Lefty loosey

The Braves are one of the hottest teams in baseball, coming into Detroit with a 15-6 record and Justin Upton who has 12 home runs and had hit a home run in every ball park he played at...which is just bananas.  So when the Tigers swept them like the kitchen floor dirt, you know the Tigers mean business this season.  Tigers pitching is so hot that even Valverde got a save (alert the media!).  That doesn't mean I'm jumping on the Papa Potato train, though.  It will take much more than that to win my heart.  I rarely like closers, just ask my nemesis Todd Jones.

What I'm really excited about are the boys out in left field.  Tuiasosopo played all three games versus Atlanta and had four hits and 5 RBIs for the series.  By the by, his new nickname is Tuey, like rhymes with Huey, Dewey, and Louie.  You've made it kid!  A nickname from the Tigress is like being knighted by the queen.  It means you've truly arrived.  Dirty Dirks is also tearing it up lately.  He was 2-3 last night with a home run and a bunt single.  Not many people can do both in one game.  They are at opposite ends of the power spectrum.  He was also effective in the number 2 spot while Hunter had the night off.  Good to know he can be a back up.  If I know Smokes (and trust me, I know him like he's the overemotional grandfather I never had), he likes to have options for every spot of the lineup.  I like how Smokes is playing them when they are hot too.  It's easy to be good for three games, it's more difficult to be hot for 162.  Let's keep the dynamic duo going in left.

I need to just acknowledge how good the Bash Brothers are.  Cabby and The Prince are ridiculous right now.  Ridic!  Legit ridic.  In fact, I needed new adjectives so I consulted Urban Dictionary.  They are ridiculosity.  Their arms are so swoll.  They are money sandwich with a side of horsey sauce.  I heard they wash it down with clutcherade.

On a side note, if you have a request for a post, get them in now!  Summer is quickly approaching and we all know that's when the dream living starts.  First on the request list, a NOT list.  That's right, all the ugly mugs in baseball exposed.  I'm looking at your Hunter Pence.  They are faces only mothers can tolerate.

K King

When the words "Detroit pitcher" and "strikeouts" are mentioned in the same sentence, it's usually referring to  D-Town's own strikeout kings, SchEYEzer and Verdiggity, who were among the strikeout leaders for the AL last year.  Even Dougie Fresh made his own history with nine consecutive strikeouts last year.  And while Sanchez has always been an effective pitcher with one no hitter and other close calls, he's never been known for his ability to strike people out.

Well, that's changed now.  17 strikeouts in 8 innings and only 5 hits.  He got a new Tiger record and eclipsed Mickey Lolitch (who is so hard core, he had 16 strikeouts on two occasions).   Other teams should be afraid of this starting lineup.  They are dominate, and now we know it doesn't matter what league we play against.  The only shaky spot is who is pitching today...Ricky P.

Ricky, redemption is on the lunch menu, friend.  This is your time to shine and prove you belong with the big dogs.  Thanks to Sanchez, those dogs just got even bigger.

Last year, Ricky P's personal catcher was G$, who just so happens to play for the Braves.  So here's my proposition.  We do a little switcheroo for the day and get G$ behind the plate for one more game to help Ricky get his mo-jo back.  I heard the number 15 is even available for his use.

While G$ is in town, here are some of the sites he will be hitting.

1. The giant bobble heads of Cabrera and Verdiggity.  In fact, I think he's planning a master prank to play on the life size version of JV.

2. His yearly ride on the people mover.  Every once in a while, he raises his hands and yells "Weeeeee!"

3. Of course G$ is invited by Detroit's own Mr. Congeniality, Donnie Kelly, for a quiet dinner at his pad.  There's sure to be some home cooking and a tall glass of...milk.

4. And lastly, he's sure to visit his old locker spot to see if the huge wad of gum from game 4 of the ALCS is still stuck behind his coat hook.  I bet it is.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

BREAKING: The Tigers have signed RHP Jose Valverde to a one-year deal. He will be with the club tomorrow in Detroit.


No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.  Here's how I feel in emoticons >:c

Here's how I feel in song (cue Annie Lennox)  WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY WHY?!

Here's how I feel in scary story: It was a dark and stormy night as Mr. Tiger and I sat in our car parked on an abandoned road.  Suddenly, I heard a scratching on the door just as the radio announcer told about a mass murderer with a hook as a hand.  When we got home, I found Papa Potato's hand hanging off my car door.

