, slice up a lime

and put on my Tiger shirt and lay back cause this is summertime.

Now that's it's summer break too, Raburn is back on the Tigers and has already got an RBI and then got out on a stupid running error.  Typical.  Plan next year Smokes, keep him at home until the kiddies get out of school!  Now if Dougie Fresh can just get healthy!

Bboesch: Campaign for Lead Tiger

Bboesch is officially throwing his name into the ring for the Lead Tiger role (team captain if you will).  He's trying to impress all the fans in Wrigleyville by putting on a clinic in both hitting and fielding (ya right).  Surprisingly, I couldn't find a picture of Bboesch's amazing, diving catch, but I could find a picture of him bobbling a ball earlier in the game.

The hilarious thing about his diving catch was that he stayed on the ground for a full minute.  Bboesch was soaking it in.  I'm sure he was thinking, "So this is what AJacks feels like when he makes an amazing catch!"

Bboesch's real skills lay in his hitting abilities.  He's finally getting "warmed up" as Sister Tigress would say.  After his dinger, Bboesch was so excited that he tried to make up his own little handshake with Cabby and become part of the Bash Brothers.  Kind of like when Kenny Wu became the third Bash Brother (Wu Wu Wu, Kenny Wu).  Pictorial evidence below:

BBoesch: (internal dialogue)- Man I am so cool!  I'm in.  Wu Wu WU!
Cabby: (internal dialogue)- What's this kid doing?

My advice to Bboesch, don't try and join the Bash Brothers.  Make your own posse.  Tigerberry is DYING to be part of a posse too.  You guys could be the three amigos (AJacks has to agree), or the three Tigerteers, or Jem and the Holograms (just throwing that one out there).

All while this was happening, Soft J was quietly putting together a nice game as well.  He was 3-4 with a double and triple!  He's not flashy though.  He's more of a silent leader.

I'm so glad he was able to put together a good game after his AWFUL fielding day yesterday.  If these two boys can stay hot, the Tigers can only do great things.