Santa read my list

How does Santa always know?  He knew that Brother Tiger asked for a blow dryer (so did Dirty Dirks, they have that in common I suppose).  He also knew that I asked for obscure Tiger swag.  Only Santa had help from Brother Tiger who gave me this gem:

Obviously, my face lit up like the Hanukkah menorah.  Where did he find it?  No idea.  Did he have to pay for it with his soul?  Probably.  Doesn't matter.  It's mine now!  Right now it's sitting in my front room on the side table, but it might need a shelf of honor somewhere.  Hopefully your Christmas was as spectacular as mine.

Santa's List

I'm currently staring straight ahead at two full weeks of freedom.  It's the best Christmas gift a Tigress could possibly get.  Thinking about my Christmas good fortune got me thinking about what's on the wish lists of our favorite Tiger players.  Luckily, I'm in with the big man and he gave me a sneak peek.

Verdiggity- That elusive "perfect game" that he's fantasized about in commercials.   I'm thinking Santa has already been pretty generous with two no hitters, but my philosophy at Christmas is to dream big.

Dougie Fresh- New dancing shoes and for the doorways of Detroit to be raised by six inches to accommodate people of all heights.

Ricky P- A new wing man since G$ has moved down to Hotlanta.  Preferably someone with as much game as G$ and the same ability to bring in the ladies.

SchEYEzer- He already has the perfect pair of goggles for when celebrations come around, now he just needs sunglasses that match.

Sanchez- A new home in Detroit since he's here for five years.  I'm going to guess he goes with a suburb like Bloomington Hills, but maybe he's a city boy at heart.  There are many buildings in Detroit just waiting for renovation, Anibal.

Dirty Dirks- A haircut.  Oh no, that's my wish list.  He actually wants a turtleneck with an "extra wide" neck for those chilly Detroit evenings.

Avila- Double knee replacement surgery.  He is also requesting catching equipment with more cushion.  He can't handle another run into the Prince.

Donnie Kelly, Ryan Suckburn, and Delmon Young- A return back to their favorite team, the Tigers.  Sorry boys, not going to happen.

Cabby- A trophy room.  At the pace he is going, he's going to need more room in his house for all his bling.  Also, good news!  Cabby is on the "nice" list this year.  Big improvement from last year!

Tigerberry- 100 brand new batting gloves.  He's going to pull a Willie Mays Hayes next year and tack them up on his wall for every steal.

AJacks- The love and affection of every Tiger fan that was previously given to Granderson.  Come on people. Curtis has been gone for years.  It's time to start giving that love to AJacks, he deserves it.

Smokes- NicoDerm CQ and Nicorette

Mike Illitch- A World Series championship.  Maybe this year Illy.

Grown up Christmas list

Dear Santa,

It's the Tigress writing you again this year.  First with the formalities.  How was your year?  Did Donner do well on Atkins?  Hopefully he'll be able to get off the ground this year and you won't have to pinch hit for him like last year.  How is your wife?  I like to her imagine her like the Mrs. Claus from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer shouting, "Eat, Papa, eat!"  Nothing brings me more joy.

Now that we've got that over with, on to the really important things.  My Christmas list!  I've been extra good this year and decided to do a 12 Days of Christmas-type list.  No birds for me though.  I think we can come up with some better alternatives.  Rather than counting down twelve times over, we'll just start with the twelfth and work our way down.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Santa gave to me:

12 Max SchEYEzer strikeouts (all in one game)

11 Austin Jackson triples

10 bullpen pitchers (not as many fat or unreliable ones this year Santa, we have standards)

9 scoreless innings

8 Avila put outs

7 uninterrupted months of Tiger baseball

6 Dougie Fresh interviews

5 starting pitchersssssssssssssssssssssssss!

4 infielders

3 outfielders

2 Verlander no hitters

and a World Series victory!

So, if it's not too much trouble, Santa, I'd like the aforementioned items for this coming 2013 season.  Shouldn't be too difficult given the stacked lineup of the Tigers.  I'm pinning all of my hopes on you, fat man.  No pressure!

Drive safe next week, and for goodness sake, watch out for deer.  Not your deer, of course, the non magical type.

Love, The Tigress

Smart move, worst news

Winter meetings are in full swing and the Master Brow is continuing to strengthen the Tigers' pitching and lineup.  Today's move of signing Sanchez to a five year deal was a fabulous move.  The four returning starting pitchers dominated teams in the playoffs (with little help from the offense).  Sanchez was a welcome addition to the starting lineup, especially after he figured out American League batters.  So, Master Brow, smart move.

Honestly though, it's hard for me to get excited about anything today.  Only 10 days until Christmas should be the most exciting time for small children around the country, so I can't imagine what the families of Newtown, Connecticut are going through.  As an employee of an elementary school, I pride myself on being able to provide the one stable environment in a child's life.  The one place where they know they will be loved, cared for, and able to learn and grow.  The right, that feeling, was taken away from the small children in Newtown and too much tragedy and anxiety was thrust upon these small minds.  I can't begin to fathom the feeling of inadequacy and helplessness the employees and parents of these children feel.  Although I'm a spiritual person, I don't often request others to pray or think of others.  I've always been of the mindset that it's your choice to turn your energy where you see fit.  However, if you'll indulge me, just take a minute to send some positive energy, thought, prayers (whatever) to the families of Newtown.  The small children and their families need all the support they can get as they wake up tomorrow with the consequences of one person's actions today.

Until happier times, forever a Tigress and an educator.

Classic advertisements

Without baseball to watch, there are a lot of Christmas specials to keep me occupied.  During said specials, there's always some commercials that stand the test of time and even tug at my heart a little bit.  Here are some of my favorites:

The Runaway:  Little Lindsay wants to run away to McDonaldLand because she's "too little."  Don't worry Lindsay, I know just the person to convince you to not run away...a giant clown who just happens to be making a snowman in your neighborhood even though he claims to be from this McDonaldLand.  Don't worry though, Lindsay sees the error of her ways and decides she irreplaceable (just like Beyonce).

Hershey Jingle Bells: Nothing says Christmas like musical chocolate.  Simple, yet effective.  They still play it today for a reason.

Campbell's Snowman: Every kid knows the feeling of being outside in the snow so long that your cheeks turn a beautiful red and your toes are numb for hours.  The Campbell's snowman epitomizes this childhood memory and adds in an adorable kid to boot.  His face at the end is priceless.

Folger's Brother and Sister:  Gotta be honest about this one, I always cry.  Right when she puts the bow on her brother.  Old age is turning me into one big softie, just like Smokes.  I also like how Folger's is "real" coffee.  Maybe next time do some volunteer work in Columbia and see what real coffee is.

Coke Polar Bears:  There have been several Christmas Coke commercials with polar bears in them, but throw in some penguins and I can't resist!  Nothing brings species of animals together like a carbonated beverage!

Enjoy being persuaded to buy these products and many more this holiday season!

Hot corner move

Word got through the slow-moving winter news system today that Gene Lamont is no longer the 3rd base coach for the Tigers.  He's moved to "bench coach."  Brookens is taking over at 3rd and Rafael Belliard is taking over at 1st (which isn't nearly as important as any other coaching position but that's ok).  Here are the top 5 reasons for Lamont's move to "bench coach."

5.  Smokes and Lamont needed MORE time to talk.  It was too much of a hardship for Smokes to send Lamont out to third base every half inning.  Smokes hasn't heard every Lamont childhood story about how he overcame the hardship of living in Illinois and having to manage the White Sox in the 90s.

4.  Brookens' fine "bod" is best observed from 3rd base, where Leyland the other coaches can admire his dedication to fitness.  Brookens has an ass to be admired.

3.  Brookens and Belliard have become "bros" over the past couple years (cue the bromance).  They've developed a series of intricate hand gestures and signals that need to be tested out from across the diamond.  Only way to do that was to kick Lamont out of his base coaching duties.

2.  Lamont's reflexes have deteriorate over the years and he's no longer quick enough to avoid stray foul balls (this one is probably 100% accurate).

1.  And the number one reason is...Lamont's 50% safe percentage on runners he has sent home.  I'm not a statistician, but I'm going to venture a guess that Lamont's safe percentage is one of the worst in MLB.  It's common knowledge that Prince Fielder is the worst slider on the Tigers (something to work on in the off season, friend), and the tag out by Buster Posey during game 2 of the World Series was probably the final nail in the coffin.

Smokes, Dombrowski, whoever made the final call to move Lamont...it's about time!

Christmas shopping

December is a wonderful month.  There are so many Christmas songs, movies, and decorations to distract us from the lack of Tiger action.  There's just one terrible thing about December, trying to figure out the perfect gift for every person on your list.  Then, dealing with the crazy crowds, lines, and rude people in stores.  Fear not Tigress-true, we aim to serve.  Here are some ideas for everyone on your list!  No simple Tigers t-shirts here either.  Think outside the shirt!

Father Tiger: One year Brother Tiger took one of Father Tiger's tools and wrapped it up.  Father Tiger had no idea it was already his tool!  I'm pretty sure Brother Tiger got the idea from a Christmas special, but who cares?  Well played, Brother.  So, to keep all those re-gifted tools organized, give Father Tiger a Tiger tool belt.

Mother Tiger: You know those jewelry store commercials where the mother is always tickled to get a diamond bracelet or necklace for Christmas?   Well, those gifts are so 2011.  Get Mother Tiger something she'll actually wear!  Forget about expensive jewelry that can be worn once a year.  Get her a Tigers necklace that goes with yoga pants and a little black dress (OK, probably not a little black dress).

Brother Tiger:  If your brother is anything like mine, he's all about the fun.  Instead of being a responsible sibling who discourages any kind of shenanigans, let the fun roll!  Just be prepared with bail money if need be. Get Brother Tiger a Tigers beer pong table and tell him to invite you to the first house party.

Sister Tigress: Tangible presents are great, but sometimes nothing beats the experience of going to a game.  Tickets aren't on sale yet for the 2013 season, but write your Sister Tigress a little IOU and promise seats in the Terrace section against a rival team.  Even better, give her the IOU in this ticket holding book.  That way, she'll get to save her tickets and cherish the memories (awww, I'm so sentimental around the holidays).  That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.

Significant other Tiger or Tigress: Show your Honey Tiger (or Tigress) a little love this year by outfitting their most valuable asset.  Their bum of course!  Tiger underwear is the perfect way to say "When I look at your bum, I think of baseball."  Now that's love.

Happy shopping!