I feel so much frustration right now that I took a bag of red skin potatoes off the top of my fridge, I boiled them, then I smashed those suckers.  All because of what their Papa did.  All potatoes will pay for this!  Heads, chips, pancakes, you name it!

I'm going to have to give myself a day to cool off.

The case

Yesterday was not a good day for Tiger baseball.  Everything was going Anaheim's way in the first including little, dinky hits that were somehow turning into runs.  There should be a rule about when a pitcher gives up 9 runs in one inning.  The media shouldn't be allowed to keep showing the pitcher when he's obviously had a bad game.

This game was the perfect way to breach the subject for The Case.  The Case being for Smyly to be in the starting rotation and not Ricky P.  Nothing against Ricky P, he's a good pitcher.  He's stats for April over the years are dismal.  His first couple innings are usually rough.  Smyly is much more consistent and a lefty!  He came into the game in the first inning and didn't allow any runs for almost six innings.  He only gave up for hits, compared to Ricky's 9.  Even if Smyly was in the starting rotation for the first two months of the season, then Ricky P can give it a try.  I will give him a little slack though since he hasn't started since April 10th and has been in the bullpen this whole road trip.

JV approves

All Smokes and Master Brow have to do is think it over.  I think I make a pretty good case though.

Rario

Everyone likes cake

Recently, I got married.  That's right, I'm not Miss Detroit Tigress.  Represent.  If you are curious, it was a wonderful day and a wonderful honeymoon spent in Iceland.  He's the ying to my yang.  When I get all crazy about how the Tigers never score for JV, he's calm.  When he starts to yell when Miggy hits a homer, I tell him to simmer.  That's what a couple is, people.

We had a close friend marry us, and during the ceremony he made an awesome Tigers reference.  How could he not?  If you marry the Tigress, you must have some reference to the Tigers.  What he said was, Mr. and Mrs. Tigress resemble another well known Tiger duo.  Rod and Mario.  For your reference, I'm Mario in this analogy.  I'm the sensible one that calms people down and is more rational.  Mr. Tigress is Rod, the crazy one who needs to be reined in every once in a while.  That's why Rario works and that's why Mr. and Mrs. Tigress work.

For the record, I called the road trip as 6 out of 9.  So far, they've one 4 out of 6.  We should be set if we can take two off the Angels.  Especially considering the sweet, 14 inning, 20 strikeout win the boys had last night.

In-gee

If any of you Tiger faithful are curious about where dear old In-gee has gone, look no further than Smokes' former team...the Pirates.  He's currently in Triple A Indianapolis.  Faithful Toledo fans have already seen In-gee around.  In fact, Indianapolis just happened to play the Toledo Mud Hens yesterday.  An overzealous fan (or maybe just a fan trying to get retribution for all the years he wasted supporting In-gee with little to no pay out) was heckling In-gee and then started throwing peanuts at him.

Now, In-gee is no longer My Tiger, but he was a member of the team for years and had some ups thrown in with his downs.  There are few people I would deem worthy of getting a face full of nuts...peanuts that is.  In fact, sports are supposed to be an outlet for people to enjoy themselves and get a small release from their daily lives.  They are meant to unite people from the same geographic region.  They are not meant for pelting people in the face with food.  This guy is probably the same person swearing at the referee at his five year old's soccer game.  Calm down, dude.  You are ruining this for everyone.

Love that Dougie Fresh got the W last night at his old stomping ground.  One thing is for sure, showing up your former team is always acceptable.

Numbers and Vowels

Today marks the first day I'm sitting down to enjoy a full Tiger game. I know, I'm behind in the world. Here are some wonderings:

I noticed that Torii Hunter was wearing a familiar looking number as he strutted around the bases. Further investigation proves that he is wearing 48, Ricky P's old number. Hunter offered to buy the number from Ricky but instead Ricky had Hunter donate to the victims of hurricane Sandy. Be still your beating hearts ladies.

Hold on, there are two guys on the team named Brayan? You mean two sets of adults did that to their children? Banana sandwich.  What's with the extra vowels in there?  I'm convinced his name is not pronounced Brian, but Bray-an.  That shall be your name, sirs.

But the person who takes the Oscar for most ridiculous amount of vowels is Matt Tuiasosopo.  Obviously, this name sounds familiar, not only because it's so fun to say, but because his cousin, Ronaiah, is possibly the most famous "catfisher".  Now, that's one crazy family.  If your opening line of introducing yourself is, yes, I'm related to THAT Tuiasosopo, then things aren't looking good in the lady department.  I gotta think that it works against him with the ladies, because really, who wants that jerk in your extended family.  Maybe Sosopo should hang out with Ricky P and come up with some sweet pick up lines.  I suggest that they both lead with something about donating to charity in exchange for jersey numbers.

Prediction

If you recall (or scroll down), I predicted that the Tigers would take two from the Blue Jays.  With today's blow out, my prediction was correct!  Stop the presses because it won't happen again probably.  Miggy got his first triple since 2010 and stole a base!  It's the end of times people.  Or, it's a sign of a great season to come?  You decide.

In completely unrelated news, Kate Upton and Justin Verlander are no longer dating!  I guess this happened two months ago, but it slipped right under my radar.  I have to say this is the best thing to happen to the season so far.  What we need is JV focused, not running around with some model who thinks a swimsuit is some underwear and a unzipped winter jacket.  Or tiny scraps of fabric held together by string.  For real.

Tigers are on a west coast road trip, which means two things.  1. The games at 3 are easily watched after work.  2. The games at 10 are so far beyond my bed time that I have a better chance of dreaming of a Tiger victory than actually watching the games.  I say the Tigers take 6 out of the 9 road games in the series (let's see if I can keep the streak alive).

Sandlot anniversary

Believe it or not, but this year marks the 20th anniversary of the great American baseball movie, The Sandlot.  The movie has been defining how kids grow up and appreciate baseball for a generation and I'd like to take time to pay tribute to a movie I've seen more times than I can count and quote regularly.  Here are some of my favorite quotes from the movie:

Babe Ruth (or Baby Ruth): Remember kid, there's heroes and there's legends. Heroes get remembered but legends never die, follow your heart kid, and you'll never go wrong. (Classic line from a baseball legend confused as some lady)

Ham: You're killing me Smalls! These are s'more's stuff! Ok, pay attention. First you take the graham, you stick the chocolate on the graham. Then you roast the 'mallow. When the 'mallows flaming... you stick it on the chocolate. Then cover with the other end. Then you scarf. Kind of messy, but good! Try some!  (The first part of this quote is my favorite, but I've often taught people how to make the smore using this exact quote)

Phillips: You bob for apples in the toilet! And you like it!
Ham: You play ball like a girl!!!!!  (classy)

Ham: You know, if my dog was as ugly as you. I'd shave his butt and tell him to walk backwards. (Gotta love the catcher smack talk.  Almost as good as when Crash tips people off in Bull Durham)

Smalls:  Oh yeah, the Great Bambino. Of course! I thought you said the Great Bambi.  (Come on, you've been there.  You have no idea what someone is talking about but you pretend to anyway)

Squints: Come on, Benny. Man. The kid is an L 7 weenie!
Yeah Yeah: Yeah. Yeah. Oscar Meyer even.  footlong, dodger dog, a weenie!
Bennie:  What are you laughing at Yeah Yeah? you run like a duck! (no one wants to be an L 7 weenie, but I'd rather be that then run like a duck)

Smalls: I don't know. Some lady gave it to him. She even signed her name on it. Some lady named... Ruth. Baby Ruth. (You're killing me Smalls!)

Squints: For-ev-ver! For-ev-ver! For-ev-ver! For-ev-ver! (How does one word become so iconic?)

Squints (after kissing Wendy Peffercorn):  Of course I did. been planning it for years.  (He's only 11, how does he plan that for years?)

Did I miss any of your favorites?  Why don't we all ride the Tilt a Whirl this summer and reminisce about one of the greatest baseball movies ever.

One week in

Tigress true,

I'm sure you've been wondering where I've been and what I've been up to.  I mean, the season started with no fanfare from the Tigress and I know you were all feeling a small hole in your lives.  Fear not, I'm back and ready for spring and Tiger baseball.  One week in, and the Tigers are sitting at .500 at 3-3.  The team is still getting their rhythm and the Tigs managed to take 2 from the Yankees.  I'm confident that the team will grow as the spring goes on.  I only got to listen to the game briefly today, so I'll have to give it the week to see for myself how the Tigers are doing.

A word of advice to all my readers without a Tiger, you are allowed to wait a few weeks to pick one.  Don't be too hasty in your decision.  It's a big deal, folks.  Squeeze a couple of those cantaloupes before you pick the right one.

Blue Jays are next and I think the Tigers will take two from them.  Tomorrow is Michigan versus Louisville for NCAA.  With basketball finally done, we will all be able to concentrate fully on baseball.  Unlike most of America according to a poll that a devoted Tigress reader sent me.

Don't be Indiana people.