Close call

Just a quick note to comment on this article I saw on the Tigers' website:

Verlander intense in BP session

Apparently, JV threw a simulated game today.  From the title, we can gather that JV was being "intense," even in spring training he's at full force!  Cabrera didn't swing at one point.  He claimed "I want to save my bat."  Translation: I don't want to look like an idiot trying to hit JV in front of all these fans and reporters.  You just better hope neither one of you is never traded Cabrera...

So rookie Avisail (I can't wait to hear broadcasters try and pronounce this.  It's like when people mispronounce Polanco's name and it doesn't like placebo) Garcia gets up there and hits a ball that "whistled past Verlander's feet."  Seriously, someone pull the new kid aside and tell him the drill.  JV is the one that brings home the bacon.  He's your money maker.  Ya, you go out and maybe make it to the show at some point, but JV is getting a W every 5 days.  It's paying your salary!  Don't ruin this for us!  Next time instead of trying to impress everyone, just stand their like Cabrera and avoid looking like an idiot.  That's how you make it as a Tiger.

Behave "young man" or we'll send you back to Grand Rapids, where dreams go to die.

My Not Tiger

To every Yin is a Yang.  To every high is a low.  To every Ernie is a Bert (we all know he's the worse out of the two of them.  Who collects bottle caps anyway?).  So while Fister/Avila/Peralta/Santiago could be My Tiger, there's also the competition for My Not Tiger.  He's the one that when I see the line up posted before the game, I groan if he's in it.  When he comes to bat, I go refill my drink or empty my bladder.  When a ball comes at him in the field, I cover my eyes or speak to the deity in the sky.  He's bound to be on the "Not Top Ten" multiple times during the season.  He's the bane of my existence.  Here are the Tigers in the running this year:

Ryan Raburn

He's pretty much owned this title for the past 2 years.  I've been known to call him Suckburn.  At Comerica, he's the only player with a country song, but not just ANY country song.  He comes up to bat to "Hicktown."  He gives all the white players on the team a bad name.  I would say Suckburn had the WORST play of last year when he knocked a ball (that would have fallen on the warning track) OVER the fence.  Really, how is that possible?  It's too ridiculous to be false.  What gets me though is that whenever you think he can't get any worse, he does one good thing and people think he's "redeemed" himself.  Come on.  I hate to use this reference, but it's like a woman in an abusive relationship.  The man shows up with flowers once, and she's convinced he won't hit her again.  You can't fool me Suckburn!  You may be able to fool the dim witted engineer, former frat boy, or even Jim Leyland, but you can't fool me.  You're on watch.

Delmon Young

How is it that everyone has forgotten that he threw a bat at an umpire in the minor leagues?  It should be noted in the picture above that Delmon isn't pictured...just his bat.  To me, it's like when Craig Monroe stole that belt in the off season.  I can't forget about it.  He could blow at any minute.  He didn't even yell at the ump before he threw it!  He was calm!  I'd hate to see what he'd do if he was yelling and going all "Rod Allen" on someone.  Not only does he have this working against him, but he's almost guaranteed to "lose" a ball in the lights whenever a pop up comes to left field.  He may be worse at fielding than Suckburn.  (It should be noted here that Suckburn can't make routine plays but occasionally makes SPECTULAR plays while Delmon is just overall horrible.)  It also doesn't help that he's a Young and I was never a fan of Dmitri either.  I've been known to phase out whole families because of the actions of one...

Jose Valverde

It's hard to pick just one pitcher out of the bullpen to despise, but Valverde is a pretty obvious choice here.  He is far too similar to My all time Not Tiger...Todd Jones.  In high school, I hated Todd Jones.  He is the opposite of what a closer should be.  He'd come in with a 2-3 run lead, get it down to one run, bases loaded, and then get the batter out.  Thanks Todd.  I had high blood pressure and a heart condition in high school that no one could figure out.  Funny thing was, it went away once you were no longer a Tiger.  Ok, back to Valverde.  He's Jones-esque for creating more drama than necessary.  Plus he's too flashy.  I appreciate a ball player who goes out, gets the job done, and minds his own business.  Although Ty Cobb was a great player, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have liked him had I been around when he played.  Why?  Attitude.  Valverde, there is NO need to dance, fist bump, or yell on a nightly basis.  I'm all for Tiger wins, but let's be honest, every night is not the World Series.  If you celebrate every night, it just makes the big ones feel less important.  I thoroughly enjoyed celebrating when Valverde got the last out against the Yankees last year to advance to the ALCS, but if I did that every day I would be exhausted!  Not only that, people would think I was an ass!  So my point...Valverde acts like an ass.  Whether or not he IS an ass has yet to be seen.

So those are my three options, Suckburn, Young, Valverde.  The one advantage of My Not Tiger over My Tiger is that you CAN change midseason.  We never know, I could pick anyone listed above and midseason, Clete Thomas could prove to be worse than all three of these.  Then I would be allowed to switch.  I don't think you can switch back though.  That'd just be selfish.

Zoom By Ya

2006 was a good year.  The Tigers were playoff bound and two young, hot pitchers were bringing the heat in Detroit.  Of course I'm talking about JV and Zumaya (here after referred to as Zoom By Ya).  Watching the 2006 season, I could have never predicted the two drastically different directions both their careers would take.  2011, JV is a Cy Young Winner, AL MVP, and 4 time All Star.  Zoom By Ya?  He's spent most of his career on the DL including two embarrassing accidents involving Guitar Hero and carrying boxes prior to the wild fires in California.  Seriously, it's so ridiculous that it's true.  Thank goodness he's finally gone from the Tigers.  The Twins were stupid enough to take him.  Good luck Twins.  Keep him away from any video games, especially fad video games that involve excessive wrist movement (insert dirty joke here). 

2006 Tigress doesn't know what 2012 Tigress does though.  2006 Tigress is taken with both fastball pitchers and gets giddy when Zoom By Ya tops the radar at 103.  She buys a Zoom By Ya shirt (she got a 2 for one deal with an In-Gee shirt at the local Foot Locker).  Poor Tigress.  She's so young!  Don't judge her, especially after you've read the following tale...

In hopes of gaining more hype about the approaching playoffs, several Tigers have made stops around Michigan to sign autographs and "pump up the volume."  On the way to an away series in Chicago, Zoom By Ya stops by my town to sign some autographs at the local sports card store.  This Tigress was jazzed!  After a beach volleyball game (don't act like you aren't impressed), I go stand in line to get my white Tiger hat signed.  (Maybe this had something to do with his "wrist" injury later on in the playoffs.  He should have blamed this appearance instead of Guitar Hero.  Whoever his publicist was should have been fired.)  I'll paint a picture of the drama here for you.  The line snaked around the building.  By the time we finally got inside (sister Tigress and some friends were with me), it was past his two hour commitment.  While Zoom By Ya is a tool (again, I didn't know this), he is good looking.  See evidence below including arm flame tattoos:

Sister Tigress is before me and sexily tells Zoom By Ya, "You're hot."  She may be a bigger dork than me.  Then it's my turn.  I'm wearing my favorite t-shirt "Real Women Don't Date Yankee Fans."  He signs my hat and hands it back to me.  Our eyes lock.  Clearly he's taken with me.  That's when, in true "cool kid" fashion, I raise my hand to my mouth, giggle like a school girl, and run away (probably with my arms bent like a Tyrannosaurus Rex).  I think the image below captures everything perfectly...

See that eye lock!  See my hand and awkward laugh!  DON'T JUDGE!  I thought I could be Mrs. Zoom By Ya!  This is when the world was at his finger tips.  Here's the moment he found his perfect lady friend, but then she giggled and ran away.  Thank goodness for my lack of social graces.  Otherwise I'd be stuck in Minnesota with a failure for a husband who plays Guitar Hero every night and who I've had to nurse through countless injuries.  Instead, all I have is a ruined white Tiger hat and this lousy picture (o ya, and a 2nd place finish in the 2006 World Series). 

So good-bye Zoom By Ya.  There will be more after you.  I'm sure I'll be taken with another 100 MPH fastball.  I always am.

Update: Shortly after I posted this, I was reading some new on the Tigers website.  This was one of the headlines:

Tigers saddened by Zumaya's elbow injury

Thank goodness he's no longer on our payroll!  It's like the Tigs knew I was feeling nostalgic about him today.

Headlines from TigerLand

Baseball fans have been waiting for Spring Training all winter.  Reporters are dying for a story and fans are dying to read something that will alter the entire season for their team.  These are some of my favorite headlines from yesterday on the Tiger's website:

Fister approaches game with runner's mentality

What does that mean?  He has a "slow and steady" mindset?  He eats a banana after every game?  He's here for the "long haul"?  No, just that he runs a lot and long distances.  This does not help me decide if he's My Tiger or not people...

To cut down on whiffs, Jackson alters stance

I think we are all thinking the same thing...It's about time!  Seriously, it's not that he strikes out.  Everyone strikes out sometimes.  He strikes out with runners in scoring position and as a lead off man.  Lloyd McClendon is even "excited about it."  I'm not going to hold my breath.

Leyland expecting big things from Porcello

This is a mercy story.  Rick must feel like poor Jan Brady.  Justin, Justin, Justin!  Then, Fister moves into town like the favored new stepsister (Bobby if we are sticking with the Brady Bunch analogy), and we really start to forget about Rick.  Max Scherzer is like Alice, kinda quirky, weird to look at, but someone you want in your kitchen.  Leyland must be thinking that Rick could be like cousin Oliver, kinda young and cute, but entertaining enough and exciting enough to keep people tuning in.

Inge yet to arrive, begin transition to second

This cracks me up for so many reasons.  First, this was yesterday so breathe easy Tiger fans, In-Gee did report on time to training.  I also think it's funny that they keep mentioning that he's trying out for second.  We didn't forget.  We're all sitting on pins and needles, no need to keep teasing us.  I also feel like this reporter is scolding In-Gee for not showing up early like all the others.  Who does he think he is, Miss Trunchbull ready to put him in the Chokey or swing him around like a hammer throw?

Verlander's Fastball Flakes hit grocery stores

This is my favorite.  Finally!  Something I can get excited about!  I'm going to be stocking up on my Fastball Flakes.  Now you kids can eat your sugary sweet cereal in the morning and be throwing 100 mile per hour fastballs until the 9th inning just like JV!  No, strike that.  You can eat your sugary cereal and drive your parents and teacher crazy until 2:14 when you go into a sugar crash coma. 

On a side note, did you happen to catch JV on Conan last month?  Sounds like he is ready for not only a cereal endorsement, but also one from Taco Bell.  3 crunchy taco supremes, a cheesy gordita crunch, and a Mexican pizza all in one box.  We can call it the JV All Star, Cy Young, MVP, 100 MPH Box.  Yum, I can smell the winning now.  Here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92ch-9WdysQ

On a side note.  JV should eat his tomatoes.  They are good for your prostate.  Just looking out for you JV.

So that's it.  That's the news from TigerLand.  The best of the worst if you will.  Can't wait for next week's feature on Delmon Young's new martial arts training to perfect his bat throwing.  They have to drum up stories somehow.

Who is my Tiger?

Whoever thought of this advertising campaign was a genius.  It forces fans to pick a Tiger, get attached, buy merchandise, and even defend failing players because of a commitment made in April to one major league baseball player.  Personally, I haven't had to think about who my Tiger is for the past 11 years (that's when we just said we had a "favorite Tiger"; before the rallying cry).  Brandon Inge has been my Tiger since 2001.  He was young, scrappy, and wore his socks high.  He was perfect and, he was all mine.  After several seasons of denial, I've come to a disappointing, but necessary decision.  I need a new Tiger.  Even if Inge (or In-Ge as he's affectionately known in my family) has his best season, he's still going to be 35, only has one more year with the Tigers, and has no guaranteed everyday position as of right now.  It's time.  It's been wonderful In-Ge, but it's time for a change.  It's not me, it's you, but I'll always have the memories.

So, now that I've given back In-Ge's metaphorical apartment key, it's time to look at new possibilities.  I've narrowed it down to several options.

Doug Fister (insert dirty joke here, or for my friends with creative deficits: Fister?  I barely know her!)
Fister was a welcome addition to the Tigers rotation last year, fitting into the second starting position perfectly and adding a more consistent starter to the team.  His record last year (11-13) doesn't indicate how effective he was with an ERA of 2.85 and 146 strikeouts, especially after being traded to the Tigers.  My issue with picking a pitcher as My Tiger is that I'm not sure one start every five days is enough to satisfy "My Tiger" needs.  Part of the fun of having a Tiger is getting a navy t-shirt with his name and number on the back and cheering when you go to Comerica.  I could attend multiple games in a season and NEVER get to see My Tiger in person.  I'm not sure I can handle that disappointment.

Alex Avila
I was a little unsure of Alex at first mainly because of his dad's position in the front office.  He proved that not only is he a reliable every day starter, but his batting average last year at .295 is more than most teams can hope for out of a catcher.  Avila took a lot of past balls and tips last year and got pretty banged up.  I can't imagine how many bruises he had by the end of the season, which is probably why he had such a dismal postseason.  This year, the Tigers brought in Laird (G-money, or fat boy) to be a consistent back up, which may help to save Avila and get through the whole season.  I'm not sure he is reliable enough yet to pick as My Tiger.  After just breaking up with My current Tiger, I want to pick someone that is going to stick around for a couple seasons (obviously I put in a lot of effort into picking.  It's like buying a car, you don't want buyer's remorse).

Jhonny Peralta
This would probably be a frivolous choice.  I'd be picking purely on the spelling of his name and the way I like to pronounce it (Yonny with a silent 'j').  Plus he has some pretty awkward and awesome facial hair (just like In-Ge's soul patch).

Ramon Santiago
In my opinion, the most consistent player on the team.  If he "wins" the job at second base, he'll be an everyday player, which he hasn't had in the past and is important to My Tiger status.  One of my favorite moments watching FSD Tigers coverage last year was when Rod was commenting (or rambling) about how sneaky Ramon was.  The next pitch, he hit a home run.  Rod's only response, "Sneaky sneaky."

So those are my options.  Bboesch would be an option, but there is a "code" among close friends and family members that you don't pick the same Tiger.  That way, if someone's Tiger is having a bad day, the other person can rub in your face how well their Tiger is doing.  That's family love for you.  That means Verlander is out too.  I'm also not into picking "big money" Tigers...obvious choices are just no fun.  No Cabrera, Fielder, or Valverde...ok I wouldn't pick Valverde for all the money in the world.  Too much mustard on that hot dog for me.  Probably the same reason Suh isn't "My Lion."

So those are my options.  Santiago, Peralta, Avila, or Fister.  I'm going to wait until the end of spring training and then decide.  Come Opening Day, My Tiger and I will have a commitment to each other lasting 7 months, which is longer than my first three romantic relationships.  Boyfriends come and go, but My Tiger lasts a whole season.

Return of Bboesch

Ok, I admit it.  I'm on the Bboesch train.  After an up and then down (and I mean very down) 2010 season, it would have been easy to write him off as any number of rookies that dazzle us for the first month they arrive at the show and then fizzle out (hello, do you remember Chris Shelton?  He even got a nickname before fizzling...Big Red).  But Bboesch was putting together a solid 2011 season, bringing power to the line up and an actual glove to the outfield.  With the year he was having, he might have been the extra bat and one extra healthy body that the Tigers needed in the playoff run.

Good news though!  Bboesch is back, he's swinging the bat, and he already hit a dinger at spring training.  Welcome back Bboesch, and as long as he can produce another solid season, I think he'll win everyone over.  That being said, look at the photo below of Bboesch at training on Monday.

He's obviously gotten a haircut and a closer shave and is looking HOT!  If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm a female.  That being said, I love baseball for the pitcher-batter drama, the fielding mechanics, and the beauty of the swing.  BUT...it doesn't hurt that there are nine guys on a field in tight-tight pants (extra points if the socks are pulled up to the knees).  When I was in high school, I made my own little "hottest men of baseball" contest.  I printed out pictures of the most attractive players by position and then glued them to a little field (diamond included) on a piece of paper.  Obviously I was super cool.  I wish I would have kept this because I'm sure it was priceless.  I know for sure that Chipper Jones was at third, Derek Jeter at shortstop, and little known Tiger relief pitcher Matt Anderson on the mound.  In honor of the Tigress of yore, I'll be doing a "hottest men of baseball 2012 edition" in a future post.  Bboesch, if you keep up this look, you could make the cut...

Cabrera at the corner

With the acquisition of Prince Fielder last month, news started circulating that Miguel Cabrera would be transitioning back to 3rd base.  It's easy to forget (or it is for me anyway) that Cabrera used to play both 3rd base and outfield with the Marlins from 2003-2007.  Thank goodness Leyland didn't consider putting him out in right field to replace Mags.  It's enough of a mess out there with Delmon and Raburn...poor Austin Jackson.

Major league managers seem to love taking power hitters and playing them at 1st base where agility is appreciated, but not a prerequisite.  Watching Cabrera at 1st, there are glimmers of the man who used to play 3rd, especially when he dives and jumps for balls that could easily be reached from his feet.  Without giving specific numbers, the Tigers are reporting that Cabrera has "slimmed down" in the off season to prepare for his new role.  Is it fair, though, to compare the Cabrera of 2003 (a mere 20 years old) to the Cabrera of 2012?  Obviously he's put on weight and lost some of his bounce, but who hasn't since they were 20!?  (It's also humorous to think about the sports journalists evaluating Cabrera's weight like mean girls in bathroom at a high school)  If someone put a side-by-side photo of me at 17 and me now, I'd probably punch him in the face.  With that being said, I'm now going to do that below...


Cabrera in 2003, or after his first bout with Weight Watchers in 2025




Cabrera in 2011 patting his belly, either after hitting a home run or after Thanksgiving dinner

Reports (from Tigers camp of course) are coming in that Cabrera showed up EARLY to camp and has already taken swings while the other players are still unpacking their Snuggies for those cold Florida nights.  I think he's just hoping that baseball fans have bad memories and don't remember that it was just last Spring Training that he was arrested for drunk driving.  The fact is, he can't risk getting anymore bad press.  It would be a good idea to be Leyland's lap dog all year so he can get the tearful speech at the end of the year how he's really turned his life around since he started hanging out with Donnie Kelly and taking weekend trips to the Upper Peninsula for fresh air and perspective.  The question is, does Cabrera have something to prove?  The answer is yes, but how is that different from every year?  When you are a six time All Star, expectations are always high and tolerance for shenanigans is always low.  Regardless, I'm excited to see what happens, how the infield shakes out, and if the Tigers can take their momentum from last season into 2012.  If anything, it will get me to Comerica for several games, and isn't that what Dombrowski wants us to do?

The making of the Tigress

It takes a special person to be a baseball fan.  162 games spanning from late March/early April til mid October if you are lucky.  I've been told baseball is too dull to watch on TV and that the games move too slowly.  It was especially difficult to be a Detroit Tigers fan in the early 2000s.  I distinctly remember defending them my sophomore year of high school (2001) stating that they "weren't that bad."  Even though I was delusional, the Tigers' 66 wins that season looks outstanding compared to the 43 they won in 2003.  Despite their lackluster record, I watched game after game, season after season watching our 1-2 all stars we produced every year dazzle me with their mediocrity (except Todd Jones, that's another story for another time).  The image below is of Tony Clark.  He was our "all star" in 2001 and he was affectionately nicknamed "Tony the Tiger."  Aren't we clever?

Flash forward to 2006, the year that almost was.  When it was no longer uncool to sport the Tigers gear and you hoped for extra innings to keep the winning going.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.  The point is, I was there in the darkest days, defending a team that won my heart long before.  I smell a story coming...

I remember going to Tiger Stadium, parking by a statue of a priest, and walking blocks to get to the game.  Although I know my parents took me to many games, it's the times I went with my Aunt B that I remember most vividly.  We would arrive right when the gates opened, not to ride the carousel or Ferris wheel like kids do now at Comerica.  Oh no, we arrive early to check out EVERY section in the stadium to decide which ones were best.  Not only that, when we found a suitable section, we would scope out rows and carefully write them down on our mini Tiger schedules with the map of the stadium on the back.  This was at a stadium where "obstructed view" seating meant you could literally be sitting behind a large, blue steel beam.  Although I enjoy Comerica, I still miss Tiger Stadium for its character, history, and yes, even those obstructed view seats that people were not wise enough to avoid in the first place.  That's the place where my love for the Tigers grew.  So, through the good times and bad, I'll be a Tiger fan. 

February is a lonely month for sports fans (unless you count hockey or basketball, but honestly no one counts those).  April 5th can't come soon enough for this Tigress.