My great idea for the Cleveland/Detroit rivalry when they meet one last time over Labor Day weekend? Have both ultimate utility men play all nine positions and see who the true victor is. The one stipulation is that both men have to pitch to each other once. The two men in question are of course Donnie Kelly of the Tigers and Ryan Raburn of the Cleveland Raburns. (I'm still in shock that Raburn pitched a one-two-three ninth inning. Perez, Pena, and Tuey should be ashamed of themselves.) Maybe Smokes could call up Francona and suggest this idea for the next series.
On to the Vegas diversion. There is no place in the world like Las Vegas. Continual drinking is encouraged, appropriate clothing is optional, and walking in cheap flip flops like a duck is ubiquitous. While in Sin City, I made a list of the best jobs and the worst jobs in Vegas.
Best jobs in Vegas
The lady guitar player during the Michael Jackson One Cirque du Soleil show. Basically she just wails on the guitar while people do ridiculous dance moves and flippies behind her. She's hardcore and she knows it.
A bartender at a fancy hotel bar like the Vespar at the Cosmopolitan. We stopped for a mid-morning drink (Vegas people) and had a nice conversation with Jamie from Chicago. After bantering a little about football and hockey, talk turned to baseball. He admitted to being a Cub fan, but said he wanted more for his daughter (who wouldn't?). I told him to buy her a Cabrera shirt and change her life. He told me that Miggy would be the next one exposed for taking PEDs. Excuse me, Jamie? You couldn't be further from the truth. I tried to tell him about Miggy's approach at the plate, his hips, his hands, his feet, but Jamie wouldn't hear it. We made a plan to meet up in 10 years when he'll buy me a drink for being wrong about Miggy. I'm already thirsty just thinking about it.
A window washer at a big hotel. Basically, these guys have a harness and get to rock climb down the building washing windows as they go. It looked like the thrill of a lifetime all while getting paid.
DJ for a show. All these guys do is get the crowd pumped before the main act comes out while people are finding their seats and trying not to spill popcorn. This takes skill because you have to read the audience and decide what will play the most. Should you play Sweet Caroline? Or is this a Sexy Back crowd?
Worst jobs in Vegas
Girls Direct to You card distributors. Mainly the worst is when older women are passing out the cards. Really? Do men actually take cards from you? Because if someone resembling my grandmother tried to hand me a card so I could hook up with a girl, I would be a little turned off.
Drink girls at Paris. The outfits that the Paris hotel makes these ladies wear should be outlawed. They resemble a Parisian prostitute from 1940. Most of the look extremely uncomfortable and who can blame them.
Elmo or Cookie Monster on the Strip. These people put on giant, furry costumes during the noon sun in August and take pictures for tips. I don't even want to know what the inside of those costumes smells like. At least the guy dressed as Thor wasn't really wearing pants, so he was probably cooler.
Men's bathroom attendant after chili dog and beer specials. No further explanation needed.
One more thing about Vegas (or any big city for that matter). There's a new term sweeping the nation and it's "pumpkinhead". Here's the Tigress definition of "pumpkinhead" (all one word)- noun- the term for a tourist who stops in the middle of a sidewalk or road of a big city to look up at a big building. Example: "Hey, pumpkinhead! Move to the side if you are going to stop and gape at the same building for five minutes."
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