Winter diversions

This was a long, lonely winter in Michigan without a championship to keep us warm.  To get through the Polar Vortex and feet upon feet of snow, any good Detroit sports fan needs a little diversion.  It's the only way March will get here faster.  Every four years, old man winter gives the greatest gift of all: The Winter Olympics.  While often considered the unwanted younger brother of The Summer Olympics, The Winter Olympics has lots to offer if you know where to look.  Here's a retrospective on the two week collection of sports that's as diverse as the great state of Michigan itself.

Most practical winter sport: Biathlon.  Imagine, you live in Minnesota in the 1800s and it's winter.  How do you provide for your family?  Why you strap on your cross country skis, grab your gun, and go get dinner.  While the athletes aren't shooting at squirrels or rabbits, the practicality of the sport still shines through.  Tell me you won an Olympic medal and I'm impressed.  Tell me you medaled in the biathlon and I'll invite you to dinner.

Most chill athletes: Snowboarders, especially the slopestyle and half pipe.  Have an epic fall in snowboarding?  Get to the bottom, smile, and flash a peace sign.  Fall in almost any sport and pound your head in pure heartache and agony.  The snowboarders are just happy to be invited to the Olympics after being off the grid for so long.  Let's be honest, they are ratings gold and it would be wise to add more high-flying events to boost interest in the general public.

Most unchill athletes: Ice skaters.  While I enjoy a good free dance, there are no more nerves present than during warm ups before each group in ice skating, especially for the women.  Tears of joy and disappointment are often present in the ice rink.  There's a reason they are called ice princesses.  Even after the competition, there's room to complain and file complaints.  You know what's hurting your sport?  Your poor attitude.  Chew on that for a while.

Sport that brings in the standard sport fan: Hockey.  Want to see all your favorite NHL stars? They're here, you just have to look for them.  It's actually a good exercise in last name origin and genealogy.  Big winners this year is that country to the north.  Everyone needs to be good in something I suppose.

Sport you literally only watch every four years: Curling.  I probably watched seven curling matches, not all US teams.  The terms themselves are whimsical.  Throw the rocks at the house, but have a strategy for the hammer!  Anyone can be a curler.  The Canadian men take it to a whole new level with their workout routines, but any office worker could grab a broom and jump out there.

Most talked about sport: Bob Costas's conjunctivitis.  Nothing brings out people's interest like a little pink eye.  Here's my question though, with both Al Michaels and Dan Patrick in Sochi, how are those two not tapped to pinch hit for Costas?  They have the experience in sports whereas Meredith and Matt are news desk jockeys.  I guess either one of them is better than the British lady with bad posture who was on the afternoon circuit.  Sit up lady!  This is the Olympics!

Worst act by a loser: The camera people who hounded Bode Miller after his bronze medal interview.  Look back people.  Sure the reporter tried to make him cry, but those cameramen kept the zoom close on his face and even told someone to get out of the camera shot.  He's 36 and has been through a lot.  Let the man have a little space.  It's the polite thing to do.

Most random pairing in an event: Nordic Combined.  In what universe does ski jumping go with cross country skiing?  How about moguls with ice dancing next time around?  Sounds super.

Best fashion: Norway's curling pants.  That's right, they beat out all of Johnny Weir's outfits and head pieces.  Maybe in four more years Johnny can try again.  This time around he'll have to settle for the silver.

Now that all the pomp and circumstance has passed, it's time for good, old American baseball.

2nd anniversary

I can't believe it's been two years.  It seems like only yesterday this blog was a idea egg in my head and now it's a full blown chicken.  Or something...  According to social tradition (and completely arbitrary), cotton is the traditional gift for the second anniversary.  I thought it was fitting to get you a Tiger's handkerchief.  Here's why:

You are probably still drying your eyes after the Tigers lost to the Red Sox last year.  Dry your tears, friends.  We are in Spring Training and a little over a month from opening day.  It's time to move on and forget what's gone.

You need the hankey as a tribute to Smokes this year.  Anytime a post game interview with Ausmus is shown, get out your hankey and pretend to cry as Smokes would have.

Your Tiger is gone, gone, gone.  Times are rough in Tigressville.

You still haven't gotten rid of the cold/flu you've been nursing since November.  Recovery was severely hampered by the Polar Vortex and the amount of snow you shoveled this year.  Take a shot of orange juice and your zinc vitamin and get over it.

The modern gift suggestion for two years is china.  As your modern gift, I extend to you these wine glasses that can double as champagne flutes.  No long explanation needed here.  You are going to need these puppies when the Tigers win the World Series.  Actually, I take that back.  Go champion style and just spray the champagne directly into your mouth.  Sheets of plastic on the wall are optional.

Don't worry, you don't have to get me anything.  All I ask for is your undying love and affection for me and the Tigers.  Easy peasy.

Absence

You know what they say about absence...it makes the heart grow fonder.  Well, I'm guessing you are very fond of me right now!  After a month and a half sabbatical, the Tigress emerges from her den and declares that Spring Training is here!  Well, for pitchers and catchers, but the rest of the staff is not far behind.  There was a picture of Ian Kinsler and Jose Iglesias posted on the Tigers' Facebook.  I hope these two have taken a dance class or at least gone to couple's counseling, because they will be seeing a lot of each other this season on either side of 2nd base.

Rest assured that the Tigress has not been researching a new team to devote herself to.  No, I won't be transferring my fandom to the Nationals in order to keep my favorite player (Doug Fister, may he rest in Tiger peace).  I've been prepping and preparing for the newest Tiger fan to make her entrance.  Baby Tigress will be here in less than a month and the whole Tigress family has been working to ensure that she's the most fabulous Tiger fan to ever grace this Earth.  So, how does the Tigress decorate a nursery to encourage optimal Detroit love?  Why with Tigers swag of course.

First up, window treatments.  Nothing quite blocks out the sun (and the Yankees' chances at a World Series) better than a Tigers valance.  It sets the mood for the whole room (fun) and draws the eye to the most important letter in the alphabet.  

Next on the list is a place to put all of Baby Tigress's bobbleheads and other collectibles.  Mr. Tiger flexed his creative handiwork and made this over the closet shelf.  The brackets are two sided with "Tigers" written in script in one side and the olde English D on the other.  They are pretty boss.

The only way to adorn such a majestic shelf is to gather the greatest assortment of Tigers memorabilia and display it proudly.  You'll notice the gnomes given by Brother Tiger, the JV doll bought at the playoff game, and many a bobblehead acquired in promotional giveaways.  I've also included many bobbleheads from stadiums I've visited through the years.

Her favorites in the middle: Al, Gnomey the Homey, JV, Gnome fans, and Paws

While watching the Tigers is the top of Baby Tigress's priority list, literacy is a close second.  Her favorite books are about...the Tigers (imagine that!).  She also has a vintage dollhouse to store her books.  Notice the baseball bat, glove and ball handle on the bottom draw and Tigers bear security blanket in the bottom right room.

A classy lady has to have places to hang her things.  Enter the baseball hooks.  You'll see she currently has her friend Muffin Moose and her owl hooded towel up there (just in case there was any doubt that this is a girl's room).

Currently, the small Tiger head below will function as a trash can until the amount of trash Baby Tigress produces exceeds the amount this container can hold. The Tiger bench was purchased in Shipshewana shortly after Baby Tigress's existence was discovered.  The larger Tiger is a hamper, which is awesome except for one thing.  The top flips down to close showing a Tiger's hat.  Unfortunately, the olde English D is upside down!  Who did the quality control at the factory?  Write up a corrective action for this hot mess.  

To keep warm in the winter, Baby will have a hooded Tiger's blanket to snuggle up with.  The picture doesn't do it justice, but this blanket is worn with the Tiger head as a hood and there are spots to put your hands in the blanket to wrap it around you.  We've already agreed that until Baby Tigress is big enough to fully appreciate the blanket's awesomeness, I've been granted full access while in the home.  I've been blocked from bringing it to the stadium, but I get that.  A baby's got to have regulations.

While Baby Tigress's room is a Tiger's fan sanctuary, this kid has to have something to wear while cheering the Tigers to victory.  The clothes are thanks to Grandpa Tiger, Grandma Tigress, Uncle Tiger, and Aunt Tigress (they are digging their new titles BTW).  

The pink says, I love the Tigers but I also look great in pastels

Lastly, a child needs toys to enrich the mind and keep her occupied long enough so the Tigress can do the dishes.  These blocks are hand made by Aunt Tigress and Uncle Tiger.  Not only do they have fun blue and orange patterns on them, but they also have letters and Tiger's logos.  They teach, entertain, and let the creative juices flow.  Where else would you keep Tiger's blocks but in a Tiger's tin?

Baby Tigress will be here by opening day to cheer on the Tigers to a championship season.  That's right, Tigers.  Pressure is on.  This kid is expecting a lot from you.  She can grow up telling the story about how the Tigers won the World Series the year she was born, forever cementing her love of the Tigers.  In the meantime, her mom has some work to do.  Both My Tiger and My Not Tiger have to be chosen and the Tiger's roster has to be analyzed as they progress through Spring Training.  We call that "nesting."