Part time baseball

This winter I was a part time employee.  Not by choice, but due to the weather phenomena known as Polar Vortex and Artic Blast.  There were 12 days that work was cancelled.  While I'll have to make up some of these days, it makes for a leisurely work schedule.  The Tigers pitchers are in a similar situation with their third game postponed with only a month of the season done.  Some of these players have forgotten how to throw a curve, scuff up the ball, or hide their pine tar effectively.  April is also a traditionally lightly scheduled month for the Tigers given the unpredictable Michigan weather (see above).  The Tigers have had nine days off, six scheduled, in 32 days.

Like many other Americans, having one part time just just won't pay the bills.  More than one job is necessary.  Here are some suggestions for how the pitchers can make an extra buck.

SchEYEzer- Max is good with numbers and since April is a slow month for baseball, the most obvious choice is accounting.  April is their busy time and they could always use another head around the office to help crunch numbers and fill out tax forms.  Plus, Tax Man is a great nickname.

Ricky P- Not just another pretty face, Ricky can put his good looks to work.  He's the guy dressed in the Uncle Sam costume outside of Max's tax company twirling a sign.  His arm strength from years of pitching is sure to be an asset to sign twirling.

Verlander- JV's greatest asset is his personality and past achievements.  The way to make easy cheddar is to do public appearances to promote all his favorite merchandise and goods.  Taco Bell, video games, cereal, even various casinos and fast food establishments.  If he really wants to please the crowd, he'll bring his lady friend with him.

Sanchez- Since Sanchez has been good for about half of each game he's pitched, he needs a job where a partner is encouraged.  He'd make a really good half of a tag team wrestling team.  Call WWE and see if Shawn Michaels is still wrestling.  The Heartbreak Kid and the Fastball Kid would be an unstoppable duo.  He'd even settle for Billy Gunn to become the New, New Age Outlaws.

Smyly- Since Smyly has yet to really become a "starting pitcher" due to weather, injuries, and other catastrophes, he's best farming himself out as a reliever to another MLB team.  I know it's his dream to be a Major League starting pitcher, but the reality is that he's a very good and effective reliever.  Why mess with something that works?  There's an old phrase, "Do what makes you happy" but what's most important is "Do what makes you money."  Pitching against one or two guys and then taking a seat the rest of the game sounds sweet to me.

Hopefully April showers (and snow and wind) will bring May doubleheaders.  I have a feeling there's a reason these guys play baseball to earn their living.  They probably wouldn't be very good at their other part time jobs.

Winter baseball

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

All over the state

Winter hooded players

Old space heaters

A little dusting shouldn't stop the game!

Seriously, Detroit got what is considered a normal spring snowfall on Tuesday and the game was cancelled.  Here's a sample of the tweets that show how baseball players have become soft over the years.

Ian Krol ‏@IanKrolTKB  22h

Snowball fight

With an inch of snow?! Dream on kid.

Drew Smyly ‏@SmylyD  21h

There is snow on the ground... And we are suppose to play a baseball game tonight

You can tell he's from Arkansas.

Rod Allen ‏@RodAllen12  Apr 15

Rookie mistake last night! Anybody have one of those snow scrapers? I don't own one. Lol #nexttimegarage pic.twitter.com/5r9kcS4eGE

Children born in Michigan are issued a snow scraper upon release from the hospital.  I'm sure they are included in the sale of every car.  How else did three end up in my trunk?  Asking everyone in the Twitter universe if they own a snow scraper is just asking for ridicule.

Joba Chamberlain ‏@Joba_44  Apr 15

Yep, it snowed pic.twitter.com/WzXKXd3Dm7

Seriously, you can still see pavement!  

Look, I get that many of these guys aren't from Michigan or anywhere north of the Mason Dixon, but you live in Michigan for about seven months out of the year.  Snow is possible in ten of the twelve months when you live in Michigan.  A snow scraper, ear muffs, hand warmers...these are essentials in the mitten state.  Strap on your Polanco hoods and lace up your cleat boots.  Spring means baseball!  I miss baseball.

Nocturnal dragon

It occured to me that Tuesday's game was the first opportunity for a true "night" game.  Unfortunately, the night was on the Pacific coast meaning game time is 10...PM.  Faithful readers will remember that 10 PM is way past the Tigress's bedtime.  However, now that I'm raising a snuggly, nocturnal dragon, I'm finding myself awake at odd hours of the night.  Now, the best ideas don't necessarily come at 1 AM, but some interesting ones do.  Here's what came to mind last night:

Mario made a comment about Gene Lamont being perched on the shoulder of Rad Brad, which got me to thinking...gee, that's what he used to do to Smokes.  An image immediately appeared in my head.

Polly want a cracker?

Allow me to connect the dots.  Jafar represents the current Tigers manager and that annoying bird, Iago, to the right is Lamont.  The adviser to the royal vizier.  Always squawking in his ear but not always necessarily making sense.  What other sidekicks from recent cinema also apply in this scenario?  Funny you should ask.

Surprisingly, our next example bares a striking resemblance to the man himself.  This one is a tad more bumbling, but loyal to a fault.  Mr. Smee and Lamont are brothers from a different mother.

Tip to Smee, Lamont orders his shirts in extra long

A true sidekick though is willing to switch sides at the drop of the hat in pursuit of fame and fortune.  Case in point, David Spade's character in Coneheads.  He always intercepts messages to relay to his boss in hopes of looking better and seeming important.  Seems spot on to me!

Let me tell him.  He's had a rough day.

Lamont will have to blaze his own trail and be the best of all these characters in his quest for Tiger supremacy.  Maybe he'll work his way up to the front office upon retirement.  Dombrowski's shoulder has been looking fairly cold recently given all the shade he threw at Scherzer.

I still have my BFF necklace

On an unrelated note, the new format for McDonald's player of the game has taken a new interesting and competitive nature.  Rod, Mario, and a Fox Sports reporter predict who will be the player of the game.  So far, it's led Rod and Mario to make subtle jabs at each other during the game and gloat when their player is doing well.  I like where this is going.

Rod and Mario have been singing the praises of Evan Reed early on in this season.  As I was surfing the web (no surfboard necessary), I found an article about Evan Reed being accused of sexual assault the day before opening day at MotorCity Casino.  While he hasn't been charged yet, somehow this always happens when players are just breaking out.  I'm going to reserve judgment until they investigate further, but a word to the wise to other up and coming Tiger stars, keep your nose clean and your head in the game.  It's only April, we need all hands on deck.  That's no way to get picked for player of the game or impress the sidekick.  Remember, he makes the phone calls out to the bullpen many times.

What?  This isn't Little Caesars?

Close calls

Rad Brad successfully won a challenge in the second game of the season.  As if that wasn't enough, he decided to try it again.  Oh ya, he won that one too.  Two successful challenges in only the second game of the season.  I do have one gripe about Brad's challenging technique, he's way too calm!  He must not have studied Smokes' style during the winter.  Brad quietly strolled out to the umpire, appeared to speak at a conversational level, and then walked away with a smile as the umpire went to go check the replay.  Is this Brad's style, or are the crazy manager rants of old obsolete?

With replay, there's no reason to go ape-crazy on an umpire because there's an umpire crew in New York looking at twelve (over compensating much?) camera views to determine the correct call.  Hard to argue with that process.  Once a call is reviewed, arguing is just like banging your head against the wall.  It causes a commotion but that wall isn't moving.  I'm going to be honest, if instant replay makes managers more reasonable, then I say we get rid of it.  No reason that managers have to be rational and treat umpires with respect.  I mean, the best part of watching March Madness is waiting for a coach to go crazy and get a technical.  Crazy equals entertaining, which leads to high ratings.

Tigers have one more game against the new and improved Royals (seriously, this team made a playoff run last year).  A sweep would be great, so keep your Swiffers close my friends.

Hey everyone, come see how reasonable I'm acting

Terrifying

This.  Is.  Terrifying.  I know Scherzer has a unique look to him, but come on!  If the governor was really doing his job, if he's really one tough nerd, then he would outlaw life size bobbleheads.  Nothing good can come of them.  In fact, to help bail Detroit out of bankruptcy, they should put donation buckets in front of the bobbleheads.  Once enough money is collected, they are taken away.

More examples of crimes against bobbleheads